The Talmud tells us that the seal of God is stamped with truth. One of the Ten Commandments is to not bear false witness, and there are prohibitions against being dishonest in business and generally misleading others. We tend to think that lying is bad and we advocate for honesty. Yet, if we are to examine the stories of our forefathers, particularly that of Jacob, lying seems to be a big part of the narrative.

In what is one of the most dramatic stories in the Torah, we will read about Jacob’s epic deception. As you know, he deceived his father, Isaac, disguising himself as his older brother Esau, and then stealing the blessing from Esau, despite the fact that Jacob was a spiritual giant and the paradigm of truthfulness. Indeed, the attribute of truth is most associated with Jacob, as stated, ” Give truth to Jacob.” Jacob is described in the Torah as an ish tam, a phrase which carries dual meanings of “lacking guile” and “uncompromising honesty.” 

At first glance, neither description seems appropriate. How can Jacob be described in this way when throughout his life, whenever he came in contact with crooked individuals, he consistently found a clever, non-straightforward way to defend himself from being swindled? As a result, he does not always come across as truthful, for at times he had to employ shrewdness to protect himself. The Torah bestows to those who study it unremittingly the insight to safeguard themselves from corrupt individuals who may try to take advantage of them. Their ability to defend themselves in this way does not contradict the Torah’s fundamental and uncompromising dedication to the absolute truth.

It seems that the pressing need for Jacob to receive the birthright and Isaac’s blessings overrode the general prohibition against deception. The question remains as to why did God arrange events so that Jacob would need to acquire these things through deceit, which would seem to this lessen the value of these blessings? As it turns out, there are instances where deception is permissible under extenuating circumstances.

With regard to the form of falsehood that is prohibited by the Torah, there is one specific circumstance in which one may be permitted to lie; when another person is trying to trick or lie to you then you may be allowed to deceive him. This leniency is derived from today’s parashah. The commentaries ask how it was permissible for Jacob to blatantly mislead Isaac in this way. They explain that Esau, himself, had spent his whole life deceiving Isaac, and that it was permissible to resort to falsehood in order to undermine the deceit that had been perpetrated. Lying to overcome a liar is not considered a transgression of the Torah’s command against falsehood.

But dishonesty and deception are serious crimes in Jewish law. The Torah explicitly demands that one should” distance himself from the false matter.” There are, however, situations in which Jewish law permits or even demands that one engage in deception.

A lie told for the purpose of keeping the peace is not included in the prohibition against falsehood. Since the ultimate goal of the lie is a positive one, it is permitted.

Other examples of permitted white lies include:

1. In order to practice humility; in order not to appear arrogant.

2. In order to maintain modesty.

3. In order to protect someone else from harm or inconvenience. 

4. In order to protect someone from embarrassment. An example of this is that one may say a bride is beautiful and gracious even if she isn’t particularly beautiful or gracious. 

5. In order to recoup losses that are owed from fraudulent business deals. Jacob employed this method to acquire his lawfully earned gains from his father-in-law, Laban, who kept changing the circumstances under which Jacob would be paid.

6. In order to protect one’s property from thieves.

Nonetheless, as a general rule, lying is wrong. Although, there are certain times when other values override the virtue of honesty, this kind of approach opens Pandora’s box. A subjective judgment about when it is acceptable and even appropriate to lie can be used improperly as an excuse to justify unethical behavior.

People lie all the time for a variety of reasons. Often people lie to avoid punishment, to gain advantage, or to protect someone’s feelings. But for others, lying seems to be a habitual part of conversation. Just how bad is the human penchant for lying? According to a 2002 study conducted at the University of Massachusetts, 60% of adults will lie at least once in the course of a 10-minute conversation. Even that number, which seems high, makes the situation sound better than it really is; among the 60% of people in the study who did lie, most told an average of 3 lies during their brief chat.

Now, I know you are sitting there right now thinking that you would be part of the 40% that didn’t lie. That’s what the liars in the study thought, too. When they watched their taped conversations, they were shocked at how many lies they had told. Another study, at the University of Virginia, found that people lie more often over the phone than face to face. Yet another study found that people lie more to strangers than to friends or family. Studies also show that while men and women lie equally, they tend to lie about different things. Men are more likely to lie about their achievements, while women are more likely to lie in order to protect someone’s feelings. Children start lying at the age of two and by age 4, 90% can lie convincingly. We lie to everyone. Parents bear the brunt of this tendency, according to the “Day America Told the Truth.” Eighty-six percent of us lie to our parents regularly. Seventy-five percent of us lie to our friends; 73% of us lie to our siblings, and 69% of us lie to our spouses.

In general, we lie about things that aren’t important, trivial things that we think will make us look better or seem more likeable. But sometimes we lie about things that matter. According to one estimate, 40% of people lie on their resumes. According to a study by Scientific American, a whopping 90% of people looking for a date on-line lied in their profile. While 10% of the lies we tell are a type of exaggerations, 60% of our lies are deceptive. And 70% of all liars claim to be willing to do it again..

From Parashat Toldot as well as other parshiot in the Torah we learn an important lesson: even our ancestors, chosen by God to create a world of justice and truth, had flaws and were deceitful. Torah does not seek to make them seem perfect, but exposes their sins so we may learn what constitutes poor character, as well as what is proper character.

On a very practical level, it is clear that when a person accustoms himself to speaking truthfully, people come to trust him, as the verse says: “a true tongue will be established forever.” On the other hand, one who is a habitual liar will not be trusted, as the verse continues: “but a lying tongue, just for a moment.” That is, his believability is short lived.

