“Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results”.  General George S. Patton

In this week’s Parasha, Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro (Yitro), receives word about all the miracles occurring with a bunch of wandering Israelite slaves under the direction of his son-in-law.  Jethro travels from his home in Midian with his daughter (and Moses’ wife) Zipporah, and her sons Gershom and Eliezer to be with Moses at Mt. Sinai.  Jethro rejoices at G-ds miracles and completes sacrifices to G-d once they arrive.

Another area that the Parsha makes mention of is a long line or queue. This is a concern for Jethro because Moses does not see how this is impacting the people waiting to speak with him. Many of the Israelites stand in this particular line to get clarification and resolution on their disputes since illiteracy was epidemic, nothing was written down anyway and of course many of the laws were not published.

Not as many years ago, I recall standing in a long line(s) very early in the morning. This was not related to dispute resolution, but working for a ticket broker (ticket-scalper) to buy tickets to concerts at the LA Forum in Inglewood. Funny enough the first concert I purchased tickets for was a concert to be performed by the band Jethro (Tull).

Lines were also ‘a thing’ that occurred when registering for college classes.  I remember doing this with pencil and paper. Of course this was well before cell phones, and also the virtual world of the internet where one can now buy tickets for entertainment, register for classes and obtain a degree as well!

So returning to our summary of this week’s Parsha, G-d speaks with the Israelites through Moses and gives the Torah (10 Commandments) to the Chosen People. As we know Moses continues to lead in his chosen role during this time, unencumbered, and actually supported by, his father-in-law Jethro’s advice/ideas. One might consider this beshert relationship between son-in-law and father-in-law more than ‘meant to be’. It was also constructive, a ‘life saver’ and some might say it was certainly a blessing. What types of guidance did Jethro provide?

Shared Communications

Jethro suggests Moses expand communication to the recently freed Israelite slaves. Specifically, communicating expectations such as the laws and rules of behavior and how to fairly treat one another. True this period of time overlaps with the 10 Commandments. But communicating directly with this community of Israelite slaves was important so everyone knew the general knowledge about how to behave toward one another and what rules were allowed for some semblance of peace and cooperation. Nothing like this had existed during the Israelites time in Egypt. Let’s remember that life had been all about slavery in Egypt and Pharaoh’s rule(s) for many years.

Constructive Criticism

Initially, Moses meets people ‘where they are’ to help resolve their disputes. Unfortunately the lines got a bit too long (remember, no cell phones, no books) to get the necessary information of who, what, where, why and, how (sounds as exciting as waiting in line to buy concert tickets or as painful as watching paint dry). While Moses demonstrates his caring and compassion for the recently freed Israelite Slaves by ‘meeting them where they were’, Jethro suggests that Moses ‘could do better’ and delegate the time consuming role of arbiter to others.

After all leading a great nation is most certainly more than resolving disputes.

Empowered Plan of Delegation

Jethro further suggests his son-in-law assemble a council of chief judges that assist him in resolving disagreements.  Disputes unresolved by the council would then be elevated to Moses.  All of this to create a social and moral structure, as well as a communications channel for the recently freed Israelite slaves. It also allowed for the Israelite slaves a way to focus on one G-d and perhaps, eventually, prayer.

Recruit Carefully

More than likely Moses selects judges for the council who had specific qualities/skills. For example, judges who were good listeners of course, and those judges who would guide former Israelite slaves seeking direction, particularly with regard to the ‘one G-d’ narrative (over idolatry). The judges could also provide information and education, and of course mediation toward peaceful dispute resolution.

Additionally, one would believe that these judges represented the entire population of Israelite slaves, were also capable and trustworthy, and above all, they accepted and believed in one G-d.

Moses had much on his plate after guiding the Israelite slaves out of Egypt and enabling G-d’s larger plan of enlightening the ‘Chosen People’ with the gift of Torah. Jethro, together with G-d of course, provided vision for Moses to expand upon his organic or innate management style. In addition to some of the ‘leadership lessons’ mentioned in this D’var what other ideas can we apply to our daily lives as leaders of family, business or civic organizations?

What about providing more success for others rather than ourselves? How about telling meaningful stories that inspire thoughts, ideas and action in others?

Perhaps leading others should begin with ‘leading ourselves’.  For example, showing gratitude for ourselves and others, waking and walking with humility and perhaps most importantly taking care of our individual health (which includes being among healthy and positive people).

Finally, remember the qualities of love and compassion are also key ingredients to a life of abundant with successful leadership.   Good Shabbos!

“Did you know that when someone starts on a journey, it’s actually good luck to throw a shoe at them?”   Tony Hsieh in Phil Knight’s, Shoe Dog, 2016

A belief in one G-d, observing Shabbat or other Jewish holidays, baking a challah, or simply performing a mitzvah, is a joyful expression of Jewish values. Torah has shaped, influenced and caused our Jewish culture and values to evolve. This Parsha helps us understand the power of belief, fear, freedom/liberation and victory.

In this week’s Parsha Moses leads the Israelites on a circuitous path into the wilderness after escaping Egypt by a pillar of fire at night and pillar cloud during the day (just like the movie-right?). So as we know lotsa stuff happens on the way out of Egypt like the hot pursuit by the Egyptian army, the Sea of Reeds parts and Israelites walk through a body of water. G-d also sends manna to feed the Israelites and along the way Amalek attacks the Israelites (after all what would it be like to not have additional road-blocks on the way to freedom.)

