Every Shabbat we have the opportunity to listen to congregants speak about a particular area of the parsha that informs, reminds us or get’s us thinking about an idea or particular  topic. It is a privilege to share D’var’s with the Kehilat. This week’s parsha inspired me to consider the topic of leadership.

There are many Torah interpretations of what makes a good Jewish leader though a simple and synthesized version I found came from Lianne Heller of the William Davidson Graduate School of Jewish Education of The Jewish Theological Seminary who notes that leadership can be found in the ‘Shorashim’ (roots) of the three ‘L’s:

1)  Listen – Shema Yisra’el where we are commanded to hear, listen, obey, pay attention, heed and understand – all by that single word, Shema.

2)  Learning – While usually instinctual and constant practice it also stems from curiosity and of course asking the right/relevant questions. In fact one of our many Torah scholars, Larry Tobin, taught me about asking the right questions during his multiple Pirkei Avot sessions. For example I remember that Pirkei Avot asks us “Who is Wise” – and usually it is one who is open to learning from all people.

3) Love – the last of the ‘L’s’ in this trifecta- is found in the concept of Betzelem Elokim; people are made in God’s image. We are taught to love and respect one another throughout our lives.

So jumping to today’s Parsha, Vaera, what can we learn about Leadership and the three ‘L’s and how did an oppressed people who experienced centuries of slavery become inspired to freedom?

In today’s parsha G-d said: “I will bring you into the land which I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and I will give it to you for a possession, I the Lord. But when Moses told this to the Israelites they would not listen to Moses, their spirits crushed by cruel bondage.”

In fact, the great leader Moses took at least 5 opportunities to convince G-d he was not the right one to lead the Israelites to freedom. These memorable quotes from Exodus include:

‘I’m not good enough’ – “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” -Exodus 3:11

‘I don’t have all the answers’ – “Then Moses said to G-d, “Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, ‘The G-d of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they say to me, ‘What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?” -Exodus 3:13 

‘People won’t believe me’ –“Then Moses answered and said, “But suppose they will not believe me or listen to my voice; suppose they say, ‘G-d has not appeared to you.’ ” -Exodus 4:1

‘I’m a terrible public speaker’ – “Then Moses said to G-d, “….I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” -Exodus 4:10 

‘Anyone but me’ (I’m not qualified) – “…please send by the hand of whomever else You may send.” -Exodus 4:13   

Along with the L’s one might say that G-d added a ‘P’ for persistence to persuade Moses and would also provide a big ‘C’ of Credibility for Moses’ leadership. In fact, G-d knew Moses was the right person – after all he had been raised in Pharaoh’s palace.

The Israelites didn’t know what they didn’t know after decades/centuries of being born and working in a repressive culture of hard labor. They were restricted to “living” (if one could really call this a life) a hard cruel and unusual life.

So it is remarkable to consider how G-d, Moses and Aaron were able to get the “crushed” Israelite slaves to believe in a ‘remote’ glimmer of freedom particularly from two leaders, one with a speech impediment, stutter or stammer and of course his articulate brother Aaron. As we know G-d directs Aaron to speak on behalf of Moses as they are messengers from G-d.

By the way contemporary stutterers who have also had their difficulties include the likes of Marilyn Monroe (who had a speech coach), Winston Churchill (who practiced his speeches relentlessly), and Tony, Golden Globe Winner, “May the Force be With You”, voice of Darth Vader, James Earl Jones (yes-indeed that James Earl Jones).

So back to our Parasha – can you imagine persuading a guy (Pharaoh) who was referred to as ‘Lord of the Two Lands’ (ruler of Upper and Lower Egypt) because he alone owned all of the land, made laws, collected taxes, and defended Egypt against foreigners?

By the way he was also known as ‘High Priest of Every Temple’ (no doubt to G-d’s disdain) because he represented ‘Earth G-ds’, performed rituals and had Israelites and others whose lands he had conquered provide the indentured servitude necessary to build temples to honor those G-ds.

So on the one hand, how and why would the Israelites choose to follow the Leadership of Moses and Aaron given the slaves obstacles of mind and body oppression/depression and hard labor? Between G-d, Moses and Aaron they started a ‘Movement’ toward freedom.

Further – what about powerful Pharaoh who laughed at the thought of freedom for the slaves. He only want to keep what he had and continue his powerful and terrible reign of authority.

Let’s get back to our ‘L’s’ – Moses and Aaron listened to G-d and in turn the slaves ‘Listened’ to the word of Moses and Aaron which sparked a belief, purpose and cause – Essentially a movement of FREEDOM.  Over time the Israelites believed that they would one day experience freedom by Listening and observing the experience of plagues delivered through the actions of G-d through Moses & Aaron.