In conclusion, lying is a complex phenomenon that is influenced by many factors, such as personality traits, intelligence, and moral values. While some people lie more than others, lying is a universal human behavior that is unlikely to disappear anytime soon.

This discussion demonstrates that Jewish law does not take an absolutist approach to deception and, indeed, will obligate the individual to lie in various circumstances, for instance, lying to save a life or to bring peace or instances to achieve a greater good. This, by no means, makes light of the seriousness of lying. The Talmud is replete with statements that stress the importance of truth telling and remarks that “the Seal of God is Emet.”  Despite all this, the Talmud recognizes that there are situations where one might be untruthful.

Shabbat Shalom.

In today’s Torah reading I will focus on the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the cities known for their wickedness and immorality. The people there engaged in sinful acts for which G-d destroyed their cities.

G-d sent two angels to investigate the situation and determine if there were any righteous individuals within the cities. The angels arrived at the house of Lot, who was Abraham’s nephew and a righteous man.

Lot welcomed the angels into his home and offered them hospitality. However, the wicked residents of Sodom soon surrounded Lot’s house, demanding that he hand over the visitors so they could engage in immoral acts with them. Lot, knowing the severity of their intentions, pleaded with the crowd not to commit such wickedness.

Realizing that there were no righteous individuals left in the cities, the angels informed Lot that G-d would destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. They instructed him to gather his family and flee the cities before the punishment was unleashed.  Lot and his family obeyed the angels’ command and escaped just in time.

As G-d had warned, fire and brimstone rained down upon the cities completely destroying them. This act of divine judgment serves as a reminder of the consequences of leading a life filled with sin and immorality. It serves as a powerful lesson for us regarding the importance of leading lives that are guided by moral values and obedience to G-d’s commandments.

The story of Sodom and Gomorrah also emphasizes the significance of righteousness and the impact it can have on others. Lot’s righteousness saved him and his family from destruction. It reminds us that even in times of great wickedness, we can strive to be righteous and make a positive difference in the world.

As Lot’s family was fleeing, Lot’s wife looked back to see what was happening to her city – something the angels had instructed Lot’s family not to do. As a result, she turns into a pillar of salt. From a modern standpoint this event can be seen as a lesson about the dangers of clinging to the past and being unwilling to let go of negative influences. Lot’s wife’s act of looking back may symbolize a reluctance to fully embrace the new path that G-d had set for them. This interpretation highlights the importance of trust and faith in following G-d’s guidance, even when faced with difficult circumstances or the need to leave behind familiar surroundings. It reminds us of the significance of letting go of harmful attachments and embracing the future that G-d has planned for us. I’m a big fan of not looking back and replaying painful experiences. Living in the moment withs hope for the future.

 Let’s continue to pray for peace in the Ukraine and in Israel. Peace out.

Lech L’cha is one of my favorite parashiot in the Torah. In it, Gd tells Abraham to seek a new life in a new land, where his people will ultimately grow in number. Leave your comfort zone, Avram! Leave all that is familiar. Be bold. Seek something better. And I, Gd, will be with you. At first, Abraham wasn’t even told where he would wind up. “There’s a challenge that awaits you, Avram, and if you can muster up the courage to answer the call, your life will be more meaningful and fulfilling.”

Lech L’cha – Go from this place. A message not only for Abraham, but for all of us. Leave your comfortable surroundings. Have I got a challenge for you!

OK, so I envision Abraham as living the good life in the land of Ur. Making a good living. Discussing the issues of the day with his cronies. Maybe even inheriting his father’s idol-making business. Who knows? And he is somehow motivated – Divinely motivated perhaps? – to get out of his comfort zone. To acknowledge that he is not all that he can become. We read that Abraham’s life (and, incidentally, the life of anyone who answers the call), was not made easier by his answering the call. For Abraham, tough times ensued, as you will read in today’s portion.

For me personally, I always have looked upon the phrase as a calling to be bold. Get out of your comfort zone. Get moving. Time’s a-wasting. Look at the biographies of famous or of simply successful people, and you often find a singular moment in which they heard the command, lech l’cha. And to make it a bit less cosmic: maybe you heard the expression, “Fortune favors the bold.”  My view is that our lives take on more meaning when we in fact take this as a command. As a challenge, as a call to action, rather than as a promise of success.

In a similar vein, we read in Etz Chaim that Gd told Abraham Gd would make him a blessing. I favor a different translation – one that was actually used in the older Hertz Bible, where it says, “Be thou a blessing.” I believe that Gd was challenging Abraham, and now us, to become a blessing to others by leaving our comfort zones and to look for ways to fulfill Judaism’s vision of the world.

Yasher Koach Bill Sutker, and Stephanie and Mark Kessler who became docents at the Dallas Holocaust and Human Rights Museum. Bill tells me that this has been a special interest of his since a “March of the Living” trip he took with Helen in 2018. Stephanie and Mark told me that, “We love communicating to students and other visitors the message that we should do all do that we can to combat prejudice, hatred, and indifference. We can think of no better way to spend our time.” As I’m sure you all realize, becoming docents as Bill, Stephanie and Mark have done is not simply a “fill out the application” process. It takes many hours of study and in-person training. They heard the call, “Lech L’cha.”

In the parashah, we read that Gd tells Abraham Gd will make Abraham’s descendants “as numerous as the stars in the heavens.” I feel that our lives are much more enriched when we take this as a challenge. It’s largely up to us to fulfill Gd’s promise, to make Abraham’s descendants – us – carry on our unique and treasured traditions.
Well . . . here we all are. Descendants of Abraham. Not quite as numerous as the stars in the heavens, but time isn’t finished yet.