Passover is joyful so let’s reflect in this D’var on the joy we celebrate today and many centuries ago when the Passover story started. 

WE FOUND JOY IN FREEDOM

 Israelite slaves under Pharaoh, didn’t know of any life other than slavery.  Israelites were beholden to Egyptian culture, values and indentured servitude that no one questioned for fear of retribution. Ones belief about life was all about this slavery thing over many decades.  Slavery driven by Pharaoh who imposed social, spiritual (idolatry) and physical conditions throughout generations of Israelites believing this ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable lifestyle’.

Every morning when one awoke was their gratitude and thankfulness for being alive or for the ‘excitement’ of a day filled with back breaking hard labor with maybe a little water and something to eat?

We celebrate freedom today as we did back then after we crossed the Sea of Reeds and escaped a mighty Egyptian Army that perished.

WE FOUND JOY IN PERSEVERANCE

G-d taught us strength in not turning back; heck why would anyone want to go back to the physical, emotional and evil times that were key components of the banality and normality of oppressive slavery?

In fact we celebrated our liberation from Egypt after crossing the Sea of Reeds and Miriam sang and danced with other women.  The celebration and joy experienced was about G-d’s help that freed us from the demise of our oppressors.  In fact we celebrate, honor and remember that moment of freedom from crossing the Sea of Reeds when we stand at the end of the daily Shacrit prayer.

WE FOUND JOY IN BELIEF

G-d wanted everyone (Egyptian and Israelite alike) to know and believe in the one almighty. Many may continue to believe in one G-d  especially when daily small miracles go unexplained

G-d showed us freedom along with a covenant because he had great
plans for us as long as we followed the prescriptive guidance HE
provided and asked us to follow.  We can now find joy in
transference – with teachings of Torah and Mitzvot to practice daily.

In our desire for freedom our joy was liberating because of the adventure.

In our search for freedom our joy was illuminating from the miracles witnessed.

In our thirst for freedom our joy was enabled by the spirit of G-d.

Today we celebrate and remember these times with joy.

Seth Godin wrote, “If expectation is a killer of joy, it is also the shortest route to disappointment.”  Like our Israelite relatives before us, HOPE is fuel that can move us forward and amplify our beliefs about the Joy of freedom, liberation and victory in our lives today.  Good Shabbos!

“Don’t criticize what you can’t understand.”
Bob Dylan – The Times They are a Changin’

This week’s Parsha includes the final three plagues that G-D created for the benefit of the Israelites and imposed upon Pharaoh to let the Israelite Slaves GO (HENCE BO! – BO MEANS GO!)   So what did slavery look like back in the day and how does slavery look today?

 Let’s talk slavery & about the plagues. Slavery was a way of life in the old testament AND unfortunately remains so today in the US and around the world.

 It is written that slavery under Pharaoh was much less humane than other examples from Torah. In fact, the midrash emphasizes the harsh period of slavery under pharaoh as illustrated through the plagues upon Egypt for the years of adverse treatment of enslaved Israelites.

When we step back and look at Parasha’s Va-era & Bo, the plagues are well thought out, organized, planned, deliberate and with purpose.

The Torah highlights midah k’neged midah–no act is ever unaccounted for, no good deed is uncompensated and no evil deed ever goes unpunished – or Tit-for Tat/an eye for an eye.

Although y’all probably know of several stories from Torah where an ‘eye for an eye’ is exemplified here are two examples.

The first example is that of Cain who kills his brother Abel and therefore is sent to wander the earth because it is explained in the midrash that he polluted the earth with his brothers blood.

A second example is Judah who deceives his father, Jacob, with a he-goat, dipping Joseph’s rainbow colored coat in goat blood and sends it to Jacob, asking: Is this the coat of your son? Do you recognize it? Likewise, Judah is deceived with a he-goat, when he attempts to pay the harlot and can’t find her.

Today’s parasha of course is related directly to Pharaohs treatment of the Israelites and God’s punishment of Pharaoh with the plagues.

So what about the balance of plagues between Egyptian oppression and the Israelites. Here are a couple of quick examples to consider:
1) Why did the Nile turn into blood? Was it because the Egyptians forced the Jews to haul water from the Nile or because it was used to drown Israelite male infants? The water is punished along with the Egyptians.

2) What about Lice, keenim?   The Jews were forced to serve as farmers, so the earth was overridden with lice, and the land could no longer be farmed.

So back to slavery today – it seems unthinkable that slavery still prevails in our world today.

One stark example is in the country of India, where there are an estimated ten million bonded laborers—victims forced to pay off debts by working and who may ultimately pass their particular debt on to their children.

Studies from the American Urban Institute and Northeastern University indicate forced labor and child sexual trafficking is rampant in the United States.

And what about us as individuals? How is slavery characterized in our daily lives?

We’re slaves to the constant wants and desires and pleasures that have enraptured us since birth.

If someone insults me and I want to get on their ‘good side’, I am slave to their moods. If I have a big house and a mortgage and I’m worried I can’t pay it, I’m slave to the house, to the bank, to the government, to my boss who I am dependent on employing me.