Pharaoh on the other hand did not Listen to Moses and Aaron let alone anyone. No one could influence him in spite of the plagues due to his hard-headed ignorance. Pharaoh had a different belief system – one grounded in ‘Earth-G-ds’.

What did the Israelites Learn?  Through their daily foggy oppression from fear of punishment or death the Israelites personal purpose was moment by moment survival, satisfied by a small amount of food and water and hopefully no beatings. With the guidance and shared beliefs of Moses and Aaron they Learned to believe that one day they would experience freedom though freedom came with changing an ingrained belief system of oppression to to one G-d and one G-d only. They Learned to believe their lives could actually be filled (one day) with peace of mind in a land flowing with milk and honey.

What did Pharaoh Learn?  Not much – and G-d wreaked havoc on his lands and people with the plagues. Perhaps Pharaoh believed that his ‘earth G-ds’ like, Hapfi the G-d of the Nile, Heqet, the Egyptian goddess of fertility and Ra the sun G-d were vulnerable to the plagues.  With every plague before the death of the first born son – Pharaoh’s fear, EGO, arrogance and pride grew and stopped him from seeing the severity of enslavement and oppression. He listened to Moses and Aaron’s request to free the slaves when it became ‘painfully personal and convenient’ with the final plague and the loss of his son.

What about Love?

Pharaoh sought to protect his Love of collecting taxes, creating structures in honor of ‘Earth G-ds’ and controlling the level of oppression and very hard labor the slaves endured.

Through their movement, Moses, Aaron and the Israelites had a shared purpose, belief and cause to learn to Love their G-d, Love their fellow-man and most importantly to Love themselves to ultimately find self dignity and respect.

Leaders throughout history have had their challenges and some have overcame them such as Lincoln, Gandhi, Mandela and Churchill to name a few.

For those of us that choose a leadership role in 2020, how will we apply the ‘3-L’s’ to Listen, Learn and Love in a leadership role?  Our newly elected Shul president, Mike Raboy, and board members have committed to improve programs that will help our congregation grow and provide inclusive programming.

What will you choose to do in a volunteer Leadership role or otherwise this year?  As you think about your own Leadership role in this new year consider this quote from Seth Godin:

“The secret of leadership is simple: Do what you believe in. Paint a picture of the future. Go there. People will follow.”  They will follow not because of you but because of their personal shared purpose, belief or cause.

How long do we or should we grieve and follow the process of bereavement for the loss of a loved one?

While I am not an expert on the topic of grieving nor follower/student of Dr. Joel Roffman or David Kessler (grief experts), I turned to what all of us Kehilah scholars may do to find out about grief (Google) – which mentions that:

While

How did we arrive at todays parshat Matot-Massei from the Exodus?

Here is a quick and a very abbreviated summary of highlights:  130 to 400 years of  enslavement in Egypt; approximately 600,000 Israelites flee in Exodus from Egypt following plagues; witness miracles from G-d (like waters parting, thunderous clouds);  collude to build a golden calf; Moses becomes the first to connect with “the cloud” and brings down written tablets of 10 Commandments from Mt  Sinai; tablets smashed and a new updated set is re-released; fast forward through 12 spies – 10 of whom agreed on a very dim outlook of a not so promised land;  however two spies Joshua and Caleb are chosen to lead the Israelites into the promised land because they bring back a good report about the land ahead and believe G-d will help the Israelites succeed to create a land free of idolatry, one based on Torah in a land flowing with milk and honey; then 40 years of wandering; and by today’s parshat Matot-Massei (Matot means’tribe’ & Massei means ‘journey’) the wandering has almost ended.

In this parashat Moses describes the commandments of oaths and vows in ongoing oral law; the Israelites battle the Midianites; the tribes of Reuben and Gad negotiate with Moses to allow their people to dwell outside of the Land of Israel for the sake of their livestock and their families (Moses tells the leaders of the tribes that they need to put children, families and education first).

This parshat got me thinking about how laws/commandments were actually communicated throughout all 12 tribes of Israel.  For example in today’s parshat – Moses negotiates with the tribes of Reuben and Gad and directs the leaders of these tribes to pay attention to vows and oaths saying, “This is the word that G-d has commanded. If a man/(woman) makes a vow to G-d or swears saying, “This is the word that G-d has commanded. If a man/woman makes a vow to G-d or swears an oath, he/she must fulfill their word.” Further, Moses states through G-d that “A

In this weeks parasha Shelach (which means to send, send to you, send for yourself)  God commands Moses to send 12 men (SPIES) – to check out the promised land before the Israelites enter the land.As explained in the parasha the results of this expedition were less than remarkable for at least 10 of the ‘SPIES’ – in fact one might say it was not only a lack of belief and inspired leadership, but also perhaps for our purposes here today,  a lack of faith.  The Torah explains that a plague kills 10 of the spies with the exception of Caleb and Joshua two of the twelve spies that had faith and perhaps a vision of what God had laid out before the Israelites. Ultimately as we are told in the Parasha – God selects Caleb to replace Moses to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land along with Joshua.

