I am fortunate to give this D’var since it is usually delivered by Joel who is on the Dallas Hebrew Free Loan Association board or Iris a former president of the Dallas Hebrew Free Loan Association. If there is time following the D’var -would Joel or Iris say a few words following the D’var about DHFLA?

How is a moral and just society built?  One can look to the commandments/laws outlined in this week’s parasha – Mishpatim.

Last week we received the 10 Commandments – this week we receive an additional 53 ‘Covenant Collection Laws’. Like the laws of lending money – there are many laws of course though let’s focus on lending.

In fact – Exodus 22:24 states:  ‘If (or really WHEN) one lends money to my people, to the poor among you,  do not act as a creditor and do not charge them interest.’

How many times have ‘WE’ been able to borrow money without interest to purchase a car, property or say  education?

Essentially, law and guidance from Torah about lending to THOSE IN NEED is that the loan is not to benefit the lender by receiving interest on the outstanding loan. The loan should benefit the indigent – the person in need.

However, what about when we or someone we know is in a compromised position (like no job or furloughed, lack of savings, living paycheck to paycheck).  How did that situation feel to you or to them? What action did this cause us to take or did it? Can any of us imagine what it would be like to not have a source of income and live under alternate circumstances?   If not, try volunteering at the Jewish Family Service Food Pantry or, The Bridge or other transition/homeless shelter. It is an experience that will raise your consciousness about this cause and surely will humble your soul.

Let’s be clear here -G-d did not say – hey – ignore the crying baby or throw obstacles in the way of the disabled/blind. Nope-it was more about showing compassion for those who do not have the resources to support a balanced life.

A person in financial need really can be anyone among us.  In fact it’s not about ‘THEM’ (the POOR) and ‘us’ because as the Torah points out we are us and we were made in “b’tzelem elokim” – the image of G-d.

So why might someone put ‘blinders on’ or ignore or disregard someone who is seeking help?

Essentially, we as Jews are to recognize those less fortunate than ourselves because we were once an oppressed and poor people.   People who need help are not separate from us – THEY ARE US.  For another real example – visit Parkland Hospital and speak with the medical personnel who work in the mental health extended observation unit or visit the County jail and tour the floors in the jail that literally ‘house-provide shelter’ for mentally ill individuals unable to post bond and essentially have no-where to go and usually no one that will have them except the Texas State Hospitals IF beds are available and IF these individuals ‘qualify’ for a bed.

Again- WE are not ‘better’ than the oppressed and poor because we were once oppressed and poor.  In fact this is pointed out twice in Mishpatim.  G-d wants us to REMEMBER WHERE WE CAME FROM.

In My Jewish Learning, Rabbi Jill Jacobs points out that those of us who do not live in dire poverty often protect ourselves from any sense of vulnerability by finding ways to differentiate ourselves from the poor: ‘THEY’ must be poor because ‘THEY’ don’t work hard, because ‘THEY’ drink or self medicate or take drugs to cope with ‘THEIR’ illness, or because ‘THEY’ come from dysfunctional families, or because ‘THEY’ live paycheck to paycheck and so forth. Seeing each poor person as our sibling cuts through any attempts to separate ourselves from him or her

Rabbi Jacobs also points out that like the concept of Achikha (or brotherhood), this demand forces us to see each poor person as an individual human being worthy of dignity and respect. Rather than the view of a poor person as an anonymous and undeserving vulnerable individual, we are asked to regard this person as a child of “Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Like us, this person, though imperfect, is deserving of what talmudic Rabbis call z’chut avot (the merit of the ancestors), the ancestral connection that guarantees God’s mercy.

Further – Rabbi Jacobs points out that perhaps we should consider the care of the poor as a means of building a stronger community as a whole. In the most utilitarian formulation of this idea, perhaps contributing to the education of the poor to help guarantee a better educated and therefore more productive society; that perhaps helping the poor to buy property increases the number of homeowners in a given place and therefore may raise the value of all housing stock; or that job training and small business loans for those who are less fortunate might increase the economic viability of an entire community.  By the way – some of these ideas have been funded by the Hebrew Free Loan Association.

Look I’m not saying we need to sacrifice everything for those in ‘dire straights’.  There are examples of people who have found themselves in less fortunate circumstances and have had or found the resources to come out better than they were – like people with Dyslexia such as Danny Glover, Nolan Ryan, Alyssa Milano, Pete Rose. Or those who have dropped out of school to take care of family before getting on solid ground like Benjamin Franklin (dropped out of school at age 10) or Jim Carey who dropped out of school at age 15 and lived in a car with his dad – an unemployed musician.

Back to our D’var and the idea of charging no interest to the poor. This also speaks to the larger idea of what one might refer to as the ‘Community of Humanity’ that we all are a part of – so ‘taking care of people in need’ is something everyone can do.  Examples of how we can make a difference to those in need might be like donating to the Dallas Hebrew Free Loan Association, or giving our time to Meals on Wheels through the Jewish Family Service when Melissa Steiner asks if anyone is available to fill in or if we get a call from the Jewish Federation to contribute our time or money or both for causes that are within or outside of our Jewish Community.

The Torah explains that helping others is a requirement – a necessary Mitzvot .  Let us all remember Exodus 23:9 (often annually on Passover if not daily) G-d stated:  “Do not oppress a stranger; you yourselves know how it feels to be a stranger

“Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results”.  General George S. Patton

In this week’s Parasha, Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro (Yitro), receives word about all the miracles occurring with a bunch of wandering Israelite slaves under the direction of his son-in-law.  Jethro travels from his home in Midian with his daughter (and Moses’ wife) Zipporah, and her sons Gershom and Eliezer to be with Moses at Mt. Sinai.  Jethro rejoices at G-ds miracles and completes sacrifices to G-d once they arrive.