Of course while there are many important social and human rights issues from institutional racism to sexual harassment and many others, it seems that slavery is often overlooked given our personal preferences, focus and priorities. While slavery is dehumanizing and indeed devastating we cannot always wait for an act of God to solve slavery; today, it is up to us.

Why should we care about slavery today and how can we prevent it?

It is said that Moses led 2 million slaves out of Egypt. Today the web site EndSlaveryNow.com estimates between 21 to 45 million people are trapped in some form of slavery and not the biblical slavery outlined in Torah. Today’s slavery includes domestic servitude, sex trafficking, forced labor, bonded labor, child labor, and forced/abusive marriages.

How can we prevent slavery today?  What about making slavery a personal cause that each of us actually cares about? How about relating any of the types of slavery noted above to our own lives and taking action for the benefit of our neighborhoods, community and the whole of humanity?

Imagine a sex trafficker who takes a child from their home, injects them with addictive drugs and sells them to strangers on an hourly basis? This child becomes hooked on the drugs and may be ever dependent on a lifestyle that is difficult to conceive.  While this actually occurs and is often repeated particularly among broken homes with broken relationships, we can do something to prevent these patterns of malevolent behavior.

How can we prevent slavery today? We can choose to educate ourselves. We can volunteer to help people struggling to emerge beyond chains of repression that they may believe they are bound too.  We can choose meaningful action to help those who suffer from the causes that contribute to many forms of slavery today.  We can pray, and donate our time and money to causes focused on decimating slavery.

Finally we can learn from Torah and Moses’ actions related to the liberation of slaves from indentured servitude.

Good Shabbos!

After being sold into slavery by his brothers, Joseph certainly had cause to hold a grudge against them. Joseph must decide what path he should take in establishing a new relationship with his brothers, one of forgiveness and acceptance or one of vengeance and retribution. In all the years that had gone by without contact with his brothers, Joseph’s feeling of grievance and anger never changed. It was not until they talked to each other that there was a possibility of reconciliation. But even once they started talking, it still took years for them to come to a stable resolution. Time heals, but it takes time for the healing to occur.

Note what must happen for forgiveness to occur in this case. First, Joseph hides his identity to his brothers to make sure they were capable of remorse and atonement. He knows they understand they have done wrong because they acknowledged their guilt. Second, Joseph arranged a trial to test whether Judah is, indeed, a changed person. Judah demonstrated complete repentance and passed the test. These two elements tell us what has changed in the brothers so that they, the wrongdoers, can be forgiven.

When Joseph first reveals himself to his brothers, he says,” And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you”. This sounds like forgiveness, but the word “forgiveness” is not used. The brothers may have assumed that Joseph still intended to take revenge but not during the life of their father. That is what provokes the drama at the end of this week’s parashah.  After the death of Jacob, the brothers were worried that Jacob would not forgive them for what they had done. But there is also a change in Joseph. He has reframed his life and his relationship with God. Joseph responded to them, saying,” Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended me harm, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”. This change is what allows the victim, Joseph, to forgive

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks notes that this is a crucial moment in the history of faith. It marks the birth of forgiveness, the first recorded moment in which one person forgives another for a wrong they have done. While Joseph does not use the word forgiveness, he makes clear that he dismisses all thoughts of revenge.

Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love or trust, can cause anger, sadness, and confusion.  You might want revenge.  Revenge is one way of restoring the social order, but it is a very costly and dangerous one because it can lead to a vicious circle of retaliation that has no natural stopping point.

There is a Chinese proverb,” If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves”, which is saying your resentment will destroy you as well.

Instead, you should choose forgiveness.  Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. It is a conscious decision to be good to people who were not good to you.  Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. Forgiveness does not mean excusing the behavior of the other person. In fact, if his or her behavior can be excused then there is no real need for forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary when the behavior is inexcusable, when the person involved really should not have acted in such a fashion.  We too often make the mistake of saying:” It’s okay; I know you didn’t mean it” or” it doesn’t matter; I realize you are under strain and I probably provoked you”.  Forgiveness begins where excuses leave off. One does not have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender. You can forgive someone and still know you can’t trust them.

Forgiveness is not dependent upon confession. Forgiveness is an action that I may choose, and which is not dependent upon the behavior of the other person.  Nor does forgiveness require an agreed version of the past. This is crucial because arguing over who said what and who replied in what fashion frequently postpones or destroys entirely the process of forgiveness.

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words is also not the point of forgiveness. Forgiveness is vitally important for the health of those who have been victimized. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life – by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to exert over your life.

Forgiveness is about goodness, by extending mercy to those who have harmed us, even if they don’t deserve it. Forgiveness is a process with many steps. Working out forgiveness can help us increase our own self-esteem and give us a sense of inner strength and safety. Forgiveness can heal us and allow us to move on in life with meaning and purpose as Joseph did. Studies have shown that forgiving others produce a strong psychological benefit for the one who forgives. It has been shown to decrease depression, anxiety, unhealthy anger, and symptoms of PTSD.

Most people have been hurt or betrayed by others. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger and bitterness – even vengeance. But if you do not practice forgiveness, you might be the one pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude, and joy.

Forgiving another person is one thing, but what happens when we can commit the offense ourselves? It is important to take responsibility for mistakes. Key to this process is owning up to one’s mistakes, understanding why they occurred, and helping rectify the situation. Reflect on why the event occurred and identify how to avoid a similar offense in the future. Then forgive yourself.

