Some time back, I listened to an episode of a podcast called, “Freakonomics,” in which economic ideas are presented and discussed in an entertaining way. In this episode, Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist, discussed the IKEA effect. IKEA, that is, the store. What researchers found was that if an individual creates something, they value it monetarily a lot more than if someone else had created that same object. Thus the name, IKEA, a company from which consumers buy the raw materials but essentially construct a piece of furniture for themselves.

The IKEA effect is as old as the Bible. In Psalm 128, we read, “When you eat the fruit of the labor of your hands, you will be happy, and it will go well with you.” (I didn’t dig that one up myself – I saw it in a writing from Rabbi Sacks.) Anyway, Ariely’s conclusion was that the effort we put into something doesn’t only change the object, it changes us, and the way we view that object. We value what we create.

In today’s parashah, we read of Gd’s instructions to the Israelites to build a sanctuary. And in one of the iconic verses in the entire Torah, the reason Gd gives to Moses was, “So that I may dwell among them.” Not necessarily in the sanctuary mind you, but among those who built it. Does Gd need the space? Of course not. But the Israelites needed the space. And as we will see in the episode of the Golden Calf, they were not yet mature enough to feel Gd’s presence. A sanctuary – a holy space – was what they needed to enable them to do just that.

The name of the parashah, Terumah, means gifts, or contributions. For those who contributed to the sanctuary, their gift was in the giving. It wasn’t the quality of the jewels on the breastplate, or the quality of the wood or the drapes. It was the fact that it was built out of the gifts of “Every person whose heart so moves them.” (25:2)

The parashah is a lesson, perhaps on how giving changes the giver. It struck me in reading this that perhaps one of the reasons why there was so much detail in the instructions wasn’t so that the tabernacle could be ornate. Rather, it was so that there would be something for every Israelite who wished to contribute, to be able to. The more people who had a part in the tabernacle’s construction, the more people would be invested, having had a stake in the enterprise.

So the question them becomes, how do we feel the holy presence – here in this room or, perhaps more importantly, once we leave the sanctuary.

Last week was the first session this semester for an online ESL class that I teach. The teachers were asked to show an object of special meaning to them to the other teachers. I showed the other teachers my grandfather’s citizenship paper from 1900. He went to school nights to learn English, having gotten off the boat from Kiev as a teenager, not speaking a word of English. Can you imagine what he would have thought if he had been told that he would have a grandson, who he would never meet, and who was now helping immigrants learn English, 120 years after he arrived, and who dedicated his class to him?

It struck me in preparing this D’var that here is the nexus between the two closely related themes of the parashah. As those who built the tabernacle in the desert must have learned, where and when people give of themselves, that’s where the holy presence resides. Giving of themselves to build the tabernacle, as giving of ourselves to any worthwhile cause creates a space for Gd to enter . . . and to dwell.

So Gd doesn’t dwell, or live, if I may use such a term, in this room – the room that houses Kehillat Chaverim; Gd lives in the builders and in the worshipers. Indeed, this could actually be a D’var about us and our kehillah. Back in 2013 we were a bit adrift for a short time, not knowing exactly what to do. Beit Aryeh was to terminate Shabbat morning services, and while we certainly could have continued attending services at Shearith Israel on Shabbat mornings, it would have been a long and unacceptable commute for some.

So with the generous offer from Guy and Becca, we essentially created this shul – Kehillat Chaverim. By building something together, we were transformed. We created space for Gd to dwell among us. As the desert-dwelling Israelites complained about the lack of water, macaroni and great living conditions, we could have similarly complained about our situation. But what we did instead was transformative. So it wasn’t what Gd did for us that made the difference, it was what we did for ourselves. . . and for Gd.

By combining two tropes of the parashah, we are taught a lesson for the ages. Creating a space for the Divine, giving of ourselves in creating that space and in other things we do in life . . . this is exactly where Gd wants us to be and what Gd wants us to be doing.

The focus of Parsha Mishpatim is a fresh start and new direction where commandments are first presented in the Torah to the Israelites. The story goes that G-d tells Moses what he needs to present to the Israelites though he does not tell Moses how he needs to communicate these laws.
Why the need for a long list of commandments? After living as slaves for years, divine guidance about right, wrong and what a just society looks like was in demand.