Because of the 10 spies transgressions when they described their fear and supposed risks they described which were associated with entering the promised land God commanded an entire generation of Israelites to wander for 40 years and all men who were 20 years and older would die in the desert  until the new Generation of men younger than 20 years of age were ready to enter the promised land.

There are many interpretations of why the spy activity was a failed project, the consequences of what failure meant to the spies and Israelites and what and why Moses said that God commanded the spies to do.  It was as if God was resetting or renewing expectations for the Israelites by assuring theirs would be a land flowing with milk and honey.  However this idea of a land flowing  may have been hard to conceive for the Israelites after so many centuries of mental and physical oppressive slavery.

It’s hard to imagine that 10 spies did not understand the ‘long game’ with purpose, cause or belief on their mission to evaluate the promised land.

For me this parasha has much to do with internal belief leading to confident, deliberate and strategic decision making related to the risk/reward of entering the Promised Land.

And where was Dwight Eisenhower to offer his insight? Eisenhower famously said,  “In preparing for battle, I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable”  The Israelites never got to the planning stages. Sometimes simply asking a question amongst a group of people with the same purpose, cause or beliefs is all that one needs to start a positive movement.

Like – How can we make this land of milk and honey OUR society?

A society that is a safe and healthy, where our people will be treated not as slaves but instead with humanity, dignity and respect.  A society without petulant, autocratic and demigod rulers and instead with laws that are fairly administered to all.

Rather than having an inspired vision from God for creating a just and verdant society, one with social, economic, education and welfare based systems, 10 of the spies had a fearful vision of the risks associated with taking over the Canaanite land. Some of the spies stated that the Israelites were like grasshoppers next to the large overwhelming Canaanite community.Does anyone else see a paradox with 10 of the spies who were fearful of the Canaanite Nation  when the ‘WORD ON THE STREET’ was out that all nations should fear the Israelites – God’s people who were able to flee and out run the powerful nation of Egypt?

In the big picture the entire spy situation appears to be a test or validation of the Israelites fidelity to God. For IF the Israelites had truly believed that God could help them they would have trusted Gods request to check out the promised land in the first place.  Right?  You know the God who cast plagues upon Egypt and helped Moses negotiate the exit plan and ultimate emancipation from Egypt.

For me this parasha is about a lack of thoughtful and abject POSITIVE AND INSPIRED leadership. Also it’s about the negative beliefs of the 10 spies who ultimately influence the Israelites into believing that the risks of entering the promised land out-weighed the benefits.Would the risks of entering the Promised Land have been ameliorated had the spies beliefs, cause or purpose been bigger than the commandment that  they the spies were to ‘scout-out’ the land?

For example – perhaps God or Moses being the visionary he was could have framed an INSPIRED vision that this Promised Land is actually safe and would bring laughter, hope, health, happiness AND that this Israelite society was one they could create and develop by and for the Israelite Community, the Chosen People so the Community could continue to learn Torah, pray to one God, create an economy, raise families, livestock and crops,  build homes live in peace and expand the surviving generation of people who had been through so many life changing experiences in such a short  period of time.

OH Yes and by the way there is this community of Canaanites and we can figure out a strategy to extricate them since their beliefs are antithetical to ours.With a little inspired leadership would or could that vision have changed perspectives, attitudes, fear and uncertainty for the Israelites?

Caleb from the tribe of Judah  and Joshua from the tribe of Ephraim were the optimists who believed a story like or similar to this.

They had vision, belief, cause and purpose perhaps because they held personal beliefs and hope for future generations of Israelites and they remembered clearly what God had done for the Israelites by bringing the Chosen People out of oppression.

Perhaps Caleb and Joshua also believed that because the Israelite people successfully made it out of oppressive Egyptian captivity with the help of God and the leadership of Moses the Israelites could successfully move into the land they had been promised by God. Sure it would be risky though Caleb and Joshua must have found the faith, confidence and belief within themselves to know that it was possible.

The strength in their minds and hearts for God, for a better life that did not initially include wandering the desert. Caleb and Joshua  saw a glass that was not only half-full but perhaps they thought it was important to have a larger glass for a vast society inspired and envisioned by God for the Israelites. For Caleb and Joshua moving into the Promised Land was the best option for the Israelites.

Here are four take away’s to consider from today’s Parasha when it comes to making important decisions:

1) be vulnerable enough to share what is known and what is not known and ask WHY- for example – Why are we going into the promised land? Why is this important and why should anyone care?2) ask questions of ourselves and others like: How can we better care for ourselves and others in our community so we know where we are going and what our purpose, cause and beliefs are about?