After you have been able to self-forgive, you will also need to engage in seeking forgiveness from others whom you have harmed and right the wrongs as best as you can. It is important to be prepared for the possibility that the other person may not be ready to forgive you and to practice patience and humility.

All of us suffer our own personal grudges and animosities in life. Each of us must decide how to respond to such challenge. Will I become bitter, or will I instead choose a more difficult route of forgiveness. Like Joseph, each one of us must seek out the appropriate words of kindness and appreciation for a shared destiny that will reconcile us with those we have injured and those who have injured us.

“Change isn’t made by asking permission. Change is made by asking forgiveness, later”   Seth Godin

This week’s Parsha begins with Judah, in the presence of his brothers, pleading with the viceroy of Egypt, that his brother Benjamin be set free after Benjamin steals a silver cup from Pharaoh upon his last visit to the Egyptian palace. Judah offers to switch places with Benjamin to become a prisoner or slave (of course Judah was following through on his verbal agreement with his brothers and dad Jacob to protect Benjamin).

As we find out, the viceroy reveals himself as their brother Joseph.  He then goes on to tell his brothers  not to worry about their past transgression for selling him into slavery years before (supposedly Judah’s idea).  In fact in a celebration of the news of forgiveness the twelve brothers came close together and hug on another.

The explanation that I came across for this act of forgiveness has Joseph reframe the prophetic story for his brothers as G-d’s plan. It’s a plan of evolution to save Jacob’s family as well as future generations of Israelites. According to Joseph, in spite of the brothers jealousy, (remember, they thought Joseph was the favored son of Jacob), the plan was actually put into motion by G-d to eventually help save Joseph,  his brothers, the entire extended family of Jacob and future generations of Israelites.

To further express his love and kindness, Joseph (along with Pharaoh), gave the brothers many presents, to bring back to Jacob along with the news that Joseph was alive. The Parasha continues with Jacob then getting all 70 family members together, and moving to Egypt.  The family is reunited and they settle in Goshen, where the Children of Israel will flourish, until, of course, slavery is imposed upon the Israelites and it’s time to leave again.

In my review of scholarly material for this D’var there were two takeaways for me.  The first is, ‘Does G-d speak to us without actually speaking to us?’.  This is related to Joseph’s reframing of how he was cast away from his family first in a pit and then sold to traders and ultimately is appointed number two of the Egyptian empire.

Since there is much to unpack from this lesson alone and too much for the remaining four minutes of this D’var,  another of the most important Parasha ‘takeaways’ for me is Joseph’s ability to forgive his brothers in order to allow his brothers to forgive themselves.  One would think his brother’s must have been suffering extensively from guilt and remorse because their father Jacob’s diminished enthusiasm for life over the loss of his son.

So how do we forgive ourselves?  Is it the same as forgiving others?

According to the Mayo Clinic website, “Forgiveness can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you…. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.”   Indeed, this seems to be the goal and outcome from Joseph’s impassioned conversation with Judah and his brothers.  Joseph has certainly had enough time to think and forgive himself during his over-confident and defiant ‘teenage years’ that may have provoked the angst amongst his brothers to take care of a ‘perceived problem’ that was probably no more than a misunderstanding/mis-interpretation of ‘hormones out of control’.

Let’s recall from the parasha, in a paraphrased context, the first thing Joseph says to Judah and his brothers is essentially, “I am your brother who you sold into slavery, how is dad AND don’t worry about your past transgressions. I made it here due to G-ds plan for us and I forgive you anyway.”  Ironically, as we know, the famine had impacted Joseph’s family and brought them back together and Joseph seems to have a sense of urgency to “make things right again” as soon as possible.

So why forgive oneself?

Some of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on others and that includes how we manage our ability to forgive others and ourselves.  Reading ‘between the lines’ of the Torah portion it appears as though Joseph has transcended past transgressions and is determined to move forward with his life and that of his families. It seems as if he had already prepared to forgive his siblings and simply wanted to put the past behind and reconnect with his family while he managed the Egyptian empire during a time of famine (not too shabby for a guy whose humble beginnings started with sheep herding).

Unlike his brothers, he has let go of feelings of anger, resentment and retribution. Joseph has become present. His brothers on the other hand, had carried the burden of guilt for years and had become stuck in a remorseful life situation.  In a restorative way, Joseph learned from his mistakes and was now focused on saving lives far beyond that of his father and brothers.

Upon revealing himself to his brothers, Joseph provided a roadmap and gave permission to his brothers to forgive themselves for past transgressions.

To me it’s as if Joseph eliminates years of bad feelings his brothers have carried inside themselves by simply communicating the need for them to re-unite.  It allowed his brothers to learn to forgive themselves simply by learning from the example Joseph had become (not to mention all the time they were able to save from what could have been years of therapy).

So forgiving oneself is an important aspect of moving forward with one’s life.  In an article, “Taking the Steps to Forgive Yourself” found on VeryWellMind.com from Amy Morin, LCSW, here are four steps we can all take to forgive ourselves:

1) Accept responsibility – show compassion to yourself
2) Express remorse – overcome guilt, remorse and shame to express/embrace positive feelings
3) Repair damage & restore trust – when we make amends it allows us to move beyond guilt
4) Renewal – learn from mistakes to avoid self-hatred and move forward in life

Finally – once we have forgiven ourselves it becomes easier to be present and love our-self, our life.