This Parsha is really about G-d giving Moses this long list of laws about how Israelites were to live and behave towards one another when dealing with areas of life such as slavery, ox goring, judicial ethics/corruption, sex, treatment of the poor and holiday observances. It seems like G-d was tuned into the salacious activities of people ‘sleeping around’ and neighbors killing neighbors ‘willy-nilly’ for like not returning a cup of borrowed sugar or stuff like that. For centuries rabbi’s have studied and deciphered the meanings and interpretations of these laws some of which have helped shaped various areas of our society such as the judicial system or how we provide for those who are impoverished.

The Parsha discusses how Moses orally presents these laws (initially from memory) to the Israelites. Following Moses’ ‘presentation’ and to confirm their understanding, these wayward and vulnerable Israelite survivors of slavery desperate for direction and a little hope respond by saying to Moses “nah-ah say” (we will do). So while Moses is certain he communicated this ‘preliminary’ list of laws the way G-d had communicated them to him, and he receives an oral ‘Israelite confirmation’, Moses does something out of the ordinary. He codifies and establish’s a permanent record of the commandments by writing them down on a scroll or tablet.

Back in the day many Israelites, & people in general, lacked the skills to read (weird for a group of people who have been referred to as ‘People of the Book’-you know, Torah, prayer books and Talmud). A quote from Theodore Bikel exemplifies this, “After the advent of the written word, the masses who could not – or were not permitted to – read, were given sermons by the few who could.”
Further still, the norm was not necessarily to write anything nor were Israelites necessarily capable of doing so, perhaps that is why back in the 5th century there were sofer’s or scribes (Jewish Scholars some who carry on the tradition today).

Moses reads the commandments again from the scroll/tablet that he annotates and those Israelites who were present repeat again, ‘nah-ah say’ and supposedly add,’ v’nish-ma’ (we will listen/obey). Of course as we may remember from last year’s Torah readings- some Israelites got it and understood and others maybe not so much as we will find out in weeks of Torah readings to come (not to be a spoiler but you know I’m referring to situations like golden calf’s, violence, wars, death and sexual inappropriateness – YIKES! Yep, stay tuned cuz it’s all in the line-up of 2022 Shabbat Torah readings!).
So as today’s Parsha goes, after Moses again receives oral confirmation from the People, he & Aaron along with Aaron’s son’s and 70 or so wise scholarly types from the tribe of Israel ascend Mount Sinai for another meet-up with G-d.

To spice up today’s story, supposedly, the Midrash describes what G-d does/says in front of this austere sub-group of Israelites (for example, picture G-d standing on a perch of beautiful opals and reiterating the laws/commandments once again). This story however is not all ‘Hollywood drama’ like the thunder bolts of lightning/dark clouds and G-d speaking from a cloud or from an ornate pedestal. It’s really about the commandments and more importantly how the divine laws were to be incorporated into daily life.
Other than the most fundamental idea that writing is a means of communication, did Moses have other motivations for ‘commandment documentation’?

Were they written because of the need for accuracy and to prove to G-d that if he understood the laws it would be easier for others to comply with the laws as well?

Did Moses’ believe that written laws were something that would be passed to future generations?

Or was writing these commandments an attempt to simply place emphasis on their holy and practical importance?

Maybe Moses had difficulty expressing the emotional aspects of the commandments and believed writing them down would provide further emphasis of their importance.

Today we write out of the desire or need to communicate our thoughts/ideas. Sometimes we communicate with the written word to sanctify our thoughts, feelings, actions and creativity. Written commitments and messages are found in, well, D’var Torah’s, the purchase or lease of residential property, marriage vows (a Ketubah) or (sometimes) a Gettin for a divorce. Meaningful written words are key components of legal documents like a traffic ticket as well as children’s bedtime story.

I often need reminding that while written words are important, often it’s how words are expressed in our spoken messages that affects the recipients acceptance of the message itself.
So going forward today may we remember the moment by moment importance of our written and spoken words and how we communicate our messages for others.

May we be safe.
May we be healthy.
May we be happy.
May we be joyful.

Good Shabbos!

Have you ever found yourself caught between a rock and a hard place? Well, that’s exactly the dilemma that the fleeing Jews of Egypt found as they made their way toward the promised land. The full might of Egypt was behind them. The sea was in front of them. What to do? 

We are called up for an Aliyah. We recite the blessings. Blessed are thou Lord our G-d for giving us Toras Emes (the Torah of Truth).  Just idle chatter? We read the Parsha of the week from the Holy Torah.  Just another waste of time? We read about miracles which we sometimes mock. At other times we look  for natural causes to explain their occurrence or we inexplicably state that some of the things we  read are only stories. Isn’t the Torah real? 