Another area that the Parsha makes mention of is a long line or queue. This is a concern for Jethro because Moses does not see how this is impacting the people waiting to speak with him. Many of the Israelites stand in this particular line to get clarification and resolution on their disputes since illiteracy was epidemic, nothing was written down anyway and of course many of the laws were not published.

Not as many years ago, I recall standing in a long line(s) very early in the morning. This was not related to dispute resolution, but working for a ticket broker (ticket-scalper) to buy tickets to concerts at the LA Forum in Inglewood. Funny enough the first concert I purchased tickets for was a concert to be performed by the band Jethro (Tull).

Lines were also ‘a thing’ that occurred when registering for college classes.  I remember doing this with pencil and paper. Of course this was well before cell phones, and also the virtual world of the internet where one can now buy tickets for entertainment, register for classes and obtain a degree as well!

So returning to our summary of this week’s Parsha, G-d speaks with the Israelites through Moses and gives the Torah (10 Commandments) to the Chosen People. As we know Moses continues to lead in his chosen role during this time, unencumbered, and actually supported by, his father-in-law Jethro’s advice/ideas. One might consider this beshert relationship between son-in-law and father-in-law more than ‘meant to be’. It was also constructive, a ‘life saver’ and some might say it was certainly a blessing. What types of guidance did Jethro provide?

Shared Communications

Jethro suggests Moses expand communication to the recently freed Israelite slaves. Specifically, communicating expectations such as the laws and rules of behavior and how to fairly treat one another. True this period of time overlaps with the 10 Commandments. But communicating directly with this community of Israelite slaves was important so everyone knew the general knowledge about how to behave toward one another and what rules were allowed for some semblance of peace and cooperation. Nothing like this had existed during the Israelites time in Egypt. Let’s remember that life had been all about slavery in Egypt and Pharaoh’s rule(s) for many years.

Constructive Criticism

Initially, Moses meets people ‘where they are’ to help resolve their disputes. Unfortunately the lines got a bit too long (remember, no cell phones, no books) to get the necessary information of who, what, where, why and, how (sounds as exciting as waiting in line to buy concert tickets or as painful as watching paint dry). While Moses demonstrates his caring and compassion for the recently freed Israelite Slaves by ‘meeting them where they were’, Jethro suggests that Moses ‘could do better’ and delegate the time consuming role of arbiter to others.

After all leading a great nation is most certainly more than resolving disputes.

Empowered Plan of Delegation

Jethro further suggests his son-in-law assemble a council of chief judges that assist him in resolving disagreements.  Disputes unresolved by the council would then be elevated to Moses.  All of this to create a social and moral structure, as well as a communications channel for the recently freed Israelite slaves. It also allowed for the Israelite slaves a way to focus on one G-d and perhaps, eventually, prayer.

Recruit Carefully

More than likely Moses selects judges for the council who had specific qualities/skills. For example, judges who were good listeners of course, and those judges who would guide former Israelite slaves seeking direction, particularly with regard to the ‘one G-d’ narrative (over idolatry). The judges could also provide information and education, and of course mediation toward peaceful dispute resolution.

Additionally, one would believe that these judges represented the entire population of Israelite slaves, were also capable and trustworthy, and above all, they accepted and believed in one G-d.

Moses had much on his plate after guiding the Israelite slaves out of Egypt and enabling G-d’s larger plan of enlightening the ‘Chosen People’ with the gift of Torah. Jethro, together with G-d of course, provided vision for Moses to expand upon his organic or innate management style. In addition to some of the ‘leadership lessons’ mentioned in this D’var what other ideas can we apply to our daily lives as leaders of family, business or civic organizations?

What about providing more success for others rather than ourselves? How about telling meaningful stories that inspire thoughts, ideas and action in others?

Perhaps leading others should begin with ‘leading ourselves’.  For example, showing gratitude for ourselves and others, waking and walking with humility and perhaps most importantly taking care of our individual health (which includes being among healthy and positive people).

Finally, remember the qualities of love and compassion are also key ingredients to a life of abundant with successful leadership.   Good Shabbos!

“Did you know that when someone starts on a journey, it’s actually good luck to throw a shoe at them?”   Tony Hsieh in Phil Knight’s, Shoe Dog, 2016

A belief in one G-d, observing Shabbat or other Jewish holidays, baking a challah, or simply performing a mitzvah, is a joyful expression of Jewish values. Torah has shaped, influenced and caused our Jewish culture and values to evolve. This Parsha helps us understand the power of belief, fear, freedom/liberation and victory.

In this week’s Parsha Moses leads the Israelites on a circuitous path into the wilderness after escaping Egypt by a pillar of fire at night and pillar cloud during the day (just like the movie-right?). So as we know lotsa stuff happens on the way out of Egypt like the hot pursuit by the Egyptian army, the Sea of Reeds parts and Israelites walk through a body of water. G-d also sends manna to feed the Israelites and along the way Amalek attacks the Israelites (after all what would it be like to not have additional road-blocks on the way to freedom.)

Passover is joyful so let’s reflect in this D’var on the joy we celebrate today and many centuries ago when the Passover story started. 

WE FOUND JOY IN FREEDOM

 Israelite slaves under Pharaoh, didn’t know of any life other than slavery.  Israelites were beholden to Egyptian culture, values and indentured servitude that no one questioned for fear of retribution. Ones belief about life was all about this slavery thing over many decades.  Slavery driven by Pharaoh who imposed social, spiritual (idolatry) and physical conditions throughout generations of Israelites believing this ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable lifestyle’.

