And God spoke to Moses: I shall give you my laws. And you shall take them unto the people.

Moses (aka Mel Brooks): Hear me! Oh, hear me! The Lord, the Lord has given these 15 <crash> … ten commandments for all to obey!

What was in the other 5 commandments? What are we missing?

Well… they were probably the Terms & Conditions and no one reads those anyway.

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In Parsha Yitro, we read about the giving of the Ten Commandments.

And yet, the parsha is named after Moses’ father-in-law. How is it that Yitro upstages the giving of the law??

The parsha is actually divided into two parts. The first is the story of Yitro arriving to Mount Sinai, after hearing of all the miracles of the Exodus. He knows Moses has been the chosen leader for the Exodus and he sees how people come to Moses all the time for advice and judgments on all matters of dispute. Moses listens and acts as a judge, making decisions for the people… It is an exhausting job!

Yitro comments:

 “What you are doing is not good. You will surely wear away, you as well as this people that is with you; for this thing is too heavy for you—you are not able to perform it yourself alone.”

You cannot do it alone… you must delegate!! Yitro advises Moses to appoint a hierarchy of magistrates to share the burden.  Ah… but how do we know who will make a good leader? What qualities must they have?

Yitro continues:

But you must also seek out, from amongst all the people, able and G‑d-fearing men, men of truth, who hate unjust gain; and appoint them over the

In this parshah, G-d splits the Red Sea and the Israelites are so grateful as to sing the Song by the Sea.  They lack food in the desert, albeit briefly, and complain to G-d who then provides manna and quail, yet they continue to complain.  Was it ever enough for our ancestors then?  Is it ever enough for us today?

Do I bow my head in gratitude, or easily slip back into mind-numbing amusement?  Do I bow my head in gratitude, or simply slip back into my typical mind and time-consuming work?  Do I bow my head in gratitude, and hold on tightly to all whom I love?

Life is filled with choices, decisions and living in full measure with the ramifications and consequences of our decisions.  Sometimes, we feel that we don’t deserve the negatives that have followed our decisions.  And yet, how often are we oblivious to all the wonderful positives in our lives that we seemingly had little or nothing to do with?

An attitude of gratitude can make all the difference in how we manage the ups, the downs, and the sideways moments in our lives.  It is certainly OK to want more, to strive for more, but it is so much MORE functional to be happy with whatever we have.

In our daily lives, we take for granted that when we click a switch the light will turn on, that when we click the remote the channel will change on cue, or more importantly that the volume on the TV will be muted when we push the mute button.  Do we truly realize that the amenities and peaceful existence we have as individuals even of the middle class in current day USA leave us so much better off and safer than were the lives of Kings and Queens in the Middle Ages?  The average life span today is so much greater, sanitation is better, the food supply is safer, we have indoor plumbing, electricity, cell phones, internet, streaming music and video.  We have better entertainment and nourishment at our fingertips than what the Royalty had in times gone past.  We have freedom of speech, freedom of expression as evidenced in popular music and fashion.  Why shouldn’t we be happy with our lot?  And yet we are not!  Shabbat is a space in time for us to take a deep breath and pause to smell the roses, as they say.  Shabbat is our time in space, a seeming contradiction of terms, in which we can pause and ask ourselves, “Who created all of this?”

Please pause for a moment this Shabbat and think about infinity.  Is it linear, is it circular, is it the ever- expanding universe, is it the ever inwardly expanding human mind and consciousness, is it all of these and more?  YES!!!  How do we explain the grandeur of the infinite?  How do we explain the space, the pause, in time that Shabbat creates?  How can we acknowledge with gratitude all that has been bestowed upon us?  Of these first two of three questions there is no answer that words or thoughts can express and there is no answer, simply the ability to relate to their imposing nature.  On the last of these three questions, How can we acknowledge with gratitude all that has been bestowed upon us?  The answer is a smile, a simple thank you to each other, or a prayer to G-d.  Not a prayer of asking for that which we do not deserve, but rather a prayer that expresses gratitude for all that we have been given to this day and that we have done little or nothing to deserve.

Let us not look at one another and superficially assume that some of us have not worked, worried, cried and suffered through circumstance that we don’t dare admit to or share when we compose our appearance and present so well to each other.  What is that line… appearances can be deceiving?  Yet, protective amnesia is such that it allows us to discount the trials and tribulations that preceded our moments of peace and appreciation.  This is another gift from Hashem.  Let us celebrate together this Shabbat.  Shabbat is that proverbial pause that refreshes.  Let us celebrate an attitude of gratitude, even if our current individual situations do not fit a space in time at which we feel able to pause and refresh.  Since we do know that the time for each of our own next Shabbats, our times to pause and refresh, are surely soon at hand.  Let us pause and remember, that we do have much to be grateful for, even in uncertain and soul-trying times.  I am so grateful to share this prayer of gratitude with all of you today!

Shabbat Shalom!

In the Talmud, we read, “At first, the evil impulse is called a wayfarer, then a guest, finally a master.” Another rabbi says, “At first, the evil impulse is as thin as a spider’s gossamer thread, but in the end it is as thick as a cart-rope.” Why this tendency for evil impulses to grow stronger?

Recall that last week, in the first five plagues, the text tells us that Pharaoh hardens his own heart – he is stubborn, and refuses to free the Israelites. There is a shift in the language, though, after these first plagues. Beginning with the sixth plague, it is Gd who does the work, “hardening” Pharaoh’s heart.  And in today’s parashah, this trend continues. In all, we read about Pharaoh’s hard heart 20 times!! The evil impulse has indeed become quite strong in Pharaoh! But if it was Gd who acted to harden Pharaoh’s heart, why should Pharaoh be punished? How can Gd punish Pharaoh for acts that were not of his own volition?

Teachings across the entire spectrum of Jewish observance seem to agree that each time Pharaoh acts to “harden his heart” and sins, he gives up a bit more of his own free will. He becomes hardened in his response, more set in his ways, more stubborn. He thus becomes less likely to exercise free will by changing behavior and his directives.