Today in Beshalach we recount perhaps the greatest miracle of them all. The splitting of the sea. Miracle or fabrication? Assuming arguendo (for argument’s sake) that the sea was split and that it was a miracle, what can we learn from this Parsha? 

As the Jewish people faced a catastrophe, Egyptian onslaught or drown, they in typical Jewish style began to debate. Isn’t that what we commonly do when we face difficult issues? Some suggested returning to Egypt. But won’t this only lead to a return to slavery and harsh reprisal by the Egyptians? Others suggested  standing firm and fighting the Egyptians. But aren’t the chances of untrained and ill-equipped forces  defeating the Egyptians slim to none? The debate lingered on until Moses finally spoke up and urged them  to proceed forward into the sea. “Are you crazy Moses? We’ll all drown”, responded the masses. “Have  faith in G-d”, replied Moses. “See how He brings you salvation”.   The people proceeded forward into the  sea. The rest is history. 

The perils at the sea would not be the last test of faith that the Jewish people would have to face as they developed from a slave nation into the B’nai Yisroel. And the Jewish people throughout history have continued to face challenges to their faith. Doesn’t the pandemic test our faith? We can cower and retreat from it and allow it to make us its slaves.  We can try fighting it, perhaps with some very limited success. We can change our methods of prayer and means of worship. We can communicate with G-d in unnatural ways. We can limit or eliminate social contact. But as Beshalach clearly establishes, the path to freedom  is to proceed forward into the sea and place our faith in G-d that all will turn out well. Faith, you see, is no stroll in the park. It is a real challenge.   

Mock me for my naivete, if you wish.  Despise me for my D’var, if that pleases you. But whatever your opinion of me, please don’t allow your fear of the pandemic to turn you away from the teachings of the Torah of Truth. 

Shabbat Shalom  

Summer of 1940. Winston Churchill (paraphrasing):

 “What General Weygand has called the Battle of France is over … (France was lost to the Germans) the Battle of Britain is about to begin. Upon this battle depends the survival of our civilization. Upon it depends our British life, and the long continuity of our institutions . . . The whole fury and might of the enemy will very soon be turned on us.

Hitler knows that he will have to break us or risk losing the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be freed and the life of the world may move forward . . . But if we fail, then the whole world . . . will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age. . . Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and bear ourselves, so that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, (people) will still say, ‘This was their finest hour.’”

Churchill tried to inspire the British people by telling them to think about how their story would be remembered in future generations.

In today’s parashah, we read that just before their release to freedom, after over 200 years spent in exile, their enslavement, many of their male children killed, and after signs and wonders and plagues, the Children of Israel are about to go free. Moses is about to give them their marching orders. He addresses the people. What does he talk about? The battles that lay ahead? the hardship of a journey through the desert? The challenges of staying together as a people? Keeping their faith in Gd?

None of it! Moses talks about the distant future.  He asks them to envision themselves in their own land and of the chores of building the society they will have to build and the responsibilities of freedom. Of education and the duty of parents to their children. Tell your children, he repeats. Reenact the story of slavery and freedom, he tells hem. Make it yours.

Keep the story personal. Tell your children, “This is what happened to me.” You can almost hear him say, “My fellow Israelites, let us act in such a way that even if the story of the Jewish People lasts thousands of years, it will be said that this was their finest hour.”

Well, things got a bit messy in the desert. The Golden Calf, the Moabite women, you know the events. But 40 years is a long time to spend in a desert, so let’s cut them some slack.

I believe that Moses’s message was that freedom is the work of all of us in the Hebrew nation. We need our own specific identity; we need memory and the stories to encode it. We want our people to have a powerful link between generations, he might have said. And so it is for each of us now: stories of those who came before us, and hopefully, stories that will be told by those who will follow us.

We are truly blessed to have a story that then became ours – the story we tell ourselves about ourselves. And in the case of our enslavement and subsequent liberation, there is lots to be proud of. It is fascinating that we as a people not only tell of our enslavement as part of our people’s history, but are actually proud of it and relive it each year. Does any other people talk of their enslavement with pride? For we Jews this is who we were. And the question then becomes, what will we as a people now make of that history? What will we as individuals do as a result?