Every morning when one awoke was their gratitude and thankfulness for being alive or for the ‘excitement’ of a day filled with back breaking hard labor with maybe a little water and something to eat?

We celebrate freedom today as we did back then after we crossed the Sea of Reeds and escaped a mighty Egyptian Army that perished.

WE FOUND JOY IN PERSEVERANCE

G-d taught us strength in not turning back; heck why would anyone want to go back to the physical, emotional and evil times that were key components of the banality and normality of oppressive slavery?

In fact we celebrated our liberation from Egypt after crossing the Sea of Reeds and Miriam sang and danced with other women.  The celebration and joy experienced was about G-d’s help that freed us from the demise of our oppressors.  In fact we celebrate, honor and remember that moment of freedom from crossing the Sea of Reeds when we stand at the end of the daily Shacrit prayer.

WE FOUND JOY IN BELIEF

G-d wanted everyone (Egyptian and Israelite alike) to know and believe in the one almighty. Many may continue to believe in one G-d  especially when daily small miracles go unexplained

G-d showed us freedom along with a covenant because he had great
plans for us as long as we followed the prescriptive guidance HE
provided and asked us to follow.  We can now find joy in
transference – with teachings of Torah and Mitzvot to practice daily.

In our desire for freedom our joy was liberating because of the adventure.

In our search for freedom our joy was illuminating from the miracles witnessed.

In our thirst for freedom our joy was enabled by the spirit of G-d.

Today we celebrate and remember these times with joy.

Seth Godin wrote, “If expectation is a killer of joy, it is also the shortest route to disappointment.”  Like our Israelite relatives before us, HOPE is fuel that can move us forward and amplify our beliefs about the Joy of freedom, liberation and victory in our lives today.  Good Shabbos!

“Don’t criticize what you can’t understand.”
Bob Dylan – The Times They are a Changin’

This week’s Parsha includes the final three plagues that G-D created for the benefit of the Israelites and imposed upon Pharaoh to let the Israelite Slaves GO (HENCE BO! – BO MEANS GO!)   So what did slavery look like back in the day and how does slavery look today?

 Let’s talk slavery & about the plagues. Slavery was a way of life in the old testament AND unfortunately remains so today in the US and around the world.

 It is written that slavery under Pharaoh was much less humane than other examples from Torah. In fact, the midrash emphasizes the harsh period of slavery under pharaoh as illustrated through the plagues upon Egypt for the years of adverse treatment of enslaved Israelites.

When we step back and look at Parasha’s Va-era & Bo, the plagues are well thought out, organized, planned, deliberate and with purpose.

The Torah highlights midah k’neged midah–no act is ever unaccounted for, no good deed is uncompensated and no evil deed ever goes unpunished – or Tit-for Tat/an eye for an eye.

Although y’all probably know of several stories from Torah where an ‘eye for an eye’ is exemplified here are two examples.

The first example is that of Cain who kills his brother Abel and therefore is sent to wander the earth because it is explained in the midrash that he polluted the earth with his brothers blood.

A second example is Judah who deceives his father, Jacob, with a he-goat, dipping Joseph’s rainbow colored coat in goat blood and sends it to Jacob, asking: Is this the coat of your son? Do you recognize it? Likewise, Judah is deceived with a he-goat, when he attempts to pay the harlot and can’t find her.

Today’s parasha of course is related directly to Pharaohs treatment of the Israelites and God’s punishment of Pharaoh with the plagues.

So what about the balance of plagues between Egyptian oppression and the Israelites. Here are a couple of quick examples to consider:
1) Why did the Nile turn into blood? Was it because the Egyptians forced the Jews to haul water from the Nile or because it was used to drown Israelite male infants? The water is punished along with the Egyptians.

2) What about Lice, keenim?   The Jews were forced to serve as farmers, so the earth was overridden with lice, and the land could no longer be farmed.

So back to slavery today – it seems unthinkable that slavery still prevails in our world today.

One stark example is in the country of India, where there are an estimated ten million bonded laborers—victims forced to pay off debts by working and who may ultimately pass their particular debt on to their children.

Studies from the American Urban Institute and Northeastern University indicate forced labor and child sexual trafficking is rampant in the United States.

And what about us as individuals? How is slavery characterized in our daily lives?

We’re slaves to the constant wants and desires and pleasures that have enraptured us since birth.

If someone insults me and I want to get on their ‘good side’, I am slave to their moods. If I have a big house and a mortgage and I’m worried I can’t pay it, I’m slave to the house, to the bank, to the government, to my boss who I am dependent on employing me.

Of course while there are many important social and human rights issues from institutional racism to sexual harassment and many others, it seems that slavery is often overlooked given our personal preferences, focus and priorities. While slavery is dehumanizing and indeed devastating we cannot always wait for an act of God to solve slavery; today, it is up to us.

Why should we care about slavery today and how can we prevent it?

It is said that Moses led 2 million slaves out of Egypt. Today the web site EndSlaveryNow.com estimates between 21 to 45 million people are trapped in some form of slavery and not the biblical slavery outlined in Torah. Today’s slavery includes domestic servitude, sex trafficking, forced labor, bonded labor, child labor, and forced/abusive marriages.

How can we prevent slavery today?  What about making slavery a personal cause that each of us actually cares about? How about relating any of the types of slavery noted above to our own lives and taking action for the benefit of our neighborhoods, community and the whole of humanity?

Imagine a sex trafficker who takes a child from their home, injects them with addictive drugs and sells them to strangers on an hourly basis? This child becomes hooked on the drugs and may be ever dependent on a lifestyle that is difficult to conceive.  While this actually occurs and is often repeated particularly among broken homes with broken relationships, we can do something to prevent these patterns of malevolent behavior.