Some find the active “Hand of Gd” behind Pharaoh’s decisions and the ultimate cosmic justice for this “nogoodnick.” For others, Pharaoh’s decisions are simply the nature of human behavior – the way we were created. Gd simply created humans in such a way that, just as one mitzvah might lead to the next, one act of immorality might lead to yet another.

For both of these paradigms – the “Gd-centric” model and the “That’s just the way Gd created the world” model, we come to the same conclusion. Pharaoh repeatedly. . does. . evil. Eventually, sinful behavior can become irreversible, and there is no hope for repentance.

In the second model – the one I favor – change, repentance, is unlikely. Ultimately, Pharaoh no longer enjoys real freedom of choice. He is almost magnetically drawn to a fate of his own making. He may have been free to be generous or evil at the beginning of the whole process, but by the end, his self-destructive choices became inevitable. Rather than claiming that Gd directly caused all the grief that was to befall the Egyptians because of Pharaoh’s choices, we can use some teachings from social psychology to explain Pharaoh’s seemingly irrational behavior. And those teachings can help us in our everyday lives.

Pharaoh incorporated a number of cognitive biases, which are tendencies to think in a particular way. They afflict many of us, resulting in our victimizing ourselves with poor decisions. Here are a few.

First: optimism bias – the tendency to underestimate the probability of undesirable outcomes and overestimating favorable outcomes. Pharaoh never dreamed that the plagues would continue. After all, why would he – he had never experienced such things before. He might have said, “Hey, we got through the frogs, the boils on the cattle and the locusts. What else can possibly go wrong?” That’s optimism bias.

He had the illusion of control, overestimating what control he himself exerted over the situation. Frogs and gnats all over the place? “Call the Egyptian Exterminator Company to get rid of these pests!” Then, everything will be OK.”

He had a normalcy bias – refusing to plan for or react to an event that had never happened before. “Hmmm 3 days of darkness . . . this was probably just some unexplained fluke!” Ya think?!?!

Finally, he was oblivious to the sunk cost effect – a loss that had already been incurred and was unlikely to be recovered. This is akin to planning for and paying for a trip to, say, New Orleans, which then came under a hurricane watch. The money is already gone, whether or not we worsen our own situation by making the trip. Pharaoh made his situation worse by continually doubling down on his investment. He might have said, “After going through what we’ve gone through, we can’t possibly let the Hebrews go now!” Pharaoh should have been told that no situation is so bad that it can’t get worse.

Poor guy! How could he have possibly made any choice other than to keep the Israelites in servitude? Then, of course, came the 10th plague. And all those biases worked against him, culminating in catastrophe.

Ah yes, the tenth plague. A pause in our discussion about biases for a moment. I’m not letting ole Moses off the hook here. What did Abraham do when Gd planned the destruction of Sodom? Right – he used the “what if there are 50 good people there?” argument. What about Moses? When Gd told him that the last plague would be the killing of each and every first born male, Moses told his fellow Israelites, “That’ll be just swell – they will HAVE to let us leave then!” Moses was no Abraham. Alright – Moses did some pretty good things later, so I guess he’s OK, but still . . . “Gd, do you really have to kill all these children to make your point?” Right?

Now – back to the subject at hand. Can becoming aware of biases that many of us harbor help us in how we get along with others and with the world? Here are a few dangerous cognitive biases – tendencies of how we think – that may get in the way of interpersonal relationships.

Confirmation bias – we develop a narrative and use snippets of evidence to confirm our suspicions and feelings, while ignoring other items that might refute this feeling. “She didn’t call me when I was sick,” while not recalling other, pleasant and considerate encounters.

Bandwagon effect – the tendency to do or believe things because many others do the same.

Empathy gap – the tendency to underestimate the influence or strength of feelings, in either oneself or in others. “Ah, so-and-so is overly sensitive. I didn’t mean anything by it!”

Hostile attribution bias – the tendency to interpret others’ behaviors as having hostile intent, even when the behavior is ambiguous or benign.

So what about us? Do we have feelings and thoughts about people or situations in which we display a “hardened heart?”

Is it possible to change our minds about something? Can we overcome these biases and other psychological traps and withstand the financial or social stature costs that ensue when we change our minds? An entire episode on one of my favorite podcasts, Freakonomics, covered the subject of changing one’s mind – it’s certainly not easy to do. Can we muster the moral courage to change our minds? To swim against a tide that we ourselves may have created?

We see this so often. I can’t tell you how many people I come across who harbor this type of stubbornness, of “hardening their heart.” Wanda is a patient of mine who had become estranged from her sister, who lived in Kansas. Estranged because a whole lot of these biases were at play – hostile attribution bias, confirmation bias, etc. The sister had no other family, and when she became very sick with ovarian cancer, Wanda magnanimously took her into her home. Wanda came back for her 6-month visit. The sister, meanwhile, had died. I couldn’t help but ask, “All that time in your home after so many years of estrangement. What did you talk about?” Wanda choked back tears. “Missed opportunities,” she said.

Pirkei Avot, 4:1: “Who is mighty? We are mighty when we can conquer ourselves.” Pharaoh brought about his own punishment. The Israelites were slaves who ultimately enjoyed freedom. Pharaoh was a free man who became his own slave.

Every Shabbat we have the opportunity to listen to congregants speak about a particular area of the parsha that informs, reminds us or get’s us thinking about an idea or particular  topic. It is a privilege to share D’var’s with the Kehilat. This week’s parsha inspired me to consider the topic of leadership.

There are many Torah interpretations of what makes a good Jewish leader though a simple and synthesized version I found came from Lianne Heller of the William Davidson Graduate School of Jewish Education of The Jewish Theological Seminary who notes that leadership can be found in the ‘Shorashim’ (roots) of the three ‘L’s:

1)  Listen – Shema Yisra’el where we are commanded to hear, listen, obey, pay attention, heed and understand – all by that single word, Shema.