3) listen closely and humbly to questions others ask  and listen carefully for  answers that make sense to our hearts and minds and are consistent with our personal values and beliefs

4) share knowledge to discover new questions/answers that will inspire us to move forward

A favorite TED Talk of mine is Simon Sinek’s How Great Leader’s Inspire Action. Sinek states that ‘Leaders hold positions of  power or authority. HOWEVER we all have a choice to seek out inspired leaders or organizations that cause us to follow not because we have to butbecause we want to.  We follow inspired leaders not for them – but for ourselves.

As a Citizen Support Team member with the Dallas County Sheriff Reserves I volunteer with sworn deputy sheriffs who are trained, licensed, and insured to carry guns. Recently I visited the Dallas County Quartermaster. For those who may not know – the Quartermaster provides uniforms and equipment for peace officers (police, first responders, sheriffs). When I went in to pick up my traffic vest for upcoming events I commented to the Quartermaster that it was interesting that like the peace officers who come to get their uniforms and equipment issued that the scene reminded me strangely enough of the County jail when prisoners are at intake getting their uniforms issued. The Quartermaster commented that WE ARE ALL ONE DECISION AWAY (from jail intake).  Not sure how many of you have friends or family or you yourself have experienced incarceration – it’s more common than one might imagine and definitely a punishment that extends far beyond ones childhood punishment of standing in a corner for an hour.

This circuitously brings me back around to today’s parsha and specifically Aaron’s two sons Nadav and Avihu who made at least one bad decision that lead to their untimely deaths. We could spend time today exploring the laws of Kashrut or how the Tabernacle was consecrated – though this portion of Shmini is very thought provoking.

There is much midrashic speculation on why Nadav and Avihu were killed on the day of and shortly before inaugural sacrifices were to begin in the Mishkan.  For example –

Were Nadav and Avihu drunk?

Had they committed moral sins that they were punished for on the auspicious occasion of the dedication to make an example of G-D’s power/authority?

Did the brothers not know the rules about approaching G-D without G-Ds authorization to bring fire to the Mishkan?

Were Nadav and Avihu’s limbic and prefrontal cortexes mis-firing- (that is: the limbic system that produces emotions like fear while the balance from the prefrontal cortex provides thoughts that are deliberate along with rational thinking and potential consequences)?

Had Aaron’s son’s missed the numerous occasions their uncle Moses shared the risks of death that G-D shared with him? For example, if one were to look at or get too close to G-D when G-D spoke to the people of Israel- for example looking directly at the cloud or other natural images such as a burning bush or an early ascent of Mt Sinai?

In fact in Exdous (20:17) G-D warns Moses that no one shall ascend Mount Sinai:  G‑d spoke to Moses (again): “Go to the people and prepare them…. And they shall be prepared for the third day, for on the third day, G-D will descend before the eyes of all the people upon Mount Sinai. And you shall set boundaries for the people around, saying, Beware of ascending the mountain or touching its edge; whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death.’ No hand shall touch it, for he shall be stoned or cast down; whether man or beast, he shall not live. When the ram’s horn sounds a long, drawn out blast, they may ascend the mountain.”

OR were Nadav and Avihu simply two enthusiastic zealots with a desire to do good and follow G-D’s commandments in spite of their otherwise ONE DECISION resulting in their premature and imminent deaths?

Why should this event be remarkable – I mean doesn’t this happen today? For example, like Moses, with well known people of the time, like Felicity Huffman, Lori Loughlin and author Jane Buckingham who made fateful decisions that got them ‘BURNED’ in a different way – while also showing their progeny and the world how little they believed in their children’s abilities. Hey – at  least Moses had bestowed G-d’s blessing on Aaron, Nidav and Avihu because one would have to believe G-D had faith and confidence in the collective brother’s ability and perhaps enthusiasm to follow G-D’s commandments.

Of course ubiquitous rules help us with daily decisions. Rules/regulations/laws are the guides that help business grow and flow and sports teams and athletes win and lose. They help maintain boundaries to make informed and appropriate decisions.  When a ticket is required for transportation or when a ticket is required for speeding.  And rules change except for pi – isn’t it always 3.1415…?

Maybe Nadav and Avihu thought the ‘RULES’ had changed for them upon their anointment to share the responsibilities with the high priests – the Kohanim.  Or maybe the brothers thought the rules were simply advice and they thought – well hey G-D really trusts us -let’s bring him some fire to thank him and we will light the place up.

Obviously Nidav and Avihu were not around to read Terry Pratchett’s Thief of Time  where Pratchett wrote:  “Look, that’s why there’s rules, understand? So that you think before you break ’em.”