The next time you want to measure or question the love you have for yourself, consider this quote from Kamal Rivkant, from his book,  ‘Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It’:   “If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?”

Good Shaabos!

Nancy and I received a text last week before Thanksgiving from a well-meaning cousin. She sent it to several people in the family. The thrust of the message was that we should be thankful for struggles because they make us stronger. And on and on it went about different types of struggles – physical, emotional, etc., and how grateful we should be for hardships. I thought, “What a lot of nonsense!” These messages of how wonderful adversity can be typically come from people who haven’t known real tragedy or chronic illness. Nancy and I read this text and, charitably, said, “Well, she meant well.”

Last week, we read about Jacob’s ladder, and we recalled the struggles he had been through, brought on by his own actions. The imagery from that dream has been the subject of books and films. Years had passed in Jacob’s life, and of course, he had been through a lot. In this week’s parashah, we read that Jacob is about to meet his brother Esau for the first time in, we’re told, more than 20 years. He is afraid of the revenge that Esau might take. Recall that Jacob tricked his brother many years before, so that he would receive his father’s final blessing before his death. Having tricked his brother and also his elderly father, what did he then do? He ran away!

This week, the Torah recounts Jacob’s torment the day before the meeting. He makes plans to disperse his belongings and even his family, in case Esau takes revenge on him. Jacob is increasingly fearful of what might happen. He sends a huge gift of cattle to Esau. He prays, asking for Gd’s help. Esau, it seems, is bringing to this meeting a whole army.

And so Jacob sleeps fitfully and has a bad dream, in which he has a struggle with some unknown entity – was it an angel? Himself? Gd? Anyway, Jacob tells his foe that until he receives a blessing, he will not let go. Jacob’s hip is hurt during the struggle, and remains so even after he awakens. So now, knowing that whatever he faces is just dessert for the deception he perpetrated years before, we’re supposed to feel his pain? Please. Doesn’t it seem as though Jacob is getting exactly what he  deserves? Well, all turns out well. Esau receives Jacob with grace and warmth, and Jacob returns the feelings.

So is there a lesson here that we can learn? Jacob is struggling with his past misdeeds. Perhaps he recalls how Esau must have felt when he had been swindled. In his dream, Jacob asks for, pleads for a blessing. Was Jacob channeling his inner Esau? His past misdeeds have tormented him, and now he continues to limp. “Will I change?,” he must have been thinking. “I must change!”

We all continue to limp from the genuine struggles we have faced. In fact, we sometimes bear those scars, and limp, for a lifetime. Some are scars that were the result of our own misdeeds; others were cast upon us through no fault of our own. But all were from some crisis in our lives. Real crises cause real scars.

But what also happened? Jacob wouldn’t let go until he received a blessing. The crises that we live through should, hopefully, result in an awakening within us of the need to turn crisis into opportunity. To turn tragedy, even, into actions that will ultimately bring change for others that will benefit them. It’s not easy. Sometimes, it takes years for this to happen. For many, it never does.

Jacob’s life was not easy. In a few weeks, we will read that when he meets Pharaoh in Egypt, he tells him that his life has known many troubles. What’s so instructive and, yes, inspiring, about the Torah is that its characters are people we can identify with. They make mistakes, they struggle, they limp as a result. But sometimes they learn in ways that we can, in the best of the Jewish tradition, find instructive and inspirational. Maybe we can all find some of Jacob in ourselves. Hardships and tragedy are not blessings, but it is up to us to become a blessing to others in response.

And you’ll be happy to know that I responded to my well-meaning cousin by wishing her a very happy Thanksgiving.

What dreams may come

Have your dreams gotten stranger since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic? According to Dr. Deirdre Barrett, psychologist and dream researcher at Harvard, “any crisis tends to stir up our dream lives.”

In her interview on Science Friday on NPR, Dr. Barrett “That’s been ongoing since the start of the pandemic. But most crises make us lose sleep, if anything. And especially at the start of the pandemic, when so many people were furloughed or sent home from school, people were actually catching up on sleep somewhat. So at the very start of the pandemic I heard lots of people saying that they just had lots more dream recall than usual. And more bizarre dreams and more vivid dreams. Dream life just blipped way up at the very start.”

She explained that: “I look at dreams as basically just thinking in a different brain state. Different electrical activity, different biochemicals. But we’re still concerned with all of our usual fears, hopes, dreams, work stuff, personal stuff. But our brain is in a state where our visual areas are much more active than even when we’re awake.

Our emotional areas are a little more active. And areas that are associated with logical linear reasoning are damped down a lot. So we’re thinking in this very imagery laden emotional state with less verbal thought, but we’re still focused on the same things that we are by day.”

So why is this relevant to today’s parasha? Vaytze tells the events in the life of Jacob who runs away to his uncle in Haran, encounters angels and God in a dream, falls in love with Rachel, works for 20 years for his uncle, marries Rachel and Leah, fathers the children who will become the leaders of the 12 tribes, and grows his sheep flocks by the hundreds before returning to the land of Canaan.