2)  Learning – While usually instinctual and constant practice it also stems from curiosity and of course asking the right/relevant questions. In fact one of our many Torah scholars, Larry Tobin, taught me about asking the right questions during his multiple Pirkei Avot sessions. For example I remember that Pirkei Avot asks us “Who is Wise” – and usually it is one who is open to learning from all people.

3) Love – the last of the ‘L’s’ in this trifecta- is found in the concept of Betzelem Elokim; people are made in God’s image. We are taught to love and respect one another throughout our lives.

So jumping to today’s Parsha, Vaera, what can we learn about Leadership and the three ‘L’s and how did an oppressed people who experienced centuries of slavery become inspired to freedom?

In today’s parsha G-d said: “I will bring you into the land which I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and I will give it to you for a possession, I the Lord. But when Moses told this to the Israelites they would not listen to Moses, their spirits crushed by cruel bondage.”

In fact, the great leader Moses took at least 5 opportunities to convince G-d he was not the right one to lead the Israelites to freedom. These memorable quotes from Exodus include:

‘I’m not good enough’ – “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” -Exodus 3:11

‘I don’t have all the answers’ – “Then Moses said to G-d, “Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, ‘The G-d of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they say to me, ‘What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?” -Exodus 3:13 

‘People won’t believe me’ –“Then Moses answered and said, “But suppose they will not believe me or listen to my voice; suppose they say, ‘G-d has not appeared to you.’ ” -Exodus 4:1

‘I’m a terrible public speaker’ – “Then Moses said to G-d, “….I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” -Exodus 4:10 

‘Anyone but me’ (I’m not qualified) – “…please send by the hand of whomever else You may send.” -Exodus 4:13   

Along with the L’s one might say that G-d added a ‘P’ for persistence to persuade Moses and would also provide a big ‘C’ of Credibility for Moses’ leadership. In fact, G-d knew Moses was the right person – after all he had been raised in Pharaoh’s palace.

The Israelites didn’t know what they didn’t know after decades/centuries of being born and working in a repressive culture of hard labor. They were restricted to “living” (if one could really call this a life) a hard cruel and unusual life.

So it is remarkable to consider how G-d, Moses and Aaron were able to get the “crushed” Israelite slaves to believe in a ‘remote’ glimmer of freedom particularly from two leaders, one with a speech impediment, stutter or stammer and of course his articulate brother Aaron. As we know G-d directs Aaron to speak on behalf of Moses as they are messengers from G-d.

By the way contemporary stutterers who have also had their difficulties include the likes of Marilyn Monroe (who had a speech coach), Winston Churchill (who practiced his speeches relentlessly), and Tony, Golden Globe Winner, “May the Force be With You”, voice of Darth Vader, James Earl Jones (yes-indeed that James Earl Jones).

So back to our Parasha – can you imagine persuading a guy (Pharaoh) who was referred to as ‘Lord of the Two Lands’ (ruler of Upper and Lower Egypt) because he alone owned all of the land, made laws, collected taxes, and defended Egypt against foreigners?

By the way he was also known as ‘High Priest of Every Temple’ (no doubt to G-d’s disdain) because he represented ‘Earth G-ds’, performed rituals and had Israelites and others whose lands he had conquered provide the indentured servitude necessary to build temples to honor those G-ds.

So on the one hand, how and why would the Israelites choose to follow the Leadership of Moses and Aaron given the slaves obstacles of mind and body oppression/depression and hard labor? Between G-d, Moses and Aaron they started a ‘Movement’ toward freedom.

Further – what about powerful Pharaoh who laughed at the thought of freedom for the slaves. He only want to keep what he had and continue his powerful and terrible reign of authority.

Let’s get back to our ‘L’s’ – Moses and Aaron listened to G-d and in turn the slaves ‘Listened’ to the word of Moses and Aaron which sparked a belief, purpose and cause – Essentially a movement of FREEDOM.  Over time the Israelites believed that they would one day experience freedom by Listening and observing the experience of plagues delivered through the actions of G-d through Moses & Aaron.

Pharaoh on the other hand did not Listen to Moses and Aaron let alone anyone. No one could influence him in spite of the plagues due to his hard-headed ignorance. Pharaoh had a different belief system – one grounded in ‘Earth-G-ds’.

What did the Israelites Learn?  Through their daily foggy oppression from fear of punishment or death the Israelites personal purpose was moment by moment survival, satisfied by a small amount of food and water and hopefully no beatings. With the guidance and shared beliefs of Moses and Aaron they Learned to believe that one day they would experience freedom though freedom came with changing an ingrained belief system of oppression to to one G-d and one G-d only. They Learned to believe their lives could actually be filled (one day) with peace of mind in a land flowing with milk and honey.

What did Pharaoh Learn?  Not much – and G-d wreaked havoc on his lands and people with the plagues. Perhaps Pharaoh believed that his ‘earth G-ds’ like, Hapfi the G-d of the Nile, Heqet, the Egyptian goddess of fertility and Ra the sun G-d were vulnerable to the plagues.  With every plague before the death of the first born son – Pharaoh’s fear, EGO, arrogance and pride grew and stopped him from seeing the severity of enslavement and oppression. He listened to Moses and Aaron’s request to free the slaves when it became ‘painfully personal and convenient’ with the final plague and the loss of his son.

What about Love?

Pharaoh sought to protect his Love of collecting taxes, creating structures in honor of ‘Earth G-ds’ and controlling the level of oppression and very hard labor the slaves endured.

Through their movement, Moses, Aaron and the Israelites had a shared purpose, belief and cause to learn to Love their G-d, Love their fellow-man and most importantly to Love themselves to ultimately find self dignity and respect.

Leaders throughout history have had their challenges and some have overcame them such as Lincoln, Gandhi, Mandela and Churchill to name a few.

For those of us that choose a leadership role in 2020, how will we apply the ‘3-L’s’ to Listen, Learn and Love in a leadership role?  Our newly elected Shul president, Mike Raboy, and board members have committed to improve programs that will help our congregation grow and provide inclusive programming.