When we combine the two simple phrases – Go forth. Be a blessing to others. Now we’re getting to a yet different place. Being both bold and a blessing to others can be considered the Jewish perfecta!!

Yasher Koach to Jill Bach. Having recovered from ovarian cancer, Jill took these exhortations to a new level. For 11 years, she has been a leader and an organizer for the “Be the Difference” benefit to help raise funds for ovarian cancer research and patient support. This has been a lot of work, but as Jill said, “When you have a passion for something you don’t mind the work as much.” You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Jill and hundreds of other supporters shvitzing during the actual event!

As I spoke about on in a prior D’var Torah, and as with other lessons from the Torah, the key question in our parashah today isn’t, “Was Abraham a real person?” but rather, is his story real? Am I living it today? When Gd said to Abraham, “Lech l’cha – go from this place,” That’s our story, isn’t it? We don’t know what’s in store for us; we don’t even know what will happen tomorrow, but that story – our story – our narrative depends largely on us—upon what we do and how we act.

Yasher Koach to Becca and Guy Bradley, who have given more hours than they have available to their sons and to others in the Boy Scouts. You can well imagine what a cost in time and energy it is to prepare meetings, supervise boys at campouts and of course, being a role model. Guy was involved with scouting even as a kid and knew how special it would be for his sons. Becca found a need and in the best Jewish tradition simply said, “Hineni” – here I am. And here she still is, finding satisfaction and serving a community.

In opposition to the materialism that drives so many today, the devotion and energy that these kehillah members have put into these volunteer activities mean that they will be known best not by what they acquired, but by what they gave.

Lech L’cha for the Jew means hearing and responding to the still, small voice of eternity. We are summoned to contribute to the world. That still, small voice is pulling us, pushing us, to continue the journey begun by Abraham.

Fulfilling the commandment to “lech l’cha” takes conviction and a sense of mission. It takes much courage to leave one’s comfort zone and work to improve the lives of others. Being a blessing to others and to the world writ large is what we Jews do and what these kehillah members are doing.

Rejection is something we all deal with at some time in our lives. An early example of rejection can be found in today’s parasha in the story of Cain and Abel. The two brothers gave their offerings to God. Cain, a farmer, brought produce he had grown and Abel, a shepherd, brought an offering from his flock. God looked with favor on Abel’s offering, but God did not look with favor on Cain’s offering. In other words, God rejected Cain’s offering of fruits and vegetables. Cain did not deal well with this rejection. He lured his brother Abel out into the field and killed him. Then Cain lied to God about the murder and God exiled Cain to be a wanderer.

Besides being tragic, this story teaches us some helpful things about rejection. Rejection brings up very strong emotions. “So, Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.” Anger and disappointment, as well as some envy, fueled Cane’s terrible actions later in the story when he killed his brother.

Cain was convinced of his superiority to Abel in all matters, material and spiritual; God’s rejection of his offering was totally unexpected. He was furious due to the perceived injustice of this rejection, but also depressed due to the deflation of his self-esteem.

Rejection causes us to question our identity. When God rejected Cain’s offering, Cain was not only angry and disappointed, but he was also unsure of who he was anymore. When we encounter rejection, we question who we are. Rejection hits us in our existential core. When God rejected Cain’s offering, it threw him for a loop. We all like predictability and certainty. We like to know how things will turn out. When we are rejected, as Cain was, we are thrown into uncertainty and confusion. And because of the rejection, we start to question everything we know, even things we were sure of before.

Close examination of Cain’s moral deterioration reveals a paradoxical phenomenon. What initially prevented Cain from coming to grips with his rejection was an exaggerated sense of his self-worth. His rejection eventually causes him feelings of dejection and totally negates his self-esteem. This ultimately leaves him feeling powerless both in the effort to overcome his negative emotions and to resist the sin “crouching at his door” so that he can be uplifted. Slaying Abel was an irrational act of despair, the result of Cain’s perceived inability to regain self-worth. A lack of self-worth plants the seeds for immorality.

Regardless of how smart, hardworking, or talented we are, every one of us faces rejection at one time or another. Whether it’s rejection by a teacher, a family member, a significant other, a friend, or possible employer, rejection happens. And when it does, it can range from a mild inconvenience to emotional and financial devastation. Rejection can damage and ruin our lives – if we let it. What matters is how we deal with it.

Left unresolved, rejection can lead to tragedy. Because Cain did not work through his emotions, uncertainty, and identity crisis, he ended up killing his brother.

That’s an extreme example, but when we don’t work through our own emotions after rejection, it can lead to some level of tragedy in our own lives. We can be angry and lash out at loved ones or feel as though we don’t matter anymore. We can start making bad decisions that have long lasting consequences for ourselves and for others around us. If someone’s primary concern is to reassert a sense of control, he or she may become aggressive as a way to force others to pay attention. Sadly, that can create a downward spiral. When people act aggressively, they are even less likely to gain social acceptance.

Rejection feels lousy. The emotional aftermath is called rejection trauma for a reason. The agony we feel is genuine. Yet for many years, few psychologists understood or recognized the impact of rejection. As researchers have dug deeper into the roots of rejection, they have found surprising evidence that the pain of being rejected is not so different from the pain of physical injury. Scientists have shown that there is little difference, neurologically speaking, between physical pain of injury and the emotional ache of rejection.  Whether you are experiencing hurt caused by rejection or cutting your finger, the same area of your brain activates when you’re processing this information. This can actually be seen on an MRI. Social rejection can influence emotion, cognition, and even physical health.

Beyond the physical sensation, rejection also strikes at our need for acceptance and belonging. Over time, the need to be included became hardwired in the human brain. When rejection happens, conditions don’t match with our evolutionary need for connection and community, causing anxiety and self-doubt.