So to be specific: who, exactly, are we? And why are we here? How then shall we live? There are many possible answers. The Jewish ones? Easy. We are a member of a people who Gd rescued from slavery to freedom. We are here to help build a society that honors the freedom of others, not just our own. We must remember that freedom is a gift of Gd, and so we honor Gd by keeping Gd’s covenant of law and love.

And importantly, really importantly, this inspirational message applies to us as individuals as well as a people. Of course, we can be proud of our Jewish history, but what about us as individuals? Will we contributed to the story? How are we special? What have we done individually that we will be proud of as time goes by? What stories are we creating that we can pass on? In Today’s parashah, Moses said, “When your children ask you.” That is, when our children and grandchildren ask us! And maybe not only the Jewish history part, but our own contemporary story. What answers will we convey?

As Jews, of course, we have always put a premium on education. As a parent, education is one of the most sacred duties we have to our children. Maybe this will be our legacy. Our passion as Jews is study and academic pursuits. Egyptians built the pyramids, Romans the coliseum. Jews built schools. And won Nobel Prizes. As we all know, education transcends books. Educating our children might be our greatest legacy as parents and grandparents.

And of course, there’s a whole lot more we can do to favorably impact other people and society as a whole.

So we’re still here, alone among the other ancient civilizations. Still going strong, continuing our ancestors’ mission, heritage intact and undiminished. And in the end, we hopefully will have our own individual heritage that adds to the Jewish story we’re so proud of and that impacts the world as well as our family.

Three times in the parashah Moses instructs the children of Israel something akin to, “When your children ask you . . .” He wanted us to be able to teach our children a story.

In this week’s parshah, God tells Moses that he wants him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, from slavery to freedom. Moses answered God’s call.  But whether out of apprehension or humility, he quickly added several excuses for not immediately doing what God asked. First, he says: “I am not good enough.”  He points out that a slave people aren’t likely to believe the reports of a wandering shepherd regarding their redemption, and Pharaoh is even less likely to listen to radical suggestions made in the name of an unknown God. Moses also protests that he is not a fluid speaker. It is not clear whether this means that he had a physical speech defect or was self-conscious and inarticulate.  It is unclear as to whether the impediment is a physiological or emotional problem. The literal translation of Moses’ complaint is that he has” uncircumcised lips,” which doesn’t help us at all. The Torah does not identify the nature or origins of Moses’ difficulty. Rashi postulates that Moses had an actual speech impediment – perhaps a stutter or a severe lisp. However, Moses’ impediment is wholly self-described. We learn of it is from his own protests at having been chosen as Israel’s liberator. The absence of corroboration of this narrative implies that Moses’ impediment loomed larger in his own mind than as a handicap perceptible to others.  God did not accept this excuse. Moses’ next excuse is: “I don’t have all the answers.”   But God’s directive wasn’t about Moses-it was about God.  God was asking him to be His voice. Another excuse was: “I am not qualified.”  Moses’ final statement is more desperate.” Please, anyone but me!”  God responds to this with righteous anger. The excuses stop and God calls upon Aaron to serve alongside his brother. Aaron was a man with the abilities Moses felt he lacked.  Aaron’s role as mediator was critical to the success of Moses’ leadership. Moses needed to reach beyond his own personal experience.  As we can see, Moses was full of self-doubt, but God trusted him anyway.

We have all been there. At some points in our lives, we question whether we are doing well enough or are capable of facing all the uncertainties that might come up as we grow older. We experience feelings of self-doubt around decisions and choices we made or simply feel that we’re not good enough. Did I study enough?  Will I get into medical school?  Will this D’var be good enough?  Self-doubt occurs when we lack confidence or feel incapable of doing things we need to do. A certain level of self-doubt is good because it indicates that you understand what you need to improve in order to do a better job. However, persistent fear and self-doubt can affect your life in a bad way.

Five common causes of self-doubt include:

1. Past experience and mistakes. Past experience can make us question our beliefs. However, continuing to reference past experiences without learning from them is just a waste of time.
2. Childhood upbringing. If you were raised by parents or teachers who constantly told that you were not good enough, you might have already internalized the habit of questioning yourself.
3. Comparisons with others. When you’re comparing too much with others about what they have or what you lack, you’ll start to lose yourself.
4. New challenges. This is a pretty normal case because we have no experience on how to react or what things we need to do. The feeling of uncertainty and insecurity will make you feel uncomfortable.
5. Fear of failure/fear success.

There are three clues that self-doubt and the fear of getting things wrong could be undermining your ability to turn thoughts into action: You’re constantly apologizing, you second guess yourself, and you would rather be in the background.