What will you choose to do in a volunteer Leadership role or otherwise this year?  As you think about your own Leadership role in this new year consider this quote from Seth Godin:

“The secret of leadership is simple: Do what you believe in. Paint a picture of the future. Go there. People will follow.”  They will follow not because of you but because of their personal shared purpose, belief or cause.

 I don’t usually fret much when writing a d’var. A portion of the reading stands out to me and I work with it, researching, reading and contemplating the topics. Parasha Shemot- while being a rather short Parasha, left me feeling alternately upset and disturbed and then later uplifted. This is not an easy reading to deconstruct.

The first part of the reading introduced the new Pharoh and in spite of the Parasha’s title of Shemot translated to “Names”—the Pharoh is in fact not named. He comes in with no knowledge of the contributions of Joseph and how he saved the country from ruin. In fact he was so out of touch that the first thing he did was enact strict rules and laws against the people in groups that he does not understand.

I had a similarly upsetting experience when my old company was taken over by another that did not understand that much that made our old company pretty great was the flexibility extended to the workers, the supportive culture and the collaboration we exhibited. Suddenly we were told that there was no more working from home, that our IT and other operations support was being outsourced and that we were basically to put up and shut up. The Jews in Egypt didn’t have much choice, at least I was able to leave.

One of Pharoh’s rules impacted the Jewish people immediately: any male child born to the Hebrews was to be put to death (typically thought of us drowning them in the Nile). The midwives who attended Jewish women (it is not clear whether they were Jewish or not) in what has been called one of the first acts of Civil Disobedience—disobeyed the order given by the most powerful man in the most powerful empire of the ancient world simply because it was immoral, unethical and inhuman.

These midwives – named Shifra and Puah not only saved Jewish babies at the time, they became the inspiration many, many years later for a new legal concept—that of the crime against humanity which gave legal substance to the Nuremberg principle that there are orders that should not be obeyed because they are immoral.

The third theme is that great leaders—the example here being Moses—discover that their sense of justice is not reserved for their people alone. There are several examples of Moses witnessing injustices. In one, Moses sees several Medianite shepherds using ‘brute force’ against the daughters of Jethro, preventing them from drawing water for their families. Moses intervenes. He has nothing to do with the conflict and his sense of justice is blind. He feels that justice must be done even if it does nothing to further his personal interests.

According to Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, the “Torah wants to teach that when humanity is being tested, people must stand up for justice and not be swept along in the tides of hatred. People with a conscience can and must be found living under the thumb of the darkest regimes.

Ultimately, the benevolent will go down in the annals of history, not only as people who produced change and brought more good into the world, but also to those who give hope to all, even if their deeds do not come to light until many years after they were gone. Among them we remember the Midwives Shifra and Puah; the righteous gentiles who helped many Jews—especially children—escape from the Nazi efforts to eliminate them; the recent volunteers who went to our borders to try to help with children who were separated from their parents and put into refugee camps—crying for their parents; and the newest members of this group, the lawyers who have gone into Mexico to help those escaping the horrors of Central America only to be trapped in Mexico because our President will not allow them into the country before their scheduled asylum hearings.

The moral of the Parash of Shemot is that when there are tyrants (political, business and otherwise) we can look to those who speak out against their inhumanity and declare enough is enough. We may never know their names, but their righteous deeds–regardless of the identity of the victim—will be immortalized as ‘symbols of the struggle to bring out the hidden good within us.” May we remember them, may we honor them, may we share their stories; may we be them.

This D’var was inspired by the words and writings of Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Rabbi Eve Posen, Rabbi David Stav, and Rabbi Yael Ridberg

Shabbat Shalom

Many Jewish parents embrace a custom of blessing their children every Friday evening. This custom is a nice way of bringing gratitude and spirituality to your family. We have seen our son-in-law bless each of his children, our grandchildren, during Shabbat dinner and it a heartwarming moment. The words of the blessings are taken from the priestly blessing.  The introduction is different depending on whether the child is a boy or girl. For boys, the introductory line is: May you be like Ephraim and Manasseh. For girls, the introductory line is: May you be like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah. Following the introduction, the priestly blessing is recited. It seems strange that the blessing for boys singles out Ephraim and Manasseh instead of the patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, which begs the question:  Who were these two guys that they should become memorialized in this weekly celebratory prayer?

In this week’s parshah, Vayechi, we encounter a touching deathbed scene fraught with decades of underlying tension and competition. During the days immediately preceding Jacob’s death, he utters these words as he blesses his children and grandchildren who had gathered around him to share his final moments. Such final blessing scenes are common affairs in the ancient testamentary literature, but this particular one displays a few elements that stray from the standard, inspiring interpreters to reflect on the meaning of such deviations from the norm.

The most important deviation comes in the order in which Jacob blesses his progeny. Jacob first blesses Joseph’s two sons, Ephraim and Manasseh, his grandsons, elevating them to the status of his sons as predecessors of the tribes of Israel.  He then mentions Joseph. Only after this did Jacob continue to bless the rest of his sons, all of whom are older than Joseph, Ephraim, and Manasseh. Skipping over his elder offspring, it seems that Jacob intentionally raised up Joseph and his sons to a privileged position that exceeds their due place in the clan. Moreover, we find a further extension of this pattern of inverting the law of the first born when Jacob deliberately places his right hand, his” strong” or” chosen” hand on the head of the younger Ephraim, advancing his position before that of his older brother Manasseh.

When Joseph saw that his father placed his right hand upon Ephraim’s head, he moved it to Manasseh’s. He said,” No, father. This is the firstborn, place your right hand upon his head.” Jacob refused.” I know it, my son. He, too, will become a tribe. He, too, will be great but his younger brother will be greater than he and his seed will complete the nations.” He blessed them on that day saying,” May God make you as Ephraim and Manasseh.” He put Ephraim before Manasseh.