So let’s all take time to learn, practice and remember the rules and make wise decisions.  Oh yeah & remember your sweater so you don’t get cold!

I am fortunate to give this D’var since it is usually delivered by Joel or Iris as they sit on the board of the Dallas Hebrew Free Loan Association.  I’d like it if Joel would say a few words at the end of the D’var about DHFLA.

How is a moral and just society built?  One can look to the commandments/laws outlined in this weeks parasha – Mishpatim.

Last week we received the 10 Commandments – this week we receive an additional 53 ‘Covenant Collection Laws’. Like the laws we learn about today in Mishpatim such as  the- Laws of Slaves, Laws of Manslaughter, kidnapping, injuring a parent, personal damages, forbidden magic, idolatry, holidays,  the laws of stray animals and violent animals and the laws of lending money.

In fact – Exodus 22:24 states:  ‘If (or really WHEN) you lend money to my people, to the poor among you,  do not act towards them as a creditor and you may not charge them interest.’

How many times have ‘WE’ been able to borrow money without interest to purchase a car, property or say  education? OR how many times have we been told by the Secretary of Commerce through the Executive Branch that banks or other lending institutions (different from the Hebrew Free Loan Association) can loan us money (with interest) if we are furloughed Federal workers?  Oops – let’s get back to the D’var –

Essentially, law and guidance from Torah about lending to THOSE IN NEED is that the loan is not to benefit the lender by receiving interest on the outstanding loan. The loan should benefit the indigent – the person in need.

However, what about when we or someone we may know of was in a compromised position (like no job or furloughed, lack of savings, living paycheck to paycheck).  How did that situation feel to you or to them? What action did this cause us to take or did it? Can any of us imagine what it would be like to not have a source of income and live under alternate circumstances?   If not you are welcomed to join me in Homeless volunteer work – truly a real ‘wake up’  experience and is surely one that will humble.

Let’s be clear here -G-d did not say – hey – ignore the crying baby or throw obstacles in the way of the disabled/blind. Nope-it was more about showing compassion for those who do not have the resources to support a balanced life.

A person in financial need really can be anyone among us.  In fact it’s not about ‘THEM’ (the POOR) and us because as the Torah points out we are us and we were made in “b’tzelem elokim” – the image of G-d.

So why might someone put ‘blinders on’ or ignore or disregard someone who is seeking help?

Essentially, we as Jews are to recognize those less fortunate than ourselves because we were once an oppressed and poor people.   People who need help are not separate from us – THEY ARE US.  For another real example – visit Parkland Hospital and speak with the medical personnel who work in the mental health extended observation unit or visit the County jail and tour the floors in the jail that ‘house’ mentally ill individuals unable to post bond and essentially have no-where to go and usually no one that will have them except the Texas State Hospitals IF beds are available and IF these individuals ‘qualify’ for a bed.

Again- WE are not ‘better’ than the oppressed and poor because we were once oppressed and poor.  In fact this is pointed out twice in Mishpatim.  G-d wants us to REMEMBER WHERE WE CAME FROM.

In My Jewish Learning, Rabbi Jill Jacobs points out that those of us who do not live in dire poverty often protect ourselves from any sense of vulnerability by finding ways to differentiate ourselves from the poor: ‘THEY’ must be poor because ‘THEY’ don’t work hard, because ‘THEY’ drink or self medicate or take drugs to cope with ‘THEIR’ illness, or because ‘THEY’ come from dysfunctional families, or because ‘THEY’ live paycheck to paycheck and so forth. Seeing each poor person as our sibling cuts through any attempts to separate ourselves from him or her

Rabbi Jacobs also points out that like the concept of achikha (or brotherhood), this demand forces us to see each poor person as an individual human being worthy of dignity and respect. Rather than the view of a poor person as an anonymous and undeserving vulnerable individual, we are asked to regard this person as a child of “Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Like us, this person, though imperfect, is deserving of what talmudic Rabbis call z’chut avot (the merit of the ancestors), the ancestral connection that guarantees God’s mercy.

Further – Rabbi Jacobs points out that perhaps we should consider the care of the poor as a means of building a stronger community as a whole. In the most utilitarian formulation of this idea, perhaps contributing to the education of the poor to help guarantee a better educated and therefore more productive society; that perhaps helping the poor to buy property increases the number of homeowners in a given place and therefore may raise the value of all housing stock; or that job training and small business loans for those who are less fortunate might increase the economic viability of an entire community.  By the way – some of these ideas have been funded by the Hebrew Free Loan Association.

Look I’m not saying we need to sacrifice everything for those in ‘dire straights’.  There are examples of people who have found themselves in less fortunate circumstances and have had or found the resources to come out better than they were – like people with Dyslexia such as Danny Glover, Nolan Ryan, Alyssa Milano, Pete Rose. Or those who have dropped out of school to take care of family before getting on solid ground like Benjamin Franklin (dropped out of school at age 10) or Jim Carey who dropped out of school at age 15 and lived in a car with his dad – an unemployed musician.