Self-doubt can leave you with anxiety, depression, procrastination or lack of motivation, emotional instability, low self-esteem, or difficulty making decisions.

Theodora Goss, in an article about self-doubt, wrote the following:  We usually think of self-doubt as a problem, almost as a disease. Despite previous successes we still have self-doubt. Self-doubt is not something anyone else can fight. It is your own personal monster. You have to fight it yourself. But there are also some good things about self-doubt. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it can be argued that self-doubt can be a source of strength. It can be what makes you stronger and better.  Here’s how:

1. Self-doubt can make you work harder. I know, this is not always true: self-doubt can lead to giving up. But doubting our own talents and abilities can drive us to work harder to get what we want. Study harder for the exam. Prepare harder for the class. Practice more.
2. Self-doubt means you judge yourself more harshly, which can be a bad thing. As mentioned, it can lead to despair and depression. But it can also make you hold yourself to a high standard.
3. Self-doubt gives you a sense of humility. A student who doubts his or her own abilities will listen to you, will learn what you have to teach. So, if you have self-doubt, you tend to be a good student.

What can we do to overcome self-doubt?

1. Practice self-compassion
2. Remember your past achievements
3. Try not to compare yourself to others
4. Be mindful of your thinking.

If negative thoughts persist, take a moment and ask yourself if you really believe that they are true. Consider how positive thinking may shift your mindset and allow you to be more confidence in your abilities.

1. Spend time with supportive people. They can remind you how talented and resilient you are during times when you’re not feeling that way about yourself
2. Find validation from within
3. Identify your values
4. Remember you are your harshest critic
5. Seek professional help, if necessary

To summarize, everyone has self-doubt. It is what we do with it that is important.  Self-doubt is easily one of the quickest things we allow to steal our joy. We all carry around this voice of self-doubt. Self-doubt goes away the more we trust ourselves. At the end of the day, self-doubt was here to teach us something, to learn and grow, and to get better.

It is reassuring to think that God chose not the strongest or the fastest or the smartest or the most beautiful but called upon a person who was ” slow of mouth and slow of tongue.” Yet, this is exactly what is discomforting about these verses: they stripped from us all our excuses, all our rationales for procrastination, all our lack of self-confidence masquerading as humility. By appointing Moses, the man of” uncircumcised lips,” as a prophet, a man completely dependent on words, God is telling the rest of us:  you must get on with your mission in life, despite your limitations, despite your self-doubts, despite all the problems that seem to be in the way. It is much easier to shrug off the task as beyond our capacities or to wish fervently, as Moses did, that God would appoint someone else in our place. Each of us must consider seriously and apply to ourselves Rabbi Tarfon’s famous challenge:  “You are not obliged to finish the task, but neither are you free to neglect it.”

Tis the season. Since it is Shabbat, I hope everyone planned ahead to fulfill the mitzvah of Chinese food and a movie on Christmas. Your festive meal may just have to wait until Motzi Shabbat this year. There is no escaping the music of the season. Hanukkah has long since passed and with-it Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel, Ma Ozur, and of course Joel’s original lyrics to the tune of Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Songakah. With Hanukkah coming so early this year, we are now overwhelmed with the music of the Christmas season. My family calls me Scrooge because I am not a fan of these holiday tunes. However, I do understand that there is a non-religious observance of Christmas which has become an American holiday and being an American Jew means being a part of these customs. I just don’t have to like it.

This week we begin the book of Sh’mot, probably the most well-known part of the Torah. Not only is Passover the most celebrated Jewish holiday, but the storyline of the Exodus from Egypt has lent itself well to Hollywood. Our story picks up with the death of Joseph, a new Egyptian king coming to power, the birth of Moses, and the raising of Moses by Pharaoh’s daughter. Lots of time passes in these first four chapters.

Today, my focus is on Chapter 5. Here Moses in his best Charlton Heston voice says to Pharaoh, “Thus says the Lord, the Gd of Israel: Let My people go that they may celebrate a festival for Me in the wilderness”. They continue, “The Gd of the Hebrews has manifested Himself to us. Let us go, we pray, a distance of three days into the wilderness to sacrifice to the Lord…”. Pharaoh responds with anger and instructs the Pyramid construction foremen to stop supplying the straw for the making of bricks, but he does not change the production quota. After a few days of beatings, the Israelites make a formal complaint to Pharaoh and ask why they are being punished when they are not part of the request from Moses and Aaron. The foremen of the Israelites then approach Moses and Aaron saying, “May the Lord look upon you and punish you for making us loathsome to Pharaoh and his couriers, putting a sword in their hands to slay us.”