The sibling relationships in the book of Exodus had always been associated with strife and jealousy. It is not difficult to understand the care Joseph took to ensure his father, Jacob, would bless the firstborn first. Three times previously Jacob had put the younger before the older, and each time it resulted in tragedy. Jacob, the younger brother, had sought to supplant his older brother Esau. Jacob favored the younger sister Rachel over Leah. And Jacob favored the youngest of his children, Joseph and Benjamin, over the elder Ruben, Shimon and Levi. The consequences were catastrophic: estrangement from Esau, tension between the two sisters, and hostility among his sons. Joseph himself bore the scars: thrown into a well by his brothers, who initially planned to kill him and eventually sold him into Egypt as a slave. Had not his father learned? Did Jacob know what he was doing? Did he not realize that he was risking extending the family feuds into the next generation? Besides which, what possible reason could he have for favoring the younger of his grandchildren over the older? He had not seen them before. He knew nothing about them except for their names. None of the factors that led to the earlier episodes were operative here.

Ephraim and Manasseh were Joseph’s two sons who were born after he arrived in Egypt.” The past was a bitter memory Joseph sought to remove from his mind. So, Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh, saying,” is because God has made me forget all my trouble in all my father’s household.” The second son he named Ephraim saying,” it is because God has made be fruitful in the land of my affliction.” Rabbi Jonathan Sacks says that Jacob’s blessing of Ephraim over Manasseh had nothing to do with their ages and everything to do with their names.  Jacob sought to signal to all future generations that there would be a constant tension between the desire to forget and the prompting of memory- that the ultimate home is somewhere else. Manasseh represents forgetting but Ephraim is the child who remembers the past but also plans for the future he will be part of.

The question remains:  Why were Ephraim and Manasseh, Jacob’s grandchildren, elevated above Jacob’s sons? There are several interpretations of this episode. One interpretation of this comes from Rabbi Zvi Elimelech.  It is an important foundation of the ethical traditions of Judaism not to exalt oneself over others and not to be jealous of another person. When Jacob saw that even though he chose the younger Ephraim to serve as the firstborn and despite this, Ephraim did not exalt himself over Manasseh and further, Manasseh was not jealous of Ephraim, Jacob said to himself:” If only all the children of Israel could be like this, free of arrogance and envy!”… Therefore, Israel is blessed specifically through them, so that like them there should not be jealousy and competition ruling them.

Aside from its evident moral message, this explanation speaks volumes about the hope of a grandfather for future generations of his family. If Jacob’s sons are anything, after all, they are jealous and competitive in the extreme. Selling a brother into slavery is about as good an indicator of the jealous and competitive tendencies as one could imagine. But here, on his deathbed, Jacob expresses his fervent hope that the competition that ruined his sons’ generation can be avoided in the next, and further, in all future generations of the Jewish people. In blessing our children with these words each Shabbat, then, we echo the hope that familial harmony will win the day, despite petty jealousies and competition that inevitably inhabit every family.

Contrast this with another interpretation by Rabbi Yehuda Leib Ginsburg: why, specifically,” like Ephraim and like Manasseh?” Jacob saw that the diaspora was growing closer to his children, and he knew that in a foreign place, Jews are put into the danger of assimilation and acculturation. Therefore, he blessed them that they should be like Ephraim and Manasseh, the first Jews who were born, grew up, and were educated in the diaspora, in Egypt, but despite this remained faithful to Judaism and the future Israel.

Rabbi Elimelech’s goal is to ensure that our children grow up better than their parents – less competitive and jealous, higher in moral stature. In essence, his hope is that children can benefit from seeing and avoiding the mistakes of their parents. However, Rabbi Ginsburg offers an alternative explanation, explaining that the blessing instead communicates to us that despite the many challenges of a diaspora which tends to draw children away from their Jewish roots, we hope and work hard to ensure they will grow up is committed Jews.

The threat that we face in North America is that we must confront the real possibility that our children and or grandchildren will not be Jewish. If we want there to be Jews in North America hundred years now, we need to do everything we can to make Judaism joyful and relevant.

We have read recently about many acts of anti-Semitism.  We worry about the growth of anti-Semitism in America. However, in an article in 2018 in the New York Times by Gal Beckerman entitled American Jews Face a Choice:  Create Meaning or Fade Away, it is pointed out that anti-Semitism is not what defines the experience of Jews in America today; assimilation is.   The professional worriers in the Jewish Community say it is love, not hate that poses the bigger existential challenge.  According to the article 72% of non-Orthodox Jews marry outside the tribe.  The infrastructure of Judaism, from the synagogue to the long-established liberal denominations, is being steadily abandoned.  Almost a third of millennial Jews are so unidentified with Judaism that they say they have no religion at all.

Tal Keinan has written: “Create meaning or accept extinction.”

A majority of American Jews in the 2013 Pew Survey rated humor and intellectual curiosity much higher than community and religious practice as indicators of Jewishness. There needs to be a push for inclusivity to offset the impact of the increasingly high rate of Jews marrying non-Jews. The aim must be to shock American Judaism out of complacency.

As pointed out, two rabbis have divergent meanings to the same words found in this parshah. This Shabbat, as we bless our children, let us hold these two different understandings of this blessing in mind: first, our hope that our children grow up as Ephraim and Manasseh did, in a harmonious family; where jealousy and hatred, competition and anger are banished; where they do not learn from less than optimal behaviors so that the next generation may grow up to be better than the last. And at the same time, let us hope that they will grow up to be like Ephraim and Manasseh in a second way: so that Judaism we instill in them takes root despite the challenges of the life in the diaspora. We are blessing them to never get lost as Jews.

With the beginning of the New Year, many of us have already started writing down and thinking about what, if any, resolutions we might want to make. Knowing that some of our resolutions have appeared on previous years’ lists, we know all too well how easily we can forget our best intentions when other things get in the way.

This week’s Torah portion, Vayigash, teaches another lesson which is equally, if not more worthy of a New Year’s resolution. It is part of the story of Joseph.

As we recall the story, Joseph’s brothers, in an act of jealousy and cruelty, had thrown him in a pit and sold him into slavery. Once a slave, Joseph managed to win his freedom and ultimately became the Viceroy of Egypt. Now, Joseph’s brothers were in Egypt because of the famine back home, to buy food and the necessities of life for their families. They came before Joseph who controls all of the supplies, but they did not recognize him. As the brothers bowed before him, an emotional Joseph yells out, “I am Joseph, your brother, the one you sold into slavery so many years ago!”