How can we prevent slavery today? We can choose to educate ourselves. We can volunteer to help people struggling to emerge beyond chains of repression that they may believe they are bound too.  We can choose meaningful action to help those who suffer from the causes that contribute to many forms of slavery today.  We can pray, and donate our time and money to causes focused on decimating slavery.

Finally we can learn from Torah and Moses’ actions related to the liberation of slaves from indentured servitude.

Good Shabbos!

“Change isn’t made by asking permission. Change is made by asking forgiveness, later”   Seth Godin

This week’s Parsha begins with Judah, in the presence of his brothers, pleading with the viceroy of Egypt, that his brother Benjamin be set free after Benjamin steals a silver cup from Pharaoh upon his last visit to the Egyptian palace. Judah offers to switch places with Benjamin to become a prisoner or slave (of course Judah was following through on his verbal agreement with his brothers and dad Jacob to protect Benjamin).

As we find out, the viceroy reveals himself as their brother Joseph.  He then goes on to tell his brothers  not to worry about their past transgression for selling him into slavery years before (supposedly Judah’s idea).  In fact in a celebration of the news of forgiveness the twelve brothers came close together and hug on another.

The explanation that I came across for this act of forgiveness has Joseph reframe the prophetic story for his brothers as G-d’s plan. It’s a plan of evolution to save Jacob’s family as well as future generations of Israelites. According to Joseph, in spite of the brothers jealousy, (remember, they thought Joseph was the favored son of Jacob), the plan was actually put into motion by G-d to eventually help save Joseph,  his brothers, the entire extended family of Jacob and future generations of Israelites.

To further express his love and kindness, Joseph (along with Pharaoh), gave the brothers many presents, to bring back to Jacob along with the news that Joseph was alive. The Parasha continues with Jacob then getting all 70 family members together, and moving to Egypt.  The family is reunited and they settle in Goshen, where the Children of Israel will flourish, until, of course, slavery is imposed upon the Israelites and it’s time to leave again.

In my review of scholarly material for this D’var there were two takeaways for me.  The first is, ‘Does G-d speak to us without actually speaking to us?’.  This is related to Joseph’s reframing of how he was cast away from his family first in a pit and then sold to traders and ultimately is appointed number two of the Egyptian empire.

Since there is much to unpack from this lesson alone and too much for the remaining four minutes of this D’var,  another of the most important Parasha ‘takeaways’ for me is Joseph’s ability to forgive his brothers in order to allow his brothers to forgive themselves.  One would think his brother’s must have been suffering extensively from guilt and remorse because their father Jacob’s diminished enthusiasm for life over the loss of his son.

So how do we forgive ourselves?  Is it the same as forgiving others?

According to the Mayo Clinic website, “Forgiveness can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you…. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.”   Indeed, this seems to be the goal and outcome from Joseph’s impassioned conversation with Judah and his brothers.  Joseph has certainly had enough time to think and forgive himself during his over-confident and defiant ‘teenage years’ that may have provoked the angst amongst his brothers to take care of a ‘perceived problem’ that was probably no more than a misunderstanding/mis-interpretation of ‘hormones out of control’.

Let’s recall from the parasha, in a paraphrased context, the first thing Joseph says to Judah and his brothers is essentially, “I am your brother who you sold into slavery, how is dad AND don’t worry about your past transgressions. I made it here due to G-ds plan for us and I forgive you anyway.”  Ironically, as we know, the famine had impacted Joseph’s family and brought them back together and Joseph seems to have a sense of urgency to “make things right again” as soon as possible.

So why forgive oneself?

Some of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on others and that includes how we manage our ability to forgive others and ourselves.  Reading ‘between the lines’ of the Torah portion it appears as though Joseph has transcended past transgressions and is determined to move forward with his life and that of his families. It seems as if he had already prepared to forgive his siblings and simply wanted to put the past behind and reconnect with his family while he managed the Egyptian empire during a time of famine (not too shabby for a guy whose humble beginnings started with sheep herding).

Unlike his brothers, he has let go of feelings of anger, resentment and retribution. Joseph has become present. His brothers on the other hand, had carried the burden of guilt for years and had become stuck in a remorseful life situation.  In a restorative way, Joseph learned from his mistakes and was now focused on saving lives far beyond that of his father and brothers.

Upon revealing himself to his brothers, Joseph provided a roadmap and gave permission to his brothers to forgive themselves for past transgressions.

To me it’s as if Joseph eliminates years of bad feelings his brothers have carried inside themselves by simply communicating the need for them to re-unite.  It allowed his brothers to learn to forgive themselves simply by learning from the example Joseph had become (not to mention all the time they were able to save from what could have been years of therapy).

So forgiving oneself is an important aspect of moving forward with one’s life.  In an article, “Taking the Steps to Forgive Yourself” found on VeryWellMind.com from Amy Morin, LCSW, here are four steps we can all take to forgive ourselves:

1) Accept responsibility – show compassion to yourself
2) Express remorse – overcome guilt, remorse and shame to express/embrace positive feelings
3) Repair damage & restore trust – when we make amends it allows us to move beyond guilt
4) Renewal – learn from mistakes to avoid self-hatred and move forward in life

Finally – once we have forgiven ourselves it becomes easier to be present and love our-self, our life.

The next time you want to measure or question the love you have for yourself, consider this quote from Kamal Rivkant, from his book,  ‘Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It’:   “If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?”

Good Shaabos!