There is lots to unpack here. Moses and Aaron are taking the blame when they are just delivering Gd’s message. At this point, they do not understand why they have been tasked to be the messenger. It is human nature to quickly blame others. It was easy for the Israelites to get caught up in the day-to-day quota of bricks, to lash out against the cause of harsher punishment, and miss the big picture of what may provide their freedom and the freedom for generations to come. Not addressing the true cause of a bad situation rarely results in a long-term solution.

I am sure you have seen this same type of behavior in your personal life, in business or in politics. It is easy to blame someone else rather than to understand the true cause and fix the underlying problems. It is easier to find a scapegoat than a solution. As we enter the third year of this pandemic, we now have a better understanding of the necessary restrictions and personal sacrifices we were forced to make and must continue to make for the long-term benefit of society. Like the Israelites learned, we too will suffer in the short-term to prosper in the future.

And who better to teach the world these lessons than us Jews. Throughout our history, Jews have been the victim, the scapegoat of numerous cultures that have attempted to annihilate us. American Jews live a life of freedom and prosperity never seen in our history.  But didn’t the Jews of Spain before the Inquisition and of Germany before the Holocaust, think they too were integrated into their local culture? The opportunities for a better life are always in front of us. Yes, we will suffer setbacks, but we are a strong people that continue to overcome adversities.

The parasha purposely ends with a cliff hanger – one verse from the next chapter, “Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘You shall soon see what I will do to Pharaoh: he shall let them go because of a greater might; indeed, because of a greater might he shall drive them from the land. ‘” The Israelites who were content with the daily grind of manual labor and quotas had no idea of what was in store for their future. It is up to us to keep a positive outlook, fight for what is right, fix what is wrong, strengthen our faith and pray for that next miracle. Stay tuned…

Shabbat Shalom

Today’s Parasha is supposedly the least dramatic and emotional of many Torah stories.  Personally I kinda think that Bamidbar (you know the one where the tribes are counted) is not so exciting either.  So rather than look for drama in this parasha over the deaths of Jacob and Joseph, or Jacob’s blessing of Ephriam & Manassah or….well you know,  sometimes Midrash commentaries provide inspired and expanded illustrations.

Just before he dies, Joseph get’s the Israelites and his brothers to swear/promise an oath that they will take his bones when they leave Egypt (to be buried in Shechem).  So Joseph shares expectations of what he wants done with his bones upon his death but that’s about it. No more discussion in the Torah about this except once in Exodus where Moses carries the excess bone baggage out of Egypt. No bones about it.

According to Rabbi Stephen Pearce, centuries later Rabbis imagined what preparing for the Exodus might have looked like. While Israelites crammed possessions into sacks, Moses may have searched frantically for Josephs remains to make good on the oath.  Maybe, after an initial search, Moses learns that the Egyptians hid Joseph’s remains in the Nile River, not only to allow the body/bones to consecrate the water, but more importantly to prevent the Israelites  from leaving Egypt because of the Israelites promise/oath made to Joseph. Ok – so here is some drama -Moses learns of Joseph’s burial in the Nile and raced to its shores and calls, “Joseph, Joseph, the time has come in which God swore to redeem Israel, and for the fulfillment of the oath you had Israel swear to you.  Israel is waiting for you.”  With those words, Joseph’s coffin bobs to the surface; Moses retrieves it and takes it on his desert wanderings until it could be buried in the Promised Land (Deuteronomy Rabah 11:7; Babylonian Talmud, Sotah 13a-b).

What a timely parasha. It got me thinking about how the deaths of these patriarchs were handled. Recently as you may know we have had our own experience with the passing of a matriarch, Lorraine Ruth Fenig Goldner who actually helped us make a minion during the beginning of the high holidays. Sue Kramer, Sharon Kaplan and Barry Goldner (Lorraine’s children) have collectively learned much from this experience. For example:

Her experience of death was never about anyone except Lorraine.  What were her wishes? What was in her living will/will? What about her burial? What were her terms and conditions?

Thank goodness Lorraine planned ahead to assure no surprises/no guess work. Sue, Sharon and Barry knew what their mom Lorraine wanted. No need to locate the sworn oath or pledge to this or that. Everyone was on the same page.