It would not be at all surprising to think Joseph might want revenge upon his brothers. After all, because of their actions, he was sold as a slave, ended up in a land far away, served time in prison, and spent many years in isolation, away from his beloved father, Jacob.

Thereafter, his brothers return from Egypt loaded down with food, provisions, and gifts. Arriving home, they report to their father the miraculous news that Joseph is still alive, and is in Egypt. After fainting, Jacob says, “It is enough; Joseph my son is still alive.”

There is such a thing as “enough”. The restoration of love between parent and child, between spouses, between friends – THAT is enough. A life lived with morality and purpose, THAT is surely enough. A community passionate in the service of God, THAT is clearly enough. As the Mishnah says, “Who is rich? One who is happy with his portion.”

Contentment is the only source of peace of mind.

Satisfaction is still our only wealth.

And, LOVE, after all, is the only possession… It is enough!

Let’s take a short break, I have a question for our learned scholars… 

Why did Joseph not go see his Father, Jacob, in the intervening years after he was out of slavery, to let him know that he was alive, healthy, and prosperous?

I am lost on the subject; even Google doesn’t know. Anybody?

Having revealed his identity, and rather than respond with anger or hatred, Joseph pleads with his brothers to let go of their own guilt and sadness, assuring them that what has happened to him has been part of God’s plan. Having had years to ponder what happened so long ago, and how he might respond to his brothers, Joseph may have had fantasies of how to make his brothers pay for their actions.

Yet, in the end, he realizes that while the moment might seem sweet, it would not last. It would destroy his brothers and, in the end, destroy himself… It would not change what happened between his brothers and him, nor would it change all that has happened since that time, much of which was actually good for him. Moreover, it would not change the fact that his brothers are still his brothers. Any act of vengeance would only continue the cycle of hurt and destruction – for his brothers and for himself. As Gandhi once said: ‘An eye for an eye – can…

…make the whole world blind.

Yes, said Joseph, I am the brother whom you sold into slavery, and that fact remains. However, sadness and regret lead to revenge and that is the deepest pit of all. And, I am no longer in that void. Instead, I am choosing to live life in the present not in the past, to love despite the hurt, and to reconcile over the pain. My life has unfolded in a way that I could do God’s work. Therefore, in the end, it is not about me and it’s not about all of you, but about the goodness and blessings of the life we have all been given.

In this Parasha, I am struck by Joseph’s willingness to make sacrifices for his father’s God.  Joseph does not ask, “what’s in it for me?”  Instead, his guiding questions are “what do I owe God?  What does God expect of me?”

Judaism cannot survive unless Jews are willing to make sacrifices on its behalf.  God cannot make a difference in this world unless we are willing to maintain our posts regardless of personal pain.  Needy Jews (and non-Jews alike) will not be helped unless we help provide the resources and energy necessary to assure the presence and health of Jewish institutions, coupled with the charities for those in need, whomever they are…

Once upon a time, Jews understood that communal institutions deserved their support and affiliation—not for what each individual got out of them at that moment, but because those institutions allowed us to take care of each other and to serve God.  Bikkur Holim committees visit the sick and insure that no Jewish person in poor health is neglected.  Hevra Kadisha – assures us of the proper and loving care for the remains of deceased Jews.  Menachem Aveilim are committees that provide Shiva Minyanim and comfort mourners while assuring that they have food to maintain their health, despite their sorrow.

In addition, the Minyanim assures that a sizable number of Jews are always on hand to pray, to study, and to provide community to all who need it.

Once upon a time, Jews gave to charities—both Jewish and non-Jewish—at a far higher rate than their gentile neighbors did.

Members of those organizations did not give of their time and their money because it felt good.  They did so because that was what a mensch does. Like Joseph and Jacob, they were prepared to make a sacrifice for the greater good of their fellow Jews, their fellow human beings, and their brit, the covenant with God.

Alas, it looks like those days are ending.  If I do not enjoy it, I quit.  If I do not need it, I stop supporting it.

We pay attention to a part of Hillel’s wisdom, recorded in the Mishnah: “If I am not for myself, who will be?”  However, we are less attentive to Hillel’s next line: “If I am only for myself, what am I?”

The problem with only staying involved when it serves our own interests is that we can no longer count on each other during our own moments of need, and that includes everybody.  If we do not support synagogues, federation, and charities for the sake of others, why should others stay involved for us?

We had this problem during the last century; nobody came to help our Jewish brethren in Europe, until the Allies invaded and conquered Germany in 1945. The losses were dreadful, with atrocious and appalling numbers. Non-Jews in Poland and Germany, as elsewhere – knew what was happening. They knew the nature of that sickening smell in the air, the smoke that hung over their cities. However, WHO came to help us? Why did THEY not do something?

Anything – to stop the atrocities being committed every hour for 12 years?

In a world in which everybody looks out for number one, we never add up to much.      Why? Because, ONE is the loneliest number in the world!

Perhaps – making a sacrifice to help others is a good investment for us to make. If we brave the wilderness of the less fortunate, and learn how we can help, maybe we can work together. ALL of us, working collectively and in concert, can make planet Earth a better place for one another to live.

I must thank the following people who provided spiritual inspiration during my preparation of this D’var Torah.

Rabbi Cheryl Peretz

Rabbi Bradley Artson

Rabbi Shefa Gold

Rabbi Ephraim Pelcovits

In closing, I wish each one of you a Safe & Spiritual Shabbat Shalom…

Parashat Re’eh teaches us: If we obey God’s commandments, we shall be blessed; if we choose disobedience, we shall be cursed. Laws specify that our people must observe – be wary of false prophets, not consume the blood of animals that are slaughtered.  A lot of rules. But, being the eternal optimist that I am, I prefer to focus on the following: Parashat Re’eh tells us to “rejoice before the Eternal our God.” (Deut. 12:12)

It sounds easy and simple, so possible, but often worry simply gets in our way.  In reality, we have enough reasons to let worry consume our lives. We oftentimes are  disappointed by momentary glitches among our interactions with others. Trivial things can bog us down, along life’s larger issues: aging, health concerns, fears of our mortality, the threat of violence, praying for the welfare of the people we love. It can be easy to be worried or anxious, even about situations that have not even happened. We might feel vulnerable and that can interfere with being able to rejoice.