C. Nathan DeWall, a psychologist, says that humans have a fundamental need to belong. Just as we have needs for food and water, we also have needs for positive and lasting relationships. Social rejection increases anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness. It reduces performance on difficult intellectual tasks and can also contribute to aggression and poor impulse control. In 2003, Leary and colleagues analyzed 15 cases of school shooters, and found all but two suffered from social rejection.

Coming to terms with rejection is a process, much like grieving a loss. The five phases of rejection are essentially the same as grieving a loss. First, there is denial. You think there must be some mistake. Next, is anger. Once you realize the rejection isn’t a misunderstanding, you begin to feel angry. Next is bargaining.  You think there was a faulty assumption or lack of information. You think that if you could just talk to that person, you would win them over. Next, is depression. On top of feeling angry and disappointed, you are sad, embarrassed, confused, hurt or all of the above. Your self-confidence takes a hit. You may begin questioning your self-worth. Finally, there is acceptance. Hopefully you are able to learn and grow from the experience.

Humankind Is endowed with moral autonomy, with freedom of choice. We can subdue our anger and even our sense of unfairness or we can be controlled by them.

Rejection can sometimes be a clue that you behaved badly, and you should change your ways. But frequently, we take rejection more personally than we should.

The narrative in this week’s parashah has universal relevance. For all individuals, there is a first time in our lives when we are confronted with rejection, as in the case with Cain. This is part of the human condition.

So, how should we deal with rejection? First, recognize that rejection is part of life. Next, accept what happened. Then, process your emotions. Treat yourself with compassion. Stay physically and mentally healthy. Don’t allow rejection to define you. Finally, grow from the experience.

Learning how to deal with rejection in a healthy fashion is a valuable life skill you can use in all facets of your life-personal, professional, and romantic.

Here is a final suggestion: Try to make rejection your friend. It can be a catalyst to rethinking and clarifying your goals and opening up your mind to new options.

Life is endowed with blessings and curses; good and evil all mixed together. It is up to each of us to choose to do good or to do evil. So begins today’s parasha.

This seems like a logical and timely message following on the heels of the High Holidays during which we prayed for forgiveness for our sins of the prior year. Thus, the timing of the season correlates with Hashem’s message to B’nai Yisroel on the eve of entering the Promised Land.  The Promised Land is not only a physical place, but it is a spiritual state of being required for the Israelites to fulfill their destiny to be a holy people, living within a covenant with Hashem. The covenant and its laws provide a framework for the Israelites to do good and to elevate life’s journey to a level beyond simple existence. In this parshah the objective of choosing good over evil is stressed through our obligation to give tzedakah.

But is the choice of good over evil, blessing over curse, a communal or a personal obligation? I would argue that it is both and that each supports the other.

What do I mean when I say this?

When we come together as a community on Shabbat, holidays, simchas or at a house of shiva, there are expectations of us, but there are also unexpected rewards. Whether we pray together, or are simply present to give one another emotional support, there is a special presence we can sense—an elevated state of being that we feel at a visceral level. Together, we uplift one another. The connection that develops at such times sustains both the individual and the community. At such times we sense a connection with each other and with our Creator. These moments of connection are moments of blessing; they give spiritual fuel to us as individuals, leaving no room for the evil that curses our existence.

But these community activities could not occur, nor could they have such power, if each member of the community did not bring his or her own spiritual fuel to those events. It is a wonderful and beautiful recycling and recombination of spiritual energy that we create as partners with Hashem. The individual brings his or her energy to the community. The community activity combines and enhances that spiritual energy exponentially and then gives it back to the individual members. Our lives are best lived when we use the laws of the covenant to provide a beautiful spiritual matrix that can crowd out—though never eliminate completely—the evil in our world. Even curses can have a silver lining. It is up to us to use our spiritual strength to look for the silver lining in our curses and, with the help of our communities, turn those curses into blessings.

As we start our New Year of observance, I wish for all of us and our families a happy, healthy, and sweet new year of blessings that crowd out the curses. 

Shabbat Shalom!

I want to thank all of you for the honor of presenting the d’var Torah on this special day.

As many of you know, Nancy and I recently went on a long trip to the Arctic. In fact, the company that we went with, National Geographic, only makes one such voyage each year, and the captain of the ship told us that we were only the 352nd known ship to have crossed the entire Northwest Passage, the route that crosses the Canadian archipelago, connecting the North Atlantic Ocean with the North Pacific Ocean. We began our trip along the west coast of Greenland, and ended it by going through the Bering Sea, finally landing in Nome, Alaska. There were 3 recurring topics during this incredibly interesting trip. I will discuss each, and then tie them together in a message for us as we head into our new year.

The first topic was the wildlife and our natural surroundings. You will not be surprised to learn that during the voyage, I routinely awoke around 5:00 to 5:30 a.m. I would head to the ship’s lounge where I had a glass of juice and enjoyed the quiet for a short time. I then went to the bridge of the ship, and chatted for a few moments with the night navigator, Finn, who was quite happy to have some company by that point in his shift.

My next stop was the gym, where I would work out, generally from 6:00 to 7:00. I then returned to our cabin, took a shower, and awakened Nancy in time for breakfast. One morning at 6:25, the expedition director quietly announced on the loudspeaker that, for those who were awake, there were a couple of polar bears in the distance. He invited anyone who wished, to join him on the bridge for some viewing. My workout could wait. Off I went!