Life changing events like death can pull families apart. Lorraine’s passing was what was needed at this very important and solemn time to bring the family closer together.

Death is both complicated and it’s not.
Medical professionals who are also the child/children of a terminal patient are faced with challenges that can make it hard to compartmentalize and separate emotions from medical decisions.
Sometimes death comes in a quiet patient room when no one is present.
Lorraine’s final peaceful breath was expelled simply from hearing the voice of her son surrounded by family.

This family is grateful for caring and thoughtful medical teams.
This family is grateful for a loving support network.
This family is grateful for a Jewish community that supports one another allowing a grieving family to focus on their emotions of many, many, memories past.

Sometimes to find our way, we all need to step back and let others do the work.

Regrets are easy to come by. Forgive yourself.
Know with humility that those who have passed with dignity are in a better place than the vulnerable suffering state where they were.

How do we maintain the dignity of our loved ones memories and honor them the way we expect they would wish to be honored? Perhaps the way the Israelites honored Jacob and Joseph.

There was hope back in the day for a brighter future where we remembered the promises to be kept and anticipation for living in a Promised Land where we would flourish.

Peace & Good Shabbos!

“Change isn’t made by asking permission. Change is made by asking forgiveness, later”   Seth Godin

As in past years, this week’s Parsha for me is all about forgiveness and loving ones-self. It starts with Judah, with all of his brothers present, who pleads with the viceroy of Egypt, that his brother Benjamin be set free after Benjamin steals a silver cup from Pharaoh upon a visit to the Egyptian palace. Judah offers to switch places with Benjamin to become a prisoner or slave (of course Judah was following through on an agreement with the brothers and dad Jacob to protect Benjamin).

The viceroy (brother Joseph) tells his brothers  not to worry about their past transgressions (you know the plot they

How do we know the validity of our dreams and how to interpret them:   Are they guideposts for life, signs from Hashem, or are they Freudian activities for working out the incongruities of our personality and exorcising our demons?  How do we know when they are one or the other?

For Joseph, dreams were the stuff of destiny, the predictors of things to come as seen in today’s Parshah.  But for the rest of us, who are not on such a large scale as pieces of G-d’s grand plan for all mankind, what do our dreams mean?  How do we place them in perspective?  Oy… all of these questions and no answers!  Please bear with me for a moment.

It takes a wise heart, guided by Torah, to properly interpret dreams and place them in perspective.  When we choose not to place ourselves as the primary focus of our dreams, this allows us to have a starting point toward finding a greater purpose for our dreams.  In our Parshah today, Joseph parlays his G-d given talent of interpreting dreams into his position as second only to Pharoah in ruling over Egypt.  By comparison, I would speculate that none of us here today has even close to that level of talent for interpreting dreams.

However, each one of us does have our own unique G-d given talents.  I would posit an alternative “take-home message” from this Parshah, that we should recognize our own individual G-d given talents and use them to benefit not just ourselves, but for the benefit of the greater community.

Joseph sets the example for this concept.  In his youth, his talent with dreams was self-aggrandizing and created a disdain for him amongst his brothers which ultimately landed him in a pit, then slavery and the jail.  Only with the passage of time, the gaining of experience and the acquisition of wisdom was Joseph then able to learn to use his gift properly.  He advanced his position in a way that served Hashem’s greater purpose, so that he might not only save his own family but also save the future of the Hebrew people.

I see in my own life’s path, that much of my own early achievement, albeit clothed in the altruistic garb of a scientific and medical career, may have been more about my own ego than being about the people I was destined to serve.  Only through time and the acquisition of wisdom can any of us gain the insight, with G-d’s help, to experience the humility to recognize the joy of serving our fellow humans.

We should each, celebrate our own journeys on such a path.  For without a community that contains each of us with our own unique G-d given talents, there can be no community!  Shabbat Shalom!

In today’s parashah, we read about 3 figures who go through great struggle, and who may well have succumbed to despair. They could have lost  hope.  They could have lost the will to make things better— but they didn’t.

First, Jacob is told about the apparent death of his son Joseph, but we read that Jacob “refused to be comforted.” He had been shown a blood-stained tunic that belonged to Joseph. His sons told him that poor Joseph must have been devoured by some wild beast. And so in a somewhat cryptic phrase, we’re told that Jacob wouldn’t accept the typical mourning ritual that begins with accepting the comfort of loved ones.