We recently have found ourselves in an unprecedented time – COVID19 and the incredible losses that some are experiencing around us. Some have lost loved ones, or you might know someone that has had such a loss. Some have lost jobs, or know someone who has. We might be lonely, bored, stifled from being able to move about as we please, go where we want to go, see who we want to see. For those that are economically challenged, it can be easy to focus on when that fear of not enough will abate. It can feel that life will never be what it was before, making it difficult to see the many blessings that do exist in our lives. Perhaps someone you know is having a hard time seeing that there truly is joy in our lives.

In Rabbi Artson’s words, “For the spiritually alive, life is a constant marvel. Without having asked to live, without doing anything to deserve the gifts of life, companionship, and joy, we are offered these gifts in an abundance that is staggering. Judaism helps restore our thanks for everything we receive so effortlessly. Serving God implies the capacity to feel gratitude, a response of joy to the many wonders of living.” We must go forward, taking it one day at a time, living life to its fullest, with gratitude and recognition for the blessings we have.

Each of us, given the space and time to reflect, has the ability to create a list of “miracles,” even when we have suffered loss. When we pay attention, the ‘ordinary’ becomes extraordinary and our sense of joy, if we are able to allow it, can take our breath away:

1. For the miracle of the close ties of friendship. Friends can spend their lifetimes getting to know each other as people, growing to accept, appreciate, and love each other as independent human beings. I have interacted with my friends nearly as much during lockdown as I did prior to being quarantined. It’s just been in a different format – virtually. Because of lockdown, I’ve personally reached out to friends that I otherwise wouldn’t have and often hear others say the same thing – they are reconnecting with college friends or distant family members that they hadn’t connected with in years. This isn’t social distancing, it’s only physical distancing. I will continue to enjoy these interactions and will make an effort to continue even when quarantine is over. It’s a blessing to be thankful for.
2. For the miracle of being able to build and celebrate community – the joy of connecting with each other on Shabbat – whether in person or online. I’m so grateful for this opportunity, that we have the technology to connect with each other and can feel friendship and support. I experience it when we pray together, when we do mitzvahs together, and when we eat together – I do miss that. You have become my “extended family” and I feel the blessing of community.
3. For the miracle of being able to make this world a little better, a little more caring, a little more humane than it was when we entered it. Thank you to Brenda and Michelle for organizing the communal effort on the masks. I’ve enjoyed participating in that. To be honest, that opportunity couldn’t have come at a better time for me – when I needed to be busy as I transition into life as a single person for the first time in nearly 30 years. I am inspired by the generosity and warmth of the Kehillah.
4. For the miracle – perhaps the greatest one of all – of simply being: having an opportunity to think, feel, experience, and wonder. Most of the time we take things for granted. At times, we rush around and fill our days with busyness when we might not need to. I sense that now, more than ever before. At rare moments in our lives – we have the chance to pause– we see the marvel of life, we slow down, maybe rest a bit more, maybe learn a bit more about ourselves and others and can realign our priorities. And I hope that all of us are aware of how important it is to appreciate the gift of a pause, savor the changes you might have made because of it and consider keeping that in your agenda once things return to “normal” and not default back into over scheduled activity.

Our tradition bids us to cultivate awareness, mindfulness, and beyond mindfulness, a thrill at being alive. Indeed, enjoying life is a way to say “thank You.” Let us also be reminded that Judaism calls upon us to remember those who cannot rejoice without our help. In the words of the Rambam, “the Torah sensitizes us to assure the joy of the powerless, the poor, and the stranger.” Reaching beyond the boundaries of self and embracing others as well, cultivating meaningful connections with our families, our communities, our people, and with God, we can attain a true joy.

One of the ways we can channel joy is through gratitude. I’m reading A.J. Jacobs’ Thanks A Thousand, A Gratitude Journey. This was a gift to me, from my son, which he gave to me during a time when I was not feeling very grateful and needed a boost in that direction. The idea of the book is deceptively simple: the author would thank every single person involved in producing his morning cup of coffee. The resulting journey takes him across the globe and reveals secrets about how gratitude can change us all. Jacobs instructs the reader to focus on the hundreds of things that go right every day instead of the few that go wrong. Gratitude improves compassion, heals your body and helps battle depression. It can make our lives happier, kinder and more meaningful.

May each of us recognize our blessings, do our best. As Alan Morinis, founder of the Mussar Institute, teaches, to “weave thankfulness deeply into the very fabric of our being,” every day, and then we will truly be able to rejoice before G-d. Shabbat Shalom.

“A minyan of Comfort” is the name of a widely used prayer book in houses of mourning. It is an especially popular book in Conservative Jewish congregations. We gather to comfort those who mourn. And they, in turn, accept our comfort.

But in today’s parashah, we read, “And Jacob refused to be comforted.” He had been shown a blood-stained tunic that belonged to Joseph. His sons told him that poor Joseph must have been devoured by some wild beast. And so in a somewhat cryptic phrase, we’re told that Jacob wouldn’t accept the typical mourning ritual that begins with accepting the comfort of loved ones. Maybe he held out hope that Joseph was still alive, or maybe he was simply too grief-stricken to accept comfort. Who knows? Commentators like the first possibility – it gives them much more grist for D’vars!

As I thought about the issue of accepting comfort, I realized that this topic of offering comfort doesn’t always have to refer to those in mourning. And when applied to these other issues, it has lessons for us that go beyond mourning.