There weren’t many of us on the ship’s bridge at that hour, and the bears were indeed rather far away. But as was its mandate, the ship turned off its main engines when we got within several hundred yards of the bears, so as not to frighten them. At one point, I went onto the deck outside the bridge. It was cold! Sea ice, in all directions, as far as the eye could see. And indeed, there in the distance were the polar bears.

Outside, I experienced total and complete silence. No trees rustling in the breeze. No birds with their morning calls. Nothing. “Look where you are, and appreciate this,” said the “still, small voice” inside me. Seeing the vast beauty, for which I have given thanks during morning minyan for the last month, Elul, in Psalm 27, and seeing the patience and persistence of those polar bears, as they looked for a seal that would serve as breakfast, made me think, “There must be a d’var in here somewhere.”

Well, I could have watched the bears and experienced the solitude for a long time, but my very cold fingers and I went inside around 7:30 to get Nancy up and to get ready for breakfast.

As the tour went along, we had the opportunity to meet the indigenous people – the Inuit – in several different tiny communities. The Inuits were the second recurring topic during the trip. Inuits used to be called Eskimos. We can chat later about the reasons for the change in name. I became quite enchanted with them as a people, in their lifestyles, and in their customs.

In addition to meeting some local people, we had a “cultural ambassador” on the ship for several days. He was a young, Inuit man, Akpak, with whom I had a number of conversations. I was intrigued by some of the core beliefs of Akpak’s people, namely: respecting and caring for others, fostering good spirits by being welcoming and inclusive, serving and providing for one’s family and community, working together, and sharing one’s bounty with the community after a successful hunt. All of this was necessary if one was to survive in this unforgiving landscape.                               

There are several ethnic groups and belief systems within the Inuit, just as there are within the Jewish community. But the most salient and similar characteristic, I found, was the sanctity with which they regarded human life, and the respect with which they thus treated their neighbors, and especially their elders. They behaved this way simply because they felt it was the right thing to do.

The survival of the Inuit people has only been possible because of their cooperation with each other and appreciation of their surroundings, values we found are written throughout the Torah. I thought back to those early morning polar bears I saw upon learning that the Inuit have no word for “wilderness.” They see the world in all its forms as the wondrous beauty of creation without demarking some parts as “civilization” and others as “wild.” So much in common with Judaism! Surely, I kept thinking, “There must be a d’var somewhere in here.”

The explorers whose bravery and persistence led to the successful navigation of what came to be known as the Northwest Passage was the third recurring topic of the trip. Great patience, courage. and determination were required in the quest to find a channel that could be used as a trade route from the Atlantic to the Pacific. After a fruitless century of attempts by various explorers, Roald Amundsen, a Norwegian, finally completed a three-year journey with his group in 1906. Talk about patience and persistence!

The explorers of the 19th and early 20th centuries had to overwinter once the early autumn seas turned to ice, rendering them non navigable. In fact, we visited Gjoa Haven, population 1,324, at the very place where Amundsen and his crew spent two years (two years!) while waiting for the sea ice to melt sufficiently for them to continue their quest. And if that wasn’t long enough, we then visited Cambridge Bay, population 1,760, a location further along Amundsen’s route, where he and his crew spent yet a third winter. Such persistence and determination!    

The successful navigation through the Northwest Passage by Amundsen required enormous courage, a trait which our ancestor Abraham also possessed as we will see in this week’s Parashah Lech Lecha – “Go from this place.” Amundsen did not give up on his convictions or on his goal, despite what must have seemed like incalculable odds against him. Surely, I kept thinking, “There must be a d’var in here somewhere!”             

Who do we think of as having survived harsh climates and incredibly harsh surroundings against incredible odds in order to achieve continuity for their people? Who else do we think of as having reached their goals, despite obstacles perhaps unmatched in history? Isn’t that, when you think about it, the story of our own people?

There are numerous places in the Bible, where we read of our ancestors learning patience, showing determination, and persisting against overwhelming odds. Again and again, the Torah enjoins us to appreciate the beauty of the natural world, to cooperate with one another and to show respect for others. And of course, since the time of the Torah, we have also carried with us the unique and burdensome history of persecution and murder that our people have gone through over the centuries.

The stories I heard during our trip, of the Inuits and the explorers, are stories depicting values that we as Jews share. In some cases those values are, in fact, ones that our ancestors introduced to the Western world. Like the Inuit, we Jews share a deep-seated conscience to do the right thing in our dealings with others. Indeed, Jews have added another layer here – that of teshuvah – repentance. And of all that, we can surely be proud.

Deep in our Jewish values are the same values shown in the three main subjects in my trip through the Northwest Passage. Learning about and observing the polar bears in their vast sea of ice, reading about the explorers, and meeting and learning about the Inuits all drove home the point to me that Jews have been inculcated with all the teachings and traits I’ve mentioned and have miraculously persevered as a people. We have been and continue to be capable of great things, if only we use our imagination, muster our courage, and set our minds to reaching our goals.

Rosh Hashanah is a time for self-reflection and new beginnings. Let us resolve to perform teshuvah, cleansing our souls of ill thoughts and purging ourselves of the inclination to engage in harmful speech and behavior, and let us resolve to seek ways to challenge ourselves. To help others. To better ourselves and our community. And to make 5784 a year of great consequence for ourselves and for all who we touch.

To all our brothers and sisters in the kehillah, Nancy and I wish you a happy, healthy, and fulfilling New Year.                                                             

L’Shana Tovah!   Chag Sameach!

Many years ago, some interesting graffiti on a wall caught my attention:

“G-d is dead.” – John

Beneath that was scrawled:

“John is dead.” – G-d.

It’s getting harder and harder nowadays to find people who will openly admit to believing in G-d.  I suspect, however, that if I polled the room to determine who believes in G-d, most if not all of you would answer in the affirmative.