Maybe he held out hope that Joseph was still alive, or maybe he was simply too grief-stricken to accept comfort. Who knows? But Jacob goes on with his life, brings his people to Egypt and, well, you know the rest of the story. So in this instance, the concept of accepting comfort remains a bit murky.

We also read this week of how Joseph ends up in prison and at the end of the parashah, Joseph is still there.  His buddy in prison forgets to recommend him for a commutation of his sentence when a dream interpretation gig comes up. You can read about it as we go through the Torah reading. All, it seems, is lost. Poor Jacob. Poor Joseph. Of course, as in a TV drama series, we know there’s more. After all, we have the whole Exodus story yet to come. How can Joseph’s story end here? Stay tuned. Joseph will have another act.

In both instances, unlike in a sporting event the story is not over until the participant says it’s over. And neither Jacob nor Joseph were ready to throw in the towel. Their greatest feats were still to play out. Joseph’s story doesn’t end as it may have in a Greek tragedy, with falsely accused Joseph wasting away in jail. As in so many other instances, though, this is the Torah – decidedly NOT a Greek tragedy. In this instance, Joseph continued to hold out hope that somehow, a better fate awaited him.

In Judaism, unlike in ancient Greek thought, fate has not been decreed. The Torah teaches that the human condition and an individual’s story are not inherently sad, nor must they be filled only sorow.

Finally, we read about Tamar. Tamar is married to Er, Judah’s oldest son. Recall that Judah is one of Jacob’s sons, and had sold Joseph into slavery. Er’s life was, “Taken by the Lord,” for unspecified displeasing behavior. As was customary in those days, Er’s younger brother then marries Tamar, but his behavior also displeased Gd, so he, too, was struck down.

Judah wonders if maybe Tamar is the problem and keeps his third son away from her, lest he also be struck with an early death. Like so many other women of the Torah, Tamar is childless. I’m sure all her friends tried to comfort her. But she refuses to lose hope of having a child and concocts a plan. Dressing as a harlot, she seduces Judah, who accommodates her.

Finally, Tamar has her child. But when she is about to be revealed by Judah as being a sinful seductress, she pulls a rabbit out of her hat, producing the seal that Judah had given her as collateral, pending payment for services rendered. Judah knows that he had been had. He was the father of Tamar’s child. Tamar is spared. She has her child – twins, in fact. All is not lost, after all! And more than that, one of her children fathers a line that leads to King David! how about that! Instead of being comforted for being childless and accepting her unfortunate fate, Tamar took action.

So in these examples, all in today’s parashah, we find different ways of how to handle really bad news and circumstances. So now I have a more current example of not despairing – of not losing hope or will – – – and of taking action.

Vladka Meed, born Feigele Peltel was a Polish woman who was imprisoned in the Warsaw Ghetto when she was 20 years old. Her entire family – her parents and her sister –  were killed, victims of one of the Nazi roundups that sent them all to Treblinka. Vladka happened to be out of the apartment at the time, so her life was arbitrarily spared.

She became a member of an active underground movement, helping to formulate and implement plans of how to repel the Nazis, and was able to be smuggled by the underground, out of the ghetto. Her role then was to pass as an Aryan, get a job, join forces with others in the underground on the Aryan side of the ghetto wall, and smuggle back into the ghetto arms and explosives, and smuggle out . . . children, who were painfully given up by their parents, who faced certain death, and placing them with wary Christian families. In harrowing detail, her book was first written in Yiddish and published in 1948, when memories were still fresh in her mind. It’s called, “On Both Sides of the Wall.”

After an endless series of narrow escapes, she sadly watched the heroic Warsaw Ghetto uprising hold off the Nazi army for 4 weeks before members of the resistance and then almost all residents of the ghetto were killed, the ghetto ultimately reduced to smoldering rubble.  Yet through this and despite all of the sadness she witnesses and describes in all its  grotesque details, Vladka does not despair. She did not lose determination and hope. She ultimately survived the war and made her way to America, on one of the first transit boats. Hers is a truly remarkable story of courage, moral clarity and perseverance.

It is possible to accept the comfort of loved ones for the inevitable sadnesses of life, while responding n a positive way. Tamar, Joseph and Jacob all respond to the circumstances of their lives in different ways, but what they had in common was that they did not retreat into an acceptance and hopelessness. Vladka Mead as well as others who resisted the Nazis have been added to that list.

For me Vlaka’s tale is an inspiration. When we think we have it tough, we just have to remember how Vladka and so many others have responded.