One point of gratitude -On behalf of Sue and I we thank you – all of our friends in the Kehilat – that have provided meals for our home during this most challenging time. We feel blessed. You are all sincerely appreciated very very much – Thank you

How long do we or should we grieve and follow the process of bereavement for the loss of a loved one?

While I am not an expert on the topic of grieving nor follower/student of Dr. Joel Roffman or David Kessler (grief experts), I turned to what all of us Kehilah scholars may do to find out about grief (Google) – which mentions that:

While

How many of us have started a new project, job or relationship without a certainty that came before? And how do we start our journey’s?

For some this could look, feel or sound confusing, stressful, anxiety provoking and frustrating. Perhaps our journey starts because of a life changing event like the death of a loved one, an illness or a new job.

For others the journey of a life changing event could be perceived as a new empowering adventure that could lead to personal success, personal growth or possibly a new true love. Some might even say it’s an exercise in free-will and call it ‘blind faith’.

Maybe, then, this is how Abraham perceived his calling in Lech Lecha which literally means ‘go’ or ‘leave’.  Lech Lecha is a Torah portion woven with many non-descript meanings and relationships (far too many for the next 6 minutes). The Torah portion does not explicitly say that Abraham put all of his faith in G-d, pulled up his pants and saddled up his donkey and left for a specific destination that was designated by G-d.

Nope. In fact, Torah tells us that G-d commands Abraham to leave his home, family and the place where he was born for a destination that G-d ‘eventually’ let him know about.  The certainty that comes with that last statement sounds less than comforting though Abraham was familiar with his belief in free-will.

Interestingly, writer Daniel Lowenstein at AlephBeta points to key parallels in Lech Lecha and the Torah reading for the second day of Rosh Hashanah known as the Akedah or binding of Isaac.  These ideas must be important for all of us given the ‘repetitive’ theme’s of ‘belief in one-G-d’, free-will and  perhaps the idea about a fear of G-d.

Like Lech Lecha where G-d commands Abraham to ‘go’, in the Akedah Torah portion, G-d again commands Abraham to, ‘kill your son, your precious one, the one you love’.  Take him to a mountain, (again, unspecified in the Torah by G-d), & similar to that ‘same destination’ Abraham is to seek out in Lech Lecha (unknown) when leaving home at the age of 75 with his barren 65 year old wife Sarah.

What in the world is this about?  How can one simply receive and follow a commandment to pack-up and leave one’s home, family and the familiarity of a lifelong experience for an unknown destination and ‘promises’ like being the father of a great nation with many kids, particularly when faced with a big infertility issue.  Certainly there were no ‘Dr. Jeff Busch’s’ around or anything close to in-vitro procedures.  What then? Is it simply a compelling belief and faith in ‘one-G-d’?

The Torah tells us Abraham finds his destination (in both cases without direct guidance from G-d),  complies to leave home and the same can be said  to be the case when he takes Isaac to be bound at Mount Moriah. What some may find remarkable is that Abraham’s belief in G-d was so compelling he also followed the direction in both Lech Lecha and the Aekdah that he builds altars to honor G-d. The first altar is built after Abraham and Sarahs journey.  The second  altar is built to prepare for the sacrifice of his (only) 36 year old son.

So what set’s Abrahams journey in motion?  Was it the promise of becoming the father of a great nation? Or was it an imbued purpose coupled with Abraham’s ‘free-will’?

To quickly compare and contrast, George Washington was also the father of a great nation and had a certain level of free-will though as we know that’s a different story for a different time.  George had a different purpose behind how and why he got to his/our destination compared to Abraham and Sarah.

While the determination and belief for Abraham and Sarah to leave is not clearly outlined in the Torah, it seems as though their ‘collective free-will’ and belief may have caused them to follow a long time relationship to G-d that the sages would have us believe started in Abraham’s childhood.

We remember the Midrashic (not Torah) story of Abraham that tells of a child who sees his dad, Terah’s, ‘premium idols’ in Terah’s  ‘premium idol work-shop’ ready for use by the local idol worshiping community. With determined certainty Abraham smashes all but one idol and leaves the hammer in the tallest and biggest of Terah’s idol creations.  Maybe this rabbinic story is one of the reasons sages use to validate 75 year old Abraham’s journey decades later away from his family, away from his home and the place he was born.

As the story goes, his father comes to the scene of the idolatry ‘massacre’ and says, ‘Why did you do this Abram?’

Abraham’s righteous-rebellious yet respectful reply may have sounded something like, ‘Hey dad it wasn’t me.  It was the biggest, tallest and strongest idol that all of us pray too.  I mean after all you build them and we pray to them.  It had to be this way – right?  After all we believe that the world operates on the basis of these idols that you create to help us all promote the idolatry and everything in it that influences our highest beliefs in life. Right dad?’

Perhaps another impetus for Abraham to leave his home is due to the death of his 205 year old brother Haran. Due to his older brothers passing, Abraham sees the journey as a meaningful way to start a new chapter.  Yet once again it is up to us to decide since there is no definitive Torah explanation.

How do we start our ‘Journey’s’?  Can you remember anytime in your life when you began a journey without all the pieces in place or a set direction?

One memory of a personal ‘young adult’ journey I took began after completing graduate school.  In this ‘nomadic time’ of my live, I was grateful to be given the opportunity to move back to the home I grew up in to save a few dollars before consciously making a planned decision to move to another location.  Yes my room had changed & had become not a shrine to my departure but rather a storage area filled with stuff that had collected, been mis-placed or moved into my room, over a six year absence.

A few months following my return to the home where I grew up I was reminded by my ‘parental property managers’ that I was living under ‘their roof’ and needed to be home at a specific time.  This created an unintended consequence for our little community as this one rule lit a fire under my back-side.  So yes I got the message, exercised my free-will, and began looking for another place to live and moved out within 48 hours. In the end I was thankful for the experience and was grateful to return for brief visits until the home was sold last year.