Yeah, but do you really believe in G-d?

My eldest son and I loved going to baseball card shops. Sometimes we would buy some cards. A local card shop would give lottery tickets in return for purchases. The number of tickets allotted would correspond to the amount spent. We usually would not attend the occasional Sunday lotteries. This particular lottery, however, was different. The grand prize winner would get a 1973 Topps Mike Schmidt rookie card. My son really wanted this card. So, he and I – the hopeful duo – attended the lottery. But so did many others. The little card shop was packed.

None of our tickets were drawn for the lesser prizes. Then the time had finally come to draw a ticket for the grand prize. My son looked at me and stated that he really hoped we would win. I asked him if he believed we would win. He assured that that he did believe. “Yeah, but do you really believe?” I asked. He told me that he REALLY believed. Sure enough, one of our tickets was drawn. As my son took possession of the coveted card, I reminded him that G-d can make anything happen if you believe He can.

Another memory of the past involved the Baptism of my friend John. I was invited to attend this special event. The Baptism took place at a nearby lake. I had never been to a Baptism. I watched John enter the lake specially garbed with the Pastor following closely behind. The Pastor asked John to bow his head. Suddenly, the Pastor shoved John’s head underwater. When my friend arose, the Pastor asked him if he believed. A noticeably shaken John stated that he did believe. Again, down into the murky water went John’s head.  “Do you believe?”, the Pastor emphatically reiterated. John assured him that he did believe. The moment of truth had finally arrived. Again, down with the head. “What do you believe?’, shouted the Pastor. “I believe you’re trying to drown me,” responded my water-logged friend.

Yes, friends. You can’t force belief. Belief must come freely from your heart and soul. So, when you are praying to G-d this year for the coming year take the time to tell Him that you do believe in Him. No, tell Him that you REALLY BELIEVE. And also thank Him for the good things that He has done for you and yours in the past. I’m sure He’ll really appreciate it.

Shana Tova

This parsha is like the Israelites getting married to G-d, with Moses creating and reading the pre-nuptial agreement aloud for everyone. The honeymoon will be their entry into the Promised Land. It’s the roadmap for the Israelites to achieve and live with joy, gratitude, and abundance by maintaining their fidelity to a covenant with G-d and Torah. Now miraculously, despite their many ups and downs, the Israelites have been enabled by Moses and directed by G-d to enter the Promised Land.

The Israelites are instructed that, upon entry into the land, they should express their gratitude to G-d for their bountiful harvests and freedom from slavery by tithing part of their crops for the Levite, and making another portion available to the stranger, the orphan and the widow.  Essentially, if the Israelites follow G-d’s mitzvot they will receive every imaginable blessing and if not—for example if, say, an idol is created—then a plethora of curses will follow them. 

Let’s look at the Biblical idea and act of gratitude, which is a recurring theme both in this week’s parsha and in those we’ve read during the last couple of weeks. The Biblical concept of gratitude requires that people acknowledge the goodness in their lives with the presumption that the source of that goodness exists, at least partially, outside of themselves. Being grateful helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals—say for example, other people, nature, or their Creator.

How many times in your life have you experienced a moment of gratitude for some miracle, moment, or experience? Some such moments might include the birth of a child, overcoming acute illness, living with a chronic illness, or achieving personal success in academics, in your career, or in your personal life. Hopefully, we have all been lucky enough to experience many such instances. Hopefully, we have realized how lucky we are in those moments and have felt a sense of gratitude for our good fortune.

Beyond that recognition, how often, in your gratitude, have you been aware of the fact that it was not only your own personal will and hard work that facilitated these moments but also the spiritual, emotional, and physical support from family, friends, and community? And how often did you express that gratitude—not just in words, but also through some sort of act that allowed you to share some portion of your success with the community that supported you?

How often do we remember, and express gratitude for what we view as purely personal achievements? How often do we remember to reflect and demonstrate the gratitude for the personal experiences that contributed toward our success and helped us get to where we are today? Sometimes even today we need a reminder to be grateful to G-d and grateful to others. Sometimes we forget to appreciate ourselves as well as those who helped us during our journeys. That is one reason our ancestors offered sacrifices, which were used to exemplify gratitude and appreciation to G-d back in the day. 

This week’s parasha, Ki Tavo, commands a farmer to tithe his first fruits to G-d and then to share his bounty with the community in order to express his gratitude. But our own moments of gratitude may not be for experiences that produce such tangible results, though the outcomes may have provided more for our lives and those of others. What would be the equivalent today, for those of us who are not farmers? How can we give back the product of our work to our Creator and to the people of our community?

Outside of our high holidays and festivals, our daily prayers during Shacharit, Mincha, Maariv, Ne’ila, and Musaf offer the opportunity to get closer to G-d, ask for blessings, forgiveness, share our gratitude, appreciation, and thankfulness. For some of the spiritual among us, in addition to asking for redemption, we may also consider asking for guidance, hope, clarity, compassion, and for a good day or week ahead. We may also consider making charitable contributions as a way of giving back to the community. As Rosh HaShana approaches, we may all might consider how, through our actions, we can “be inscribed” for a better year than the one we’ve just had—even if this past year has been good.

Giving thanks along with demonstrating gratitude and appreciation can make us healthier, happier and can improve our relationships. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. The act of gratitude grows with practice.