As you know, I’ve been in my current office since 2011. When I was 60 years old, I wanted to take a bit more time off for vacations, some half-days during the week, etc. My partners sensed an opportunity. By insisting that I continue to pay a full share of overhead, they perhaps thought they could force an early retirement, thus inheriting all my patients into their practice. The COO of the company tried to comfort me, and told me that I had had a wonderful career, that this might be a good time to do some more volunteer stuff, some additional writing and teaching. But I refused to be comforted and, while staying in the company, I started out anew in a different locale, designing the practice and my schedule just the way I wanted it. It’s been great!

In any case, reading the parashah, we of course know the story will go on. we read how Joseph ends up in prison and at the end of the parashah, Joseph is left in despair. His buddy in prison forgets to recommend him for a commutation of his sentence when a dream interpretation gig comes up. You can read it as we do the Torah reading. All, it seems, is lost. Poor Jacob. Poor Joseph. Of course, as in a TV drama series, we know there’s more. After all, we have the whole Exodus story yet to come. How can Joseph’s story end here?

In both instances, unlike in a sporting event there is no whistle signaling that the game is over. Joseph’s story doesn’t end as it may have in a Greek tragedy. As in so many other instances, this is the Torah – decidedly NOT a Greek tragedy.

In Judaism, unlike in ancient Greek thought, fate has not been decreed. The Torah teaches that the human condition and an individual’s story are not inherently sad, nor must they be filled only with despair.  Heroes are note fated to fail or fall. Joseph is ultimately redeemed.

And here, stuck in the middle of the parashah comes a chapter about Tamar. Tamar is married to Er, Judah’s oldest son. Recall that Judah is one of Jacob’s sons, and one who had sold Joseph into slavery. Er’s life was, “Taken by the Lord,” for unspecified displeasing behavior. As was customary in those days, Er’s younger brother then marries Tamar, but his behavior also displeased Gd, so he, too, was struck down.

Judah wonders if maybe Tamar is the problem and keeps his third son away from her, lest he also be struck with an early death. Like so many other women of the Torah, Tamar is childless. I’m sure all her friends tried to comfort her. But she refuses to be comforted and concocts a plan. Dressing as a harlot, she seduces Judah, who accommodates her.

Finally, Tamar has her child. But when she is about to be revealed by Judah as being a sinful seductress, she pulls a rabbit out of her hat, producing the seal that Judah had given her as collateral, pending payment for services rendered. Judah knows that he had been had. He was the father of Tamar’s child. Tamar is spared. She has her child – twins, in fact. All is not lost, after all! And more than that, one of the kids fathers a line that leads to King David! how about that! Instead of being comforted for being childless and accepting her unfortunate fate, Tamar takes action.

Remember how when Moses first encounters Gd, before the Exodus, he asks Gd to see Gd’s face so that he might know Gd? And Gd answers what? That’s right – Gd tells Moses that he may only see Gd’s back – not Gd’s face. In other words and by one interpretation, he only sees Gd after Gd has passed. Metaphorically, this can be construed that we only know that Gd has acted when we see the results – not beforehand. Personally, I don’t believe that Gd manipulates events. I’m not one who would say that ‘”everything happens for a reason.” I do, though, believe, in accordance with the best of our tradition, that it’s up to us to react to events and to behave so as to make the best of a given situation.

So the lessons here of Joseph, Jacob and Tamar teach us that in Judaism, despair is never justified. Even in circumstances that appear bleak, there should always be hope, with its sidekick – a resolve to make things better.

Vayishlach… And he sent…     Jacob sent malachim- Angels/Messengers onto his brother Esau, and when they returned to him, they related that Esau had 400 men and flocks and more.  Jacob was to meet his brother Esau the next day and it had been 20 years since they had last seen each other after Jacob traded a bowl of porridge to Esau for the birthright and blessings of the firstborn from their father, Isaac.  Jacob then became even more afraid of his fate, and at this moment, he entreated Hashem for protection in a state of complete humility.  So it is for Jacob, once again, he is only able to face the truth with humility when he is afraid for his life.  Is it not so, for many of us, that only in times of utter despair can we be humbled?  In this state of humility, or not, Jacob reminds Hashem that He has promised to make Jacob the father of a multitude and once again, Jacob bargains with Hashem for his life.

There is so much in this Parsha that we could focus on, but I prefer to focus on Jacob on this night prior to meeting up with Esau, who’s birthright Jacob had bargained to gain.  Please note that Jacob always seems to need to bargain for what he wants or needs.  That night, Jacob spent alone, having divided his family and flocks into two separate camps.  He encountered an unfamiliar angel that night and they wrestled until morning at which time the angel asked Jacob to be released.  In the course of their fight the angel had injured Jacob’s hip.  Jacob would only release the angel once the angel had blessed him.  The angel then blessed him and changed Jacob’s name to Israel, for he had wrestled both man and G-d and had prevailed.  This fits with the Jewish tradition that in extreme circumstances changing one’s name can change one’s destiny.  He is no longer Jacob the trickster or Jacob the bargainer, he is now Israel, the father of a nation.

There is much discourse from rabbinic sources as to who this angel was.  To some, this was Esau’s messenger-angel and to others simply G-d’s messenger.  To still others, and this is my position, the angel was Jacob’s deceitful/sinful self, wrestling with Jacob’s aspirational self who desires to change the course of his life.

When we look at Jacob this way, we can also see and acknowledge our own imperfections.  We can see and acknowledge those temptations that prevent us from actualizing our better selves.  This is not a single night’s struggle for Jacob or for any of us.  Rather, this is an every-day and seemingly moment to moment struggle.  In every situation, in every moment, there are decisions to be made in which our better angel is wrestling with our darker more selfish angel.  When our better angel wins the moment, we find it easier to be at peace and we can love ourselves.  Such is the truth of life.  Every moment, with every decision can be a Holy moment.  Holiness is the essence, and the good is its expression.

When we learn to behave in the moment, guided by Holiness…  When we make the right decisions…  That is when we learn to love ourselves, and then we can love one another.  This establishes the relationships within our family, our community, and the world at large.  Truth and love are the Holy essence of the Human experience, as manifested in good actions that result from good decisions.

Shabbat Shalom