Imagine the fear that gripped Jacob’s heart as he began his lonely flight from his family and from his home to far-away Haran.  Running away from the wrath of his brother, Esau, and from his native environment, Jacob suddenly runs out of strength. He arrives by nightfall.  Lying down on the ground, using a stone for a pillow, Jacob falls asleep and, while he was asleep, he has an amazing dream.

Given that Jacob was terrified of his brother’s wrath, what kind of dream do you think he would dream? One of revenge? One of monsters chasing him in the night?

Dr. Barrett, who has authored a book called Pandemic Dreams, talks about the differences in the dreams of the frontline doctors and nurses in Italy working in the early days of the pandemic. They were having horrible traumatic dreams about trying to get a tube down someone’s throat whose breathing was so constricted that they couldn’t get the tube in place. As the pandemic really started hitting the US, she started seeing more trauma dreams, which tend to be more realistic with a bit of dreamlike distortion.

In her interview with Kathleen Davis on Science Friday, Dr. Barrett provided some examples of dreams people have reported to her via an ongoing survey of pandemic dreams. An example from one person: I have had a number of dreams where I am in a social setting or someone’s home, or something like that, and suddenly realize that no one is wearing masks and they’re not maintaining social distance. I wake up feeling very anxious and unsettled after that.

Jacob, on the other hand, does not have a trauma dream. He dreams of a ladder planted firmly on the ground with the rungs stretching all the way to the heavens. The odd thing about this is that the angels are seen to be olim v’yordim (ascending and descending) the rungs of the ladder. According to Rabbi Gilah Dror of Rodef Shalom Temple, the Sages note that angels seem to ascend first…don’t heavenly angels come from heaven? What kind of angels are these that seem to originate from Earth?

Rabbi Dror explains:

“Perhaps, the answer to this question lies in Jacob’s state of mind as he falls asleep.

Remember that Jacob is running for his life. He is isolated and alone and living in fear. He is exhausted. His strength is sapped not only by the journey, but also by his extremely strong emotions. And, in that state of mind, Jacob lies down to sleep and has this amazing dream. And, in his dream, Jacob uncovers an important message.

The message is that there are different kinds of angels. There are heavenly angels and there are earthly angels. And, when we are confronting our fears, the first thing we must do is to muster our earthly angels, our own spiritual strength, our own human determination, to meet the fears that afflict us. Only then, will the heavenly angels be revealed to us. Only then will we be able to see the heavenly angels that descend to strengthen our efforts as we strive to overcome our fears and to meet our challenges.”

Dreams can serve as a source of direction in our lives providing a bigger picture which keeps us steady and tells us the meaning of our lives, according to Rabbi Stacey Blank (World Union for Progressive Judaism).  G-d spoke to the prophets oftentimes in a dream. And we hear the voices that give us inspiration to do great things, to do impossible things – to make the desert bloom, to send men and women to the moon, to continue to be engaged in the seemingly endless struggle for righteousness and loving-kindness in the world.

Jacob’s amazing dream didn’t change his life situation. It did, however, give him renewed energy and courage and set him on the course to be the Father of Israel.

If you are having exceptionally strange or vivid dreams influenced by the pandemic, perhaps you can look for  inspiration to get through these traumatic times. For those who just feel like they’re having more anxiety dreams and those are making their daytime anxiety worse, the best technique is simply to think of what you would like to dream about.

Maybe there’s a person you’re not getting to be with. Maybe there’s a favorite place that you’d like to visit in your dream tonight. So you want to fall asleep saying, tonight I want to dream about x, tonight I want to dream about x. And form a simple visual image in your mind’s eye of the person’s face or the place or something about the dream you want to have. Dr. Barrett says that it doesn’t work all the time, but it does frequently.

As you go to sleep tonight think of all the things you are grateful for this Thanksgiving weekend. While you may not dream of an amazing ladder to heaven, perhaps your dreams will give you renewed energy and inspire you to do some good in the world. Tikun Olam

Shabbat Shalom.

References:

Transcript of Science Friday: https://www.sciencefriday.com/segments/covid-dreams/

Rabbi Gilah Dror https://www.rodefsholomtemple.org/shabbat-parashat-vayetze-earthly-angels/

Rabbi Stacey Blank https://wupj.org/library/uncategorized/17028/dreaming-in-the-state-of-israel-parashat-vayetze/

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2020/04/coronavirus-pandemic-is-giving-people-vivid-unusual-dreams-here-is-why/

Joseph Frankel (4-1-20) on Medium: https://gen.medium.com/this-is-your-brain-on-coronavirus-dreams-356ff36c01b7

Deidre Barrett (2020) Pandemic Dreams https://www.amazon.com/Pandemic-Dreams-Deirdre-Barrett/dp/0982869533/ref=sr_1_2crid=1VDFX9NGMXHQ2&dchild=1&keywords=pandemic+dreams&qid=1606510533&sprefix=pandemic+dreams%2Caps%2C188&sr=8-2

Have you had your Covid-19 vaccine yet? Are you planning on getting the series yourself? What kind of messages have you heard about the vaccines? Are you skeptical? Do you trust the person who is giving you the information about the vaccine?

Parasha Vaera opens with Moses talking to G-d, who has just told him that he will indeed bring the Israelites to freedom outside of Egypt. Moses responds by telling G-d that “they didn’t listen to me, because their spirit was broken and the labor was harsh” or put another  way—from another translation—The people of Israel would not listen to Moses from shortness of breath and cruel bondage (Ex. Ch6, v 9).