So, today, let me be the first to say how thankful and grateful I am to be able to prepare and have my divrei Torah shared (or share them when I am able…) with our Kehillah.  We are blessed to be a part of a community of caring and thoughtful individuals that make prayer on Shabbos and holidays a meaningful spiritual experience. If I have done anything to offend anyone this past year (other than my inability to be present or say speaking too much…) please forgive me. Shana Tova and may you all be inscribed for a year ahead with good health.  Thank y’all and good Shabbos!

In the early 1950s, the new State of Israel faced a difficult choice. Should it open diplomatic relations with Germany? If not, would Israel avoid international organizations that accepted Germany’s membership? What if Israel hosted international meetings? Would they exclude Germany? Writer Ernest Renan said, “Whoever wishes to make history is obligated to forget history. Policy is not a matter of emotion.”

On December 30, 1951, the government of Israel decided to enter into negotiations for restitution. The Israelis don’t make big decisions quietly. You can just imagine the rancor and emotions regarding negotiating with the German government. So many emotions! ”Remember what Amalek did to you!” versus the diplomatic and financial needs of the nascent state. David ben Gurion and the Mapai Party vs. Menachem Begin and Herut.

Begin quoted the Bible. David ben Gurion responded, “If the Amalek nation were still in existence and had universities, the Jews would be studying at them. ‘Blot out the remembrance of Amalek’ is a meaningless verse for us.” After a heated debate within the Central Committee, the issue was presented to the Knesset. Begin spoke with great emotion. “Any hands raised in favor of negotiations with Germany would be treasonous hands.” The Labor party responded, “Let not the murderers of our nation also be its heirs” (meaning of property and wealth).

Begin: “Twelve million Germans served in the Nazi army. Every German is a Nazi who has murdered our families. Adenauer (Konrad, Prime Minister) is a murderer. All his assistants are murderers.” Huge demonstrations ensued. For many Israelis, their country’s needs conflicted with their consciences. Attacks were heartfelt, emotional, and personal. In the end, Israel established relations with Germany and the resolution to negotiate with Germany for restitution passed the Knesset.

In today’s parashah, the Torah commands us not to despise an Egyptian, despite the fact that they enslaved us, because we were once sojourners in their land. On the other hand, the Torah also commands us to destroy and blot out, not only the tribe of Amalek, but also the very memory of their existence (a paradoxical commandment to say the least)! As you can imagine, much has been written about the difference between Egypt and Amalek, and the circumstances under which we should “forgive and forget” and those that demand we continue in our quest to destroy a long-ago enemy.

I don’t want to get into all the Biblical arguments and all the back-and-forth that various writers have gone through to justify their respective decisions. I do, however, want to broaden this out into the real world. Our real world. Today’s world. Our response to an act against us can range from a simple “forgive and forget,” to seeking revenge and never forgetting the perceived transgression, and all shades in-between. I would like to make a pitch for leaning toward the former – not necessarily forgetting, but at least letting go of anger and not carrying a grudge indefinitely.

Carrying a grudge can have profound negative effects on one’s mental and physical health. The act of harboring resentment and holding onto anger towards someone or something can be emotionally draining and detrimental to one’s overall well-being.

This harmful and fruitless remembering can lead to increased stress. When we hold onto negative feelings, our bodies respond by releasing stress hormones which, when elevated over extended periods, can have detrimental effects on our physical and mental health. Research has linked chronic stress to an array of health problems, including a weakened immune response, high blood pressure, and increased risk of mental health disorders like anxiety and depression.

Moreover, carrying a grudge can hinder the ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. The negative emotions associated with holding onto resentment can create walls of bitterness and hostility, making it difficult to trust and connect with others. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and contribute to an individual’s declining mental health. I used to tell my daughter Leah (probably when she was in elementary or middle school; once she was in high school, I couldn’t tell her much of anything! How many identify with that?)…Anyway, I used to tell her that when all you see are warts, everyone is ugly.

In addition to the psychological impact, vowing vengeance against the “Amalekites” in our lives can also manifest in physical symptoms. Prolonged anger and resentment have been associated with headaches, sleep disorders, digestive issues, and other negative physical reactions. In some cases, people experience fatigue and decreased energy levels; others find their mood darkens. Furthermore, the negative emotions associated with an ongoing grudge can impair our decision-making capacity and hinder our ability to get things done.

It is important to recognize the harmful effects of carrying a grudge and to find healthy ways to manage and release these negative emotions. Engaging in forgiveness, or at least in letting things go, whether it be through communication, self-reflection, or even seeking professional help, can be an effective means of promoting emotional healing. By releasing the burden of resentment, individuals can experience improved mental well-being, reduced stress levels, and enhanced overall health.

The drive we feel to “remember Amalek” takes a toll on both mental and physical health and hinder personal growth and relationships. It is important to prioritize forgiveness and find healthy coping mechanisms to release these negative emotions.

The memory of the Holocaust is never far from the collective consciousness of Israelis. My impression is that it impacts virtually all their important decisions, even when it adversely affects their decision-making. Even so, many Israelis now drive Mercedes Benz vehicles – made in Germany. They have not forgotten the Holocaust or forgiven it; but they have acknowledged that the current generation of Germans are not responsible for it. As with our time in Egypt, we were sojourners in Germany and flourished there for generations before Hitler came to power with his agenda of exterminating all Jews.

For us, living in 21^st century America, not every disagreement or transgression that we perceive is equivalent to that of Amalek or the Nazis. Let us remember that as well.

Shabbat Shalom.