How can we prepare for inevitable planned (or otherwise) changes in our lives to make our ‘Journey’ more certain? Well since we are short on time and you could actually Google the 1.6 M plus results for moving forward in life here are a few ideas.

1) Check-out a powerful mindfulness experience you can practice daily called guided visualization imagery by writing/journaling scripts or meditation or a combination of both.

2) Seek out inspiring and thought provoking educational opportunities through personal connections, conversation, art, music and books.

3) Read and study Torah and give yourself permission to do something new for the Kehilat like write a D’var or lead one or two portions in our Shabbat services.

Perhaps Abraham believed, as novelist Anatole France wrote, “To accomplish great things we must dream as well as act”.   Good Shabbos!

So just how many people does it take to change a light bulb?
-reform synagogue two people (first man and then the woman turns the bulb)
-conservative synagogue – it’s done by committee
-orthodox synagogue – they don’t change anything

“People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing.”

-Author, John Porter

For some people today and in centuries past, one thought seems constant: in times of change and uncertainty, a belief in G-d is a coping mechanism that can provide comfort and peace of mind.

Change and our experience of change can be difficult to accept, and may feel uncomfortable, disruptive, annoying, inconvenient, inappropriate or not suitable.  At the same time,  change can be necessary for safety, personal and public health as well as freedom.  Sometimes, change requires a belief in G-d.

As we know Torah describes stories and commandments that ‘yield’ to times when change was often necessary.  And, like the Torah which has transcended centuries of change,  the Jewish people have likewise learned to do the same. So change should be easy for us – right?

Grief can obscure belief and disrupt change.  Grief can get in the way of change and our experience of change can become difficult to accept. If you don’t believe me think about how Pharaoh’s separation anxiety got the best of him and he took pursuit of the Israelite slaves due to his ‘personal loss’.  Or maybe, just maybe, it was his FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) some days after he agreed to let us go on a 40 year long+ religious retreat and thought we’d ‘be right back’. Nah – most likely based on that miracle of the sea separation thing he probably just wanted to finish us off.

Really, grief, bereavement and personal loss may cause us to feel uncomfortable, annoyed, disrupted and inconvenienced.

I mean, today, let’s look at say, how a change in personal public health freedom, is affecting all of us.  Particularly those who feel their freedom to breathe unobstructed without facemask or acknowledging the reality of the pandemic  itself is a personal inconvenience, annoyance or loss.  This type of change allows one to go it alone/on their own -their way – so it no  longer becomes a personal inconvenience without regard for others public health/safety.  How ‘bad’ could it really be to not ‘socially distance’ with a mask? Well my basic understanding is that perhaps it might take only one exposure to turn ones health into a chronic expensive personal health issue or possibly death.

By the way-if you’re looking for a couple of good reads because you have some free time to explore more about this ‘stuff’ (like how this Pandemic could mutate) check out an early nineteenth century scientific (non-fiction) book  from scientist Constantin Feriherr Von Economo regarding Encephalitis Lethargica. Economo was an Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist of Romanian origin and Greek descent who studied this public health issue that intersected/followed the 1918 Flu pandemic.

Also, if you just can’t ‘get enough’ about all things pandemic check-out a more recent fictionalized novel called the End of October. Von Economo is a ‘mind blowing’ read and compliments the non-fictionalized “End of October” in hyperbolic fashion. Nevertheless, after these reads, quarantining seemed to me to be ‘the right prescription’.  Now back to our D’var…

In this week’s parasha God instructs Moses and Aaron regarding the red heifer; Miriam dies; Moses ‘hits a rock’…. to bring forth water rather than speaking to it; Aaron dies. The Israelites have ended 40 years of travel in the wilderness and are just about to enter Israel.  They are in the desert of Zin specifically in a place called Kadesh.

Let’s briefly explore loss a little more. Miriam dies in Kadesh. Aaron dies on Mount Hor. One difference in their deaths is that Aarons death follows Miriam’s and occurs when the Israelites leave Kadesh before the crossing of the north Jordan river.

Did you know, according to Talmud, attributions or merits applied to Miriam, Aaron and Moses  were: water, clouds and manna respectively?  Remember that time in the book of Exodus when there was a lack of water?  Boy – talk about unruly behavior due to change from slavery to freedom!  There is that topic of change – and coping.  So we know how that worked out – right?

The Torah refers to three experiences where water was lacking – two in Exodus and one in Numbers. In each case, with a belief in G-d (delivered by Moses) the Israelites were hydrated.

In the first thirst experience – water in Marah was bitter.  G-d directs Moses to drop a tree branch in the water to sweeten it and the Israelites find relief.

As we know, however, from the second drought experience noted in Exodus, the Israelites demanded water from Moses at  Rephidim – (also the location of the battle with the Amalekites where the Israelites prevailed).  It is said that Moses believed he was going to be stoned due to a lack of water. Instead Moses reaches out to G-d for assistance, acknowledges G-d first, strikes a rock and water flows.

Finally, In Numbers, the third thirsty experience from the Torah,  the Israelites are once again faced with drought. After 40 years of ‘free flowing water’ the complaints and whining have returned:  “If only we had died with the death of our brothers before G-d. Why have you brought us to this desert so that we and our livestock should die there? Why have you taken us out of Egypt to bring us to this evil place; it is not a place for seeds, or for fig trees, grapevines, or pomegranate trees, and there is no water to drink.”

Moses responds with, “Now listen, you rebels, can we draw water for you from this rock?” – But why?  Why would the prophet Moses – a compassionate and tireless leader of a free people say such a thing?