Back to our D’var and the idea of charging no interest to the poor. This also speaks to the larger idea of what one might refer to as the ‘Community of Humanity’ that we all are a part of – so ‘taking care of people in need’ is something everyone can do.  Examples of how we can make a difference to those in need might be like donating to the Dallas Hebrew Free Loan Association, or giving our time to Meals on Wheels through the Jewish Family Service when Melissa Steiner asks if anyone is available to fill in or if we get a call from the Jewish Federation to contribute our time or money or both for causes that are within or outside of our Jewish Community.

The Torah explains that helping others is a requirement – a necessary Mitzvot .  Let us all remember Exodus 23:9 (often annually on Passover if not daily) G-d stated:  “Do not oppress a stranger; you yourselves know how it feels to be a stranger

Narrator:  The Ishmaelites galloped off with a slave in tow, off to Egypt where Joseph was not keen to go; it wouldn’t be a picnic he could tell.

Joseph: And I don’t speak Egyptian very well….   
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Psychologist Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize winner and one of the founders of behavioral economics, gave a TED talk on why our experiences and our memories can be so different. Dr. Kahneman’s research reveals that experiences we remember are defined by change. Our stories are made up of experiences that are new, novel and those that have greater significance. In addition, we all possess a Remembering Self that likes endings—how episodes and other individual experiences conclude. So let’s use a very simplified example about say eating dinner to emphasize the importance of the ‘Experience Self’ and ‘Remembering Self’ (Hey – even Virginia Woolf said “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”)

If one were to experience every moment of an exquisite three course Kosher meal all the way through desert at a luxury restaurant AND an unfortunate incident occurs like spilled hot coffee on a new dress or suit – the Experience Self – (that memory) may dominate the story of an otherwise enjoyable dining experience.

Likewise with this weeks torah portion  – maybe OR maybe NOT!  This weeks parasha is about sibling rivalry, reconciliation for past transgressions, forgiveness and it is also about how Jacobs sons past actions caused them great tzuris, guilt and general worry.

The brothers (Jacobs sons) were more tormented about what they had done to Joseph than Joseph was.

WHY —because Joseph’s brothers ‘Remembering Selves’ did not forget about selling their brother into slavery (there is that memory thing again) and they were extremely concerned that Joseph might seek or take revenge on them (followed by the Experience Self thing).  

I mean why not? Would you be a little upset or disturbed if your siblings sold you into slavery?  Sounds like a great narrative for a broadway production . Throughout the book of Genesis there are examples of sibling rivalry – Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau and of course Joseph and his brothers.

However as we know from reading this parasha that things turn out quite differently for Joseph, his brothers and dad Jacob.

As Parasha Vayechi begins with – Jacob is on his death bed.  He calls his sons to join him even though Joseph is “Out of Pocket” as Jacob shares his prophecy of what will happen to each of them.  

And now this from Joseph and the Amazing Technical Dreamcoat:

“Simeon: It’s funny, but since we lost Joseph, we’ve gone to the other extreme.

Jacob: No-one comes to dinner now!

Simeon: ….We’d only eat them, anyhow, I even find I’m missing Joseph’s Dreams.”

So would you be fearful of your sibling taking revenge on you if you had sold them off into slavery?

And more importantly – how fearful would you be of that sibling  if he had since become 2nd in line to A king? 

Yet – Joseph does none of this. Joseph was not demanding, he did not exhibit anger toward his brothers – in fact from reading the parasha Joseph sounds like he was caring and concerned for the welfare of those around him and his estranged family.

So the mighty Joseph has no intent of harming any of the brothers and in fact may be even it was ‘B’SHERIT’ because he, Joseph, as noted in the Parasha has been busy ‘SAVING LIVES’.  

Can you imagine a GREATER life’s purpose?

The rest as it has been said is – HISTORY -you know Joseph’s uncanny ability for interpreting dreams and sharing those interpretations with the King like the one about emaciated cows, potential famine on the horizon and stock piling grain. 

What is our take-away from all of this?

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks asks:
Can brothers live peaceably with one another?

This question is fundamental to the biblical drama of redemption, for if brothers cannot live together, how can nations?

And if nations cannot live together, how can the human world survive?

Look-maybe we should all start living our lives like Joseph- not necessarily like slaves but instead with a purpose.