In Parashat Shoftim, there is a section about the appointment and behavior of a king. It tells the Israelites that the king shall not be a foreigner, but one of their own people. This king must not have many horses, nor many wives, nor amass silver and gold for himself in excess, so that “his heart may not go astray.” The Torah says that the king is commanded to write for himself a second Torah scroll and carry it with him at all times. The idea behind this is that the king needs to maintain perspective. He should remember just where his power comes from and not make the mistake of thinking he is in control. He should read from it as long as he shall live, so that he will learn to fear God and not assume himself to be above his people or think he is permitted to turn aside from the commandments. In other words, he should remain humble. This conceptual shift regarding the nature of sovereignty is one of the genuine historical revolutions Judaism brought about. The notion that a king’s purpose was to serve God and to care for God’s people (rather than the other way around) was a radically new idea introduced by Judaism and later adopted by Christianity.

In the Jewish tradition, humility is considered among the greatest of the virtues; its opposites, pride and arrogance, are among the worst of the vices. Many great people are not very humble. But greatness and humility, in the Jewish tradition, are not incompatible. They complement one another. The greater the leader, the his/her humility is, because a humble person has no interest in his/her own honor, in power, or in self-aggrandizement. A great leader lives to serves those whom he or she leads.

Moses was the greatest leader the Jewish people ever had. Despite the fact that Moses was great in prophecy, Torah and wisdom, the trait that God found fit to mention in the Torah was his humility. Moses was very humble, more so than anyone on the face of the earth. That, the sages say, is the greatest and most genuine form of charisma. The question is: Was Moses great because he was humble, or was Moses humble because he was great?

J.P. Tangney, a professor of psychology at George Mason University, has identified six intrapersonal aspects of humility:

1. A willingness to see ourselves truthfully with an accurate understanding of our strengths and weaknesses.
2. An accurate perception of our place in the world
3. The ability to acknowledge our mistakes and limitations
4. The ability to keep an open mind
5. The ability to focus less on oneself
6. The ability to appreciate the value of all things.

We all tend to overestimate how much we know, how right we are, or how special we are. But what happens when we try to understand our own perspective and the opposing one? What might it be like if we were to acknowledge that perhaps we don’t know as much as we thought we did? Perhaps we might find ourselves changing our minds, being more flexible or open, and even more empathetic towards other people, their backgrounds, and their experiences.

Some think humility equates with low self-esteem. But this is not the case. To be humble does not mean to have a low opinion of yourself, but rather to have an accurate one—to put your accomplishments into perspective. You can also think of humility as knowing your strengths and talents yet understanding that you are only one of many people with those same strengths and talents.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks says humility means that you are secure enough not to need to be reassured by others. It means that you don’t feel you have to prove yourself by showing that you are cleverer, smarter, more gifted, or more successful than others. Indeed, you do not need to compare yourself to others at all. You have your task, they have theirs, and this leads you to cooperate rather than to compete. This type of attitude allows you not only to see yourself clearly, but to see other people clearly as well and to value them for who and what they are. When you are secure in yourself, you can value others. When you are confident in your own identity, you can value the people who are different from you. Humility is achieved by shifting one’s focus from inward to outwards. It is truly understanding that, “it’s not about you.”

This outward focus of a humble leader compels him/her to listen to those he/she leads in order to understand and appreciate them in all of their diversity. Doing so means that a leader not only has the confidence of those he/she leads, but is unafraid of entering into dialogue with those who disagree with his/her views or decisions. Since the humble leader’s primary focus is on serving his/her constituency with integrity, popularity is irrelevant to them.

On a personal level, this applies to us as well. If we approach our lives with humility, then living in accordance with what we believe to be right will be more important to us than what others think of us. The humble person is unmoved by social pressures and unconstrained by societal norms – especially if those norms are unethical or unjust.

Humility is not only an approach to life and leadership but is also a character strength. As such, it is an essential component of one’s moral character; it manifests through modesty and empathy; through acknowledging and respecting others on a very deep level; and by accurately understanding as well as owning one’s limitations.

As a character strength, humility can be viewed as the opposite of pride, arrogance, and an inflated sense of one’s importance and talents. It is based on a fundamentally caring and compassionate attitude toward others.

Humility is directly related to one’s ability and willingness to learn. Humble people are better learners and better problem solvers. Humble students who are generally open to feedback often develop greater skills which enable them to overtake their peers – who may be more naturally more talented but think so highly of their own abilities that they reject all advice.

I found several quotes about humility that I liked:

• “Humility isn’t denying your strengths; it’s being honest about your weaknesses.”
  • Rick Warren
• “Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.”
  • Ezra T. Benson
• “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less.”
  • C.S. Lewis

Jim Collins, the founder of a management laboratory in Boulder, CO, writes in his book, Good to Great, that the most outstanding leaders are also the humblest. According to Collins’ research, the best leaders combine professional resolve with personal humility. They are often self-effacing, quiet, reserved, even shy – always privileging the institutions they serve over their egos.

Great leaders inspire loyalty and a strong team spirit. And what applies to leaders also applies to each of us as marriage partners, parents, fellow workers, members of the community and friends.

We can look to a local sports hero as an example.  Dirk Nowitsky, the greatest Dallas Maverick, was inducted into the basketball hall of fame last weekend. An article in the paper entitled, “Kudos for the Big Man with the Bigger Heart,” said:

“Beyond his on-court greatness, Dirk brought humility, compassion, and excellence to off-the-court activities. He amassed an off-court legacy of quietly giving of himself out of the spotlight—something truly unique for an elite athlete.  Even now Dirk seems to be more comfortable fitting in than standing out, a rare quality for someone whose adult life has been on a public stage.”

In his acceptance speech, Dirk credited his parents for teaching him humility.

In summary, humility is living with the understanding that we are simply doing our part by making a unique contribution to the world using the tools and strengths that God has given us. Each one of us has unique capabilities, so let’s respect ourselves and each other while working to remain humble.