Adina Roth asks “what prevents people from receiving comfort? The cruelty of slavery is that individual liberties are removed and harsh bondage is imposed. There is little agency when large forces of power control the parameters of one’s life.”

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks said “the people didn’t listen to Moses because he had brought them messages from G-d before and they had done nothing to improve their situation… They had no reason to think he would do so in the future.”

When Moses met G-d at the burning bush, he kept refusing to lead the Israelites because “he was not a man of words. He was slow of speech and tongue. He lacked eloquence. He could not sway crowds. He was not an inspirational leader.”

It turns out that Moses with both right and wrong, according to Rabbi Sacks. “It has nothing to do with his failures as a leader or public speaker. In fact it had nothing to do with Moses at all. They didn’t listen because their spirit was broken and the labor was harsh.”

Mainmonides  is quoted by Rabbi Sacks (from the Guide for the perplexed) The Torah has two aims: the well-being of the soul and the well-being of the body…spiritual achievement is higher than material achievement, but we need to ensure the latter first, because a person suffering from great hunger, thirst, heat or cold, cannot grasp as idea even if it is communicated by others, much less arrive at it by his own reasoning.”

The minute I read those words, I was reminded of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. You all have probably seen the pyramid graphic where the base represents out physiological needs: food, shelter and other basics needed to survive. Next come of the safety needs—protection against harm done to us by others. Third is the need for love and belonging, followed by our desire for recognition and esteem. At the top of the pyramid is what Maslow called self-actualization—fulfilling our potential—become the person we feel we could and should be.

Over the years, Maslow’s hierarchy has been revised. The original model states that a level must be completely satisfied and fulfilled before moving into a higher pursuit. According to Wikipedia, today’s scholars prefer to think of the levels as continuously overlapping each other—knowing that lower levels may take precedence over the others at any time.

We can see this in the what has happened during the pandemic. Individuals may feel belonging and love with a family and friends, yet have the rug pulled out from under them as they have lost jobs and possibly homes with little relief. Will these people listen to the messages about getting a Covid-19 vaccine if they are worried about where their next meal is going to come from? Will they even hear the messages about the vaccine?

As we know, Moses and Aaron went to Pharoh and pleaded for the freedom of the Israelites.  Each time they went to see Pharoh, those visits were followed by G-d’s signs and wonders. Through Aaron, G-d orchestrated the first three plagues; through Moses the next six. It was only after the 10^th, the slaying of the firstborn, did Pharoh grant the Israelites their freedom (in next week’s Parasha).

Like the Israelies, we find ourselves caught in the powerful currents of history, political power-plays, pandemics, and other  circumstances over which we have no control. Adina Roth put it this way, ”during the pandemic, many of us are trapped in a waiting game; we are waiting for this awful time to  end so that we can resume the task of living again.”

So where does this leave us? For those who can, help those who can’t. Work towards alleviating poverty, curing disease, respecting human rights. In the Jewish tradition, these are spiritual tasks no less than prayer and Torah study. Rabbi Sacks closes, “to be sure the latter are higher, but the former are prior. People can not hear G-d’s or the doctor’s messages if their spirit is broken and their labor harsh.

Shabbat Shalom

References

Lam, Rabbi Label for Torah.org (2010) Communication https://torah.org/torah-portion/dvartorah-5770-vaera/

Roth, Adina (2021) Parshat Vaera Room to Breathe: Seeking Agency in Narrow Places https://jewishweek.timesofisrael.com/parshat-vaera-room-to-breathe-seeking-agency-in-narrow-places/

Sacks, Rabbi Jonathan (2016) Spirits in a Material World https://rabbisacks.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/CC-5776-Spirits-in-a-Material-World-Vaera.pdf

Summary of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs –including criticism, evolution of the model and the sources for some of the ideas from the Blackfoot Nation  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow’s_hierarchy_of_needs

One point of gratitude -On behalf of Sue and I we thank you – all of our friends in the Kehilat – that have provided meals for our home during this most challenging time. We feel blessed. You are all sincerely appreciated very very much – Thank you

How long do we or should we grieve and follow the process of bereavement for the loss of a loved one?

While I am not an expert on the topic of grieving nor follower/student of Dr. Joel Roffman or David Kessler (grief experts), I turned to what all of us Kehilah scholars may do to find out about grief (Google) – which mentions that:

While

How many of us have started a new project, job or relationship without a certainty that came before? And how do we start our journey’s?

For some this could look, feel or sound confusing, stressful, anxiety provoking and frustrating. Perhaps our journey starts because of a life changing event like the death of a loved one, an illness or a new job.

For others the journey of a life changing event could be perceived as a new empowering adventure that could lead to personal success, personal growth or possibly a new true love. Some might even say it’s an exercise in free-will and call it ‘blind faith’.

Maybe, then, this is how Abraham perceived his calling in Lech Lecha which literally means ‘go’ or ‘leave’.  Lech Lecha is a Torah portion woven with many non-descript meanings and relationships (far too many for the next 6 minutes). The Torah portion does not explicitly say that Abraham put all of his faith in G-d, pulled up his pants and saddled up his donkey and left for a specific destination that was designated by G-d.