While there are many interpretations on the distinction about the water flowing from the rock in Exodus and water flowing from the rock in Numbers (today’s Parsha) there is also a possible connection to Miriam which to me seems to transcend this ensuing thirsty drama. Following Miriam’s death, the water ‘from the rock (spring/well)’ dries up which has not occurred in 40 years. Moses cannot find the right rock to hit, he and Aaron go to the Temple of Meeting to obtain G-d’s advice, he goes back to hit the rock he thinks is the right rock but only drips appear.  Over-whelmed, he hits the rock again in anger, disappointment, and disillusionment and water flows.

How did Moses the prophet cope with the change due to the loss of his sister Miriam?  Not too well from what we read in the Parsha.  In fact, as described in the Torah – it sounds as if Moses was a little reticent.  Remember he struck ‘the rock’ twice in a disrespectful (out of control) act to G-d and he got his ‘pass’ to the land flowing with milk and honey taken away.

Perhaps Moses was  too  close to G-d and had temporarily lost the respectful and spiritual aspects of his relationship to G-d.  Perhaps Moses was too comfortable with and had grown too accustomed to striking the rock and letting the water flow and could not find the right rock.  Or perhaps, Moses was simply suffering from personal loss, was sad, grieving, depressed and anxious over the death of his sister and he projected those feelings upon the parched Israelites through his behavior and speech.

So it seems in this case that feelings of loss can cause us to exhibit behaviors that are unbecoming of who we are and turn our vulnerable inner souls suffering from emotional loss towards anger, impatience and intolerance as a defense mechanism.   How do we reconcile these messy emotions for ourselves?

From a recent article found in Forbes, a contributing author, Tony Ewing, suggested these three simple ideas:

1) Laughing at yourself stems anger
2) Singing like you mean it makes you happier, more social and puts you in sync with others
3) Being optimistic and practicing hope stops stress

Then there is this final thought:  in times of change and uncertainty, a belief in G-d is a coping mechanism that can provide comfort and peace of mind as well.

There are so many many interesting aspects to this week’s parsha such as the meaning and interpretation of the deaths of Nadav and Avihu, Aarons sons who got too close to the inner chamber of the sanctuary or why we are not to eat the blood of animals or who we are not to sleep with out of respect for our personal relationships. Of course core Torah topics are covered such as Shabbat, idolatry as well as providing honor and respect to one’s parents as well as the sacredness of life. Far too many topics for a 3 minute D’var though I bet Bill Sutker could figure out how to apply all of these to a famous tune!

There is one area of this parsha that everyone is familiar with – yep it’s the often quoted “love thy neighbor..”.

Love thy neighbor as thy self, as a few early sages like Maimonides, Rabbi Akiva and Rashi  have weighed in on, is an appropriate way for all of us to live our lives. Hillel is said to have stated that (para-phrasing) Love they neighbor as thy-self is “the Torah and the rest is commentary”.

Some have written that first-before considering ‘loving your neighbor’ (or anyone else for that matter-) that we look at ourselves.  For the sake and sanctity of safety and public health these days perhaps now is a great time to explore how we can all do this better. It seems like most of us have ample time to practice.

How do we love ourselves before we go out and attempt to do so with others?  Why is this so important?

Well without loving ourselves first – it’s tough to love someone else (unless of course you’re a ‘professional narcissist’).

It can be frustrating, anxiety provoking and certainly less than ideal for a loving relationship when one is not familiar with the personal development of ‘self-love’ for improving relationships with others.  Authentic love of and with any important relationships — child, significant other, family – really anyone is difficult to achieve and sustain.  On the other hand, some may consider that those of us quarantined with family, room-mates or others are fortunate while perhaps by end of May those of us still with housemates who have opted for sticking out the ‘rush and excitement of quarantine’ may wish we were captive in solitude.

Since our format is abbreviated for Friday night let’s jump right into this first idea which is our personal health because (as my mother has often reminded me) “without it you’ve got nothing”.  So upon self reflection consider how regularly/often you sleep, eat, exercise or perhaps (CORRECTLY) wear a face mask and gloves when you go to the store. Other ideas may include how you work to naturally reduce anxiety and stress throughout your daily routine.  These may be good places to start.

What about showing gratitude in our lives?  Self-love and gratitude are closely tied together.  When we are grateful for the things we have such as the people and relationships in our lives we can appreciate and find the good in others as well as ourselves.  Sometimes it’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.

What about forgiving ourselves – yep another aspect on the road to loving ourselves.  Sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and realize that believe it or not – we are not ‘perfect’.  How we love ourselves is tied to how we forgive ourselves (and sometimes others) and move on.  As Seth Godin has written in his blog:

“Forgive yourself for not being the richest, the thinnest, the tallest, the one with the best hair. Forgive yourself for not being the most successful, the cutest or the one with the fastest time. Forgive yourself for not winning every round. Forgive yourself for being afraid. But don’t let yourself off the hook, never forgive yourself, for not caring or not trying.”

When writing this D’var I found an interesting article from Kathy Paterson: 55 Teaching Dilemmas: Ten Powerful Solutions to Almost Any Classroom Challenge.  I would propose that if some of these solutions can work for teachers they certainly could benefit all of us during these times of shelter in place.

For other ideas on developing self-love check out Sharon Martin’s blog: Live Well with Sharon Martin and How to Love Yourself- she has 22 great ideas to help one become better at “Loving Thy Neighbor as Thy Self”.  Good Shabbos!

As we know from last week’s D’var, G-d ultimately wants to dwell among the community of Israel so the Tabernacle continues it’s construction – it supposedly took about two years. Today’s parasha is about Kohein-clothing amongst a few other topics.