For me the Parasha reminds me of the starfish and the kid throwing it back into the ocean.  Seth Godin wrote that If you’re a starfish…build your own universe, your own ‘thing’ (that will bring you joy/happiness). Find a tribe, lead it, connect with it, become….. the one and only, the one that we’d miss if you were gone. So remember as Tim Rice wrote in Joseph and the Amazing Technical Dreamcoat: “No matter how many trials you face or how bad the future looks stay true to yourself and it will be okay”

Today’s parasha focuses on Moses review of laws from previous books in the Torah as well as the Judicial leadership that will be required before entering Israel.  Within the parsha is this statement:

“תָּמִ֣ים תִּֽהְיֶ֔ה עִ֖ם יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶֽיךָ:  – “Be wholehearted with the Lord, your God.”

Look – we are known as the ‘Chosen People’ – not the ‘Perfect People’.  As in years gone by and always as a daily reminder it’s important to acknowledge our imperfections.

Steve Martin famously said about imperfection: “Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.”

Truly perfect, Seth Godin says,  is becoming friendly with your imperfections on the way to doing something remarkable.
In his 2016 Shoftim D’var Rabbi David Wolpe states that the  way we treat other people and the way we think about  God are different. God knows what’s going on inside us. What one decides about treating other people and what one decides about loving God are different.  Rabbi argues that one can keep secrets from others though one cannot keep secrets from God.

In other words there is a dichotomy between a relationship with ourselves and others and how we relate to or believe in God.

It is said that we may be able to fool others with pretentious behaviors and speech which lacks sincerity, humility and authenticity though our speech and behavior are no secret to God. With the high holidays just around the corner it is more important than ever to understand the meaning of a wholehearted relationship with God and ourselves.

Rabbi Wolpe believes that wholehearted is represented by and gives us a sense of completeness.  When one is Wholehearted there is also sincerity and humility particularly in the way we treat others and the mitzvot we demonstrate everyday such as a simple thank you.

Wolpe also believes that Judaism cares less about how you feel and more about your actions. People have to be treated with respect.  How we act and feel reflects  upon ourselves and others. Often, actions of the heart are easier to follow and accept in ourselves and others.

In order to achieve a wholehearted relationship with God one needs to know who they are and how they act towards others.

This is the time of year when we must be honest with ourselves and about ourselves regarding transgressions from the past year. It is also a time of the year for sincere and wholehearted reflection to figure out how we can improve beyond the high holidays.

Wholeheartedness begins within ourselves once we recognize that we want change and what we want to change about ourselves. Wholeheartedness can be our purpose, cause or beliefs.

According to her research, Brene Brown provides 10 ideas for living a wholehearted life which also allows for self-love -a key ingredient in personal growth and authenticity.  These ideas can be applied anytime before, during or after the high holidays to help us better understand ourselves and get closer to God:

1. Develop authenticity by letting go of what people think
2. To achieve self-compassion eliminate perfectionism
3. Create a resilient spirit by stopping numbing (the things that are painful to us which we avoid by excessive eating, binge TV watching, shopping, spending or substance use)
4. Live a life of gratitude by giving up the idea of scarcity or fear of darkness
5. By applying intuition and personal faith one can give up uncertainty
6. Get creative by giving up comparison (it’s never fair to compare)
7. Play and rest often-exhaustion and productivity are not symbols of self-worth
8. Figure out what the value of calm and stillness are in relation to your life by getting rid of anxiety as a lifestyle.
9. Meaningful work is different than work that contains self-doubt and is full of ‘supposed to’s’
10. Bring laughter, song and dance into your life by letting go of being cool and always being in control

If there is no self-love—no recognition of the beautiful and holy spark or Shekinah within—it is difficult to truly love one’s self or give to another or connect with God.

This holiday season and beyond – let’s live our lives by first taking care of ourselves, our health and our spiritual well being so we can care for those closest to us who may not have the capacity to do so. Let us do this so we can develop a meaningful and wholehearted relationship with God.

In this weeks parasha Shelach (which means to send, send to you, send for yourself)  God commands Moses to send 12 men (SPIES) – to check out the promised land before the Israelites enter the land.

As explained in the parasha the results of this expedition were less than remarkable for at least for 10 of the ‘SPIES’ – in fact one might say it was not only a lack of belief and inspired leadership but also perhaps for our purposes here today – a lack of faith

The Torah explains that a plague kills 10 of the spies with the exception of Caleb and Joshua two of the twelve spies that had faith and perhaps a vision of what God had laid out before the Israelites. Ultimately as we are told in the Parasha – God selects Caleb to replace Moses to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land along with Joshua.

Because of the 10 spies transgressions when they described their fear and supposed risks they described which were associated with entering the promised land God commanded an entire generation of Israelites to wander for 40 years and all men who were 20 years and older would diein the desert  until the new Generation of men younger than 20 years of age were ready to enter the promised land.