Nope. In fact, Torah tells us that G-d commands Abraham to leave his home, family and the place where he was born for a destination that G-d ‘eventually’ let him know about.  The certainty that comes with that last statement sounds less than comforting though Abraham was familiar with his belief in free-will.

Interestingly, writer Daniel Lowenstein at AlephBeta points to key parallels in Lech Lecha and the Torah reading for the second day of Rosh Hashanah known as the Akedah or binding of Isaac.  These ideas must be important for all of us given the ‘repetitive’ theme’s of ‘belief in one-G-d’, free-will and  perhaps the idea about a fear of G-d.

Like Lech Lecha where G-d commands Abraham to ‘go’, in the Akedah Torah portion, G-d again commands Abraham to, ‘kill your son, your precious one, the one you love’.  Take him to a mountain, (again, unspecified in the Torah by G-d), & similar to that ‘same destination’ Abraham is to seek out in Lech Lecha (unknown) when leaving home at the age of 75 with his barren 65 year old wife Sarah.

What in the world is this about?  How can one simply receive and follow a commandment to pack-up and leave one’s home, family and the familiarity of a lifelong experience for an unknown destination and ‘promises’ like being the father of a great nation with many kids, particularly when faced with a big infertility issue.  Certainly there were no ‘Dr. Jeff Busch’s’ around or anything close to in-vitro procedures.  What then? Is it simply a compelling belief and faith in ‘one-G-d’?

The Torah tells us Abraham finds his destination (in both cases without direct guidance from G-d),  complies to leave home and the same can be said  to be the case when he takes Isaac to be bound at Mount Moriah. What some may find remarkable is that Abraham’s belief in G-d was so compelling he also followed the direction in both Lech Lecha and the Aekdah that he builds altars to honor G-d. The first altar is built after Abraham and Sarahs journey.  The second  altar is built to prepare for the sacrifice of his (only) 36 year old son.

So what set’s Abrahams journey in motion?  Was it the promise of becoming the father of a great nation? Or was it an imbued purpose coupled with Abraham’s ‘free-will’?

To quickly compare and contrast, George Washington was also the father of a great nation and had a certain level of free-will though as we know that’s a different story for a different time.  George had a different purpose behind how and why he got to his/our destination compared to Abraham and Sarah.

While the determination and belief for Abraham and Sarah to leave is not clearly outlined in the Torah, it seems as though their ‘collective free-will’ and belief may have caused them to follow a long time relationship to G-d that the sages would have us believe started in Abraham’s childhood.

We remember the Midrashic (not Torah) story of Abraham that tells of a child who sees his dad, Terah’s, ‘premium idols’ in Terah’s  ‘premium idol work-shop’ ready for use by the local idol worshiping community. With determined certainty Abraham smashes all but one idol and leaves the hammer in the tallest and biggest of Terah’s idol creations.  Maybe this rabbinic story is one of the reasons sages use to validate 75 year old Abraham’s journey decades later away from his family, away from his home and the place he was born.

As the story goes, his father comes to the scene of the idolatry ‘massacre’ and says, ‘Why did you do this Abram?’

Abraham’s righteous-rebellious yet respectful reply may have sounded something like, ‘Hey dad it wasn’t me.  It was the biggest, tallest and strongest idol that all of us pray too.  I mean after all you build them and we pray to them.  It had to be this way – right?  After all we believe that the world operates on the basis of these idols that you create to help us all promote the idolatry and everything in it that influences our highest beliefs in life. Right dad?’

Perhaps another impetus for Abraham to leave his home is due to the death of his 205 year old brother Haran. Due to his older brothers passing, Abraham sees the journey as a meaningful way to start a new chapter.  Yet once again it is up to us to decide since there is no definitive Torah explanation.

How do we start our ‘Journey’s’?  Can you remember anytime in your life when you began a journey without all the pieces in place or a set direction?

One memory of a personal ‘young adult’ journey I took began after completing graduate school.  In this ‘nomadic time’ of my live, I was grateful to be given the opportunity to move back to the home I grew up in to save a few dollars before consciously making a planned decision to move to another location.  Yes my room had changed & had become not a shrine to my departure but rather a storage area filled with stuff that had collected, been mis-placed or moved into my room, over a six year absence.

A few months following my return to the home where I grew up I was reminded by my ‘parental property managers’ that I was living under ‘their roof’ and needed to be home at a specific time.  This created an unintended consequence for our little community as this one rule lit a fire under my back-side.  So yes I got the message, exercised my free-will, and began looking for another place to live and moved out within 48 hours. In the end I was thankful for the experience and was grateful to return for brief visits until the home was sold last year.

How can we prepare for inevitable planned (or otherwise) changes in our lives to make our ‘Journey’ more certain? Well since we are short on time and you could actually Google the 1.6 M plus results for moving forward in life here are a few ideas.

1) Check-out a powerful mindfulness experience you can practice daily called guided visualization imagery by writing/journaling scripts or meditation or a combination of both.

2) Seek out inspiring and thought provoking educational opportunities through personal connections, conversation, art, music and books.

3) Read and study Torah and give yourself permission to do something new for the Kehilat like write a D’var or lead one or two portions in our Shabbat services.

Perhaps Abraham believed, as novelist Anatole France wrote, “To accomplish great things we must dream as well as act”.   Good Shabbos!