Clothing is very personal. We identify ourselves with it. Just ask my 2-1/2 year old ‘roommate’ who has experienced many a morning melt-down over the clothing choice of the day. The most recent experience was as a pre-school Purim princess costume which was supposed to have accompanying undergarment pants and shirt – nevertheless…..

From homeless to shul congregants, to work colleagues (be they public servants, teachers, physicians, or politicians), men, women and children, we all identify ourselves and or others in some-way by the clothing worn.

When people dress in specific ways to express and promote their ideological status or values or beliefs during a march/protest or an entertainment event like an awards ceremony many rush in to label the clothing, hair, head-dress, make-up and so on worn by others as fashion. So in preparing this D’var I asked myself “is this fashion thing a trend that started way back in the time of Parasha Tetzaveh?”

Sometimes garments from designers are referred to as prototypes. A prototype (Greek for “first impression”) is about how something can look, work, feel and how one can appreciate it. So if a picture is worth a thousand words, a prototype might be worth a thousand pictures. In the fashion industry, prototyping is about what happens at the top of the clothing/designer ‘pyramid’. Fashion designers are specialized in sketching, observing and in handcrafting and materializing ideas. In the case of our Parsha – G-d is the designer and Moses assures skilled crafts people will create the garments to be worn by the Kohein, specifically Aaron and his sons.

There are very few places in Torah where garments or clothing are actually mentioned.  Examples include Adam & Eve who use the fig leaf for cover after eating from the forbidden tree, Joseph and his coat which his brothers use to deceive their father into believing that Joseph is dead and let us remember the timely Purim story where King Ahasuerus endorses Haman’s plan to parade Mordecai through the city square on a horse in a royal robe and the passage, “So Haman took the robe and the horse, arrayed Mordecai, and paraded him through the city square, crying out before him, “This is what is done for the man whom the king is delighted to honor!”

So what about specifics from G-d to Moses to assure his brother Aaron and the Koheins are dressed appropriately and they follow a process for their priestly duties? While Moses is absent in this Parsha, some have said because he declined G-ds initial request on several occasions to lead the Israelites to freedom, he is commanded to assure Aaron is ‘decked-out’ appropriately. So Moses, along with others in the Israelite community comply.

Studying the specifics described in this parsha there are notable descriptions and details of what goes where on the high priest and how one is to approach the Tent of Meeting/tabernacle, the colors and descriptive stones and colors with of course the meaning behind each of the materials left open to interpretation.

SPOILER ALERT -fashion is not at all the topic of today’s parsha. It’s not about shoes, shadels, robes, tunics, stones or breast plates. There is obviously something bigger going on here so let’s step back and take a look.

One answer may be elevating the spiritual significance of G-D and the tabernacle.

Obviously we should respect the Torah’s direction for the Kohein’s requirement to dress in a specific manner outlined in this parsha. Today we often emulate this by wearing clothing that demonstrates honor and respect for holidays and the ritual spiritual practice of Judaism.

The parsha is really about self-respect and the practice of Jewish tradition.  It’s about, as Bill mentioned last week in his d’var, about substance rather than image.  The clothes we wear when we pray should show our respect for the process and ceremony of prayer, G-d and Judiaism.  It’s our belief about and for which we pray.

Substance over image.  This theme continues to work throughout today’s parasha in distinguishing world cultures. The Israelite culture of the day was different, for example, from Greek, Egyptian and Mesopatamian cultures that valued the image and style in say architecture and art (sculptures/idols?). Perhaps this is another reason why G-d’s instruction to Moses about the construction of the Tabernacle and the clothing Aaron and his son’s wore was so specific. So distinct.

As noted last week, the detailed construction of the Tabernacle may have had much to do with setting the Israelite culture and architecture apart from other cultures that valued a belief in ‘false’ G-d’s & idols essentially eviscerating the holy and substantive from the topical and touchy feely of alternate evolving cultures that would ultimately disappear entirely. The building of the Tabernacle and practice of honoring G-d with the clothing of Aaron and his son’s would frame a new set of standards, beliefs, practices and in particular, traditions, that would evolve and be embraced for many Jewish generations to come.

While some believe that the building of the tabernacle and high priests clothing was a means of creating a separation of cultures, the clothing also bifurcated the Israelite community with distinct roles that were set apart from one another particularly when it came to spiritual practices. Different of course than the task of building or hunting or gathering. It was as if ‘G-d’s plan’ had the specific purpose to create how daily prayer was to be executed to honor one G-d.

It is said that the sacred priestly garments were regal and symbolic regarding the holiest of holies and the parsha goes into much detail about them. Yet the Torah does not paint the priests clothing as a veneer of beauty nor is beauty a value embraced by Torah at all. For example the matriarchs (Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah), Queen Esther and others are described in various places throughout the Torah as physically beautiful yet beauty is not a personal value or commandment that we embrace. As aishes chayil points out, “physical beauty is false and a woman who fears G-d is to be lauded.”

What lessons can we take away from today’s parsha to embrace a life of substance?

Bud Harris in his 2015 book entitled Sacred Selfishness describes ideas for creating a life of substance such as:

• Self-love and self-forgiveness
• How we value love ourselves and live meaningful lives
• Authenticity and how we give back to those around us
• Loving others without losing ourselves
• Resolving unhappy relationships, a stagnating career, overcoming financial issues or weight problems

Finally – this quote from Julia Cameron (Teacher, Author, Poet, Film Maker & Martin Scorsese’s former spouse)

“Love is the substance of all life. Everything is connected in love, absolutely everything.”

Good Shabbos.