There are many interpretations of why the spy activity was a failed project, the consequences of what failure meant to the spies and Israelites and what and why Moses said that God commanded the spies to do.  It was as if God was resetting or renewing expectations for the Israelites by assuring theirs would be a land flowing with milk and honey.  However this idea of a land flowing  may have been hard to conceive for the Israelites after so many centuries of mental and physical oppressive slavery.

It’s hard to imagine that 10 spies did not understand the ‘long game’ with purpose, cause or belief on their mission to evaluate the promised land.

For me this parasha has much to do with internal belief leading to confident, deliberate and strategic decision making related to the risk/reward of entering the Promised Land.

And where was Dwight Eisenhower to offer his insight? Eisenhower famously said,  “In preparing for battle, I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable”  The Israelites never got to the planning stages. Sometimes simply asking a question amongst a group of people with the same purpose, cause or beliefs is all that one needs to start a positive movement.

Like – How can we make this land of milk and honey OUR society?

A society that is a safe and healthy, where our people will be treated not as slaves but instead with humanity, dignity and respect.  A society without petulant, autocratic and demigod rulers and instead with laws that are fairly administered to all.

Rather than having an inspired vision from God for creating a just and verdant society, one with social, economic, education and welfare based systems, 10 of the spies had a fearful vision of the risks associated with taking over the Canaanite land. Some of the spies stated that the Israelites were like grasshoppers next to the large overwhelming Canaanite community.

It’s sort of paradoxical to think that 10 of the spies were fearful of the Canaanite Nation  when the ‘WORD ON THE STREET’ was out that all nations should fear the Israelites – God’s people who were able to flee and out run the powerful nation of Egypt.

In the big picture the entire spy situation appears to be a test or validation of the Israelites fidelity to God. For IF the Israelites had truly believed that God could help them they would have trusted Gods request to check out the promised land in the first place.  Right?  You know the God who cast plagues upon Egypt and helped Moses negotiate the exit plan and ultimate emancipation from Egypt.

For me this parasha is about a lack of thoughtful and abject POSITIVE AND INSPIRED leadership. Also it’s about the negative beliefs of the 10 spies who ultimately influence the Israelites into believing that the risks of entering the promised land out-weighed the benefits.

Would the risks of entering the Promised Land been ameliorated had the spies beliefs, causes or purpose been bigger than the commandment that  they the spies were to ‘scout-out’ the land?

For example – perhaps God or Moses being the visionary he was could have framed an INSPIRED vision that this Promised Land is actually safe and would bring laughter, hope, health, happiness AND that this Israelite society was one they could create and develop by and for the Israelite Community, the Chosen People so the Community could continue to learn Torah, pray to one God, create an economy, raise families, livestock and crops,  build homes live in peace and expand the surviving generation of people who had been through so many life changing experiences in such a short  period of time.

OH Yes and by the way there is this community of Canaanites and we can figure out a strategy to extricate them since their beliefs are antithetical to ours. With a little inspired leadership would that or could that vision have changed perspectives, attitudes, fear and uncertainty for the Israelites?

Caleb from the tribe of Judah  and Joshua from the tribe of Ephraim were the optimists who believed a story like or similar to this.

They had vision, belief, cause and purpose perhaps because they held personal beliefs and hope for future generations of Israelites and they remembered clearly what God had done for the Israelites by bringing the Chosen People out of oppression.

Perhaps Caleb and Joshua also believed that because the Israelite people successfully made it out of oppressive Egyptian captivity with the help of God and the leadership of Moses the Israelites could successfully move into the land they had been promised by God. Sure it would be risky though Caleb and Joshua must have found the faith, confidence and belief within themselves to know that it was possible.

The strength in their minds and hearts for God, for a better life that did not initially include wandering the desert. Caleb and Joshua  saw a glass that was not only half-full but perhaps they thought it was important to have a larger glass for a vast society inspired and envisioned by God for the Israelites. For Caleb and Joshua moving into the Promised Land was the best option for the Israelites.

Here are four take away’s for me from today’s Parasha when it comes to making important decisions:

1) be vulnerable enough to share what is known and what is not known and ask WHY- for example – Why are we going into the promised land? Why is this important and why should anyone care?

2) ask questions of ourselves and others like: How can we better care for ourselves and others in our community so we know where we are going and what our purpose, cause and beliefs are about?

3) listen closely and humbly to questions others ask and listen carefully for answers that make sense to our hearts and minds and are consistent with our personal values and beliefs

4) share knowledge to discover new questions/answers that will inspire us to move forward

A favorite TED Talk of mine is Simon Sinek’s How Great Leader’s Inspire Action. Sinek states that ‘Leaders hold positions of  power or authority. HOWEVER we all have a choice to seek out inspired leaders or organizations that cause us to follow not because we have to but because we want to.  We follow inspired leaders not for them – but for